To give up conditional uni place to TTC?

[thiddlinggubbins]

I've accepted a conditional offer at a local university. I'm happy in my current job but know the only way to progress is to do the degree. Whilst I'm happy now, I know I don't want to be stuck at this level for the rest of my life. However, we'd both really like to start TTC. We know during university there's no way we'd be able to try if I went this September as we wouldn't be able to afford childcare for a baby whilst I'm only getting a student loan. I'm 28 and DH is 35. Would IBU to withdraw from my conditional offer at uni to start TTC?

If it were me it would be a no brainer. Take the university place. Stop using contraception in your last year.

Sorry should have said in OP. Due to my skills and experience, I have the option of going back into my original field. The earning power there is far more substantial than anything I could get from doing the course. So, if i did end up being a single mum, I'd go back into that field.

However, the field I am in now is where I want to be long term. I enjoy it and I'm happy doing what I do. I just feel a bit wasted if I stay at the lower level for the rest of my life given where I was / could be if I'd stayed in the original field.

I’m with the majority. Go to uni now then get the better job then have a baby. Could you do an accelerated course to get you out in less time?

Go to university.

If you want to TTC you can, however if you do drop out of uni I think you'll probably have to accept your unlikely to go back. If you drop out you have to do it with the attitude that it's forever.

I would go, and start TTC if you really want once you have started, then you can take a year out of uni or leave but then if TTC doesn't happen you haven't wasted your uni place. You might start uni and love it, and decide you want to wait.

I get what you're saying @BlueCornishPixie If I drop out of uni having already started, I'd have also lost a job I really enjoy. It's unlikely I would be able to get the job back, they don't come up very often.

Don't withdraw! Just defer!

If you withdraw, there's no guarantee you'll get accepted to the course again. To be honest, you might not go back because life will get in the way, as it does, especially with a child.

If you defer (maybe try to defer for two years) you will always know that this is your plan, it's sorted, you won't have to reapply and face the potential disappointment of not getting in.

I feel like if you just withdraw it, life will get in the way as it does or you won't be accepted again and you'll finish maternity leave and go back to the job you're unsatisfied with now and you might never get round to doing the degree.

Uni with a toddler is easier than work with a toddler anyway (unless you're doing nursing or something which is always pretty intense, hours-wise).

I'd definitely just defer and TTC now.

I'd have also lost a job I really enjoy. It's unlikely I would be able to get the job back, they don't come up very often.

But surely even if you go to uni and graduate you would have also lost that specific job, and also there would be no guarantee that if you stayed in the current lower role you would enjoy it 3 or 4 years down the line?

The Open University is brilliant for situations like this.

Is deferring even an option without a solid reason such as pregnancy? I didn't think that was?

Yes true @IceRebel but I suppose my thinking is that at least then I'd have the degree which would give me more options whereas if I started uni, fell pregnant almost immediately and dropped out, I'd have no relevant degree or job.

Ahh sadly @QueenoftheBiscuitTin the OU doesn't do an equivalent. The course I've got a conditional place on leads to professional registration. I've looked into the OU option extensively as it'd be fab. The option with OU would involve doing a semi relevant undergraduate degree, which realistically takes what, 6 years part time? And then doing a masters through a traditional university (sorry not sure what the wording would be but essentially not OU) which then would enable professional registration. I'm not sure if that would be an option but by far the simplest option for progression is the undergraduate I'm currently conditionally accepted on.

It might take you a while to conceive but equally you could be one of the lucky ones where it happens the first or second month. If thats the case, you’d have the baby before the uni year was over which isn’t ideal.

You’re only young, I’d get uni over with first. I did my degree with three children in tow and it was possible but not easy.

I definitely agree that you should go to university first. I am now at the point where I have to wait until both dc are in school so that I can go and get my degree. Also, dh was 40 when our first dc was born. We only started trying after I was diagnosed with endometriosis and encouraged to have children sooner rather than later.

You’re only young

I think if DH and I were both my age it would be far less of an issue and I'd agree with you and put my feelings aside.

Out of interest, what would people say is the cut off before saying TTC should come before university? Is there a cut off?

Do uni first. You can always ttc in you final year and take time out afterwards .

I think if you were late 30s I would suggest TTC first.

Uni first you'll be 31 when you graduate, you can always start TTC a few months before graduation. He'll be 38, there are far far older dads than that

Go to uni.

It’s not impossible to do both and you’ll figure it out. My DSis was pregnant during both of her degrees (year 1 the first time and year 2 the second) and during one of those her husband wasn’t here.

You’re giving your future child something too through having better qualifications.

He'll be 38 - actually he'll be 39 and pushing 40 by the time baby arrives and that's assuming we conceive immediately.

But that's my point, that's not an option as we can't afford full time childcare

Have you looked into the extra, money student parents get?Have you checked the uni, does it have childcare?

How many hours a week do you have to be in uni? Some courses it's a lot and other courses it can be just a couple of hours.

Surely if you can't afford childcare then doing uni first would be the best option?

@thiddlinggubbins I took a gap year and went to work started a relation ship with now DH and still not gone to uni, currently pregnant with DC2.... so happy I did that though! I wanted to be a nurse but working as a HCA showed me I DO NOT want to be nurse!

Depends what you want more right now, no one can answer that for you! My DH will be 38 when this baby is born and doesn't want anymore after 40 x

You sound like you want to TTC now, and your DH does too... so what are you really asking? Permission? Whether it's okay to prioritise a baby over the degree you want?

I don't want that to sound harsh, but it's worth thinking about, I think!

Of course you should do the course and wait. 31 is still young and you’d have plenty of time. If you have two kids in two years and wait until they are in nursery/school that’s six years until you could start a degree. You’d graduate aged 37.

Plus most other mums these days are early to mid 30s too. I felt very odd as a late 20s mum and we were less well off compared to the other parents. And still are because kids impact your mortgage borrowings as well as being more expensive. Enjoy being young a bit longer because kids are bloody hard work and really restrict your freedom, especially time as a couple.

What’s the offer conditional on? Another course?

I think you should go to uni first then have a baby. At 40, your partner is far from an old dad anyway.

I went to uni age 27, have just finished my degree and am planning on TTC after being in my new career for a year so I be 31 when we start trying.