Need help with Bullying. Feel like school is dragging their feet.

[GhostBustersFavouriteMum]

I really need some help, possibly with perspective, so posting here for traffic.
DD is yr9 and has been targeted by a couple of girls in her year, one of whom is in her form both are in at least some of her classes. For the sake of not drip feeding DD is 14 and a size 14 she's busty and hippy and has a bit of a pot belly. She looks like Sofia Loren body wise. Anyway she's told us she thinks she's gay as she likes boys and girls but not sure how that will manifest yet and frankly we don't care who she loves makes no nevermind to us, but this is relevant as that and her weight are reasons she's being bullied. One girl has always bullied her about her weight but one girl who was a friend has now taken to joining in with the bully and is openly homophobic. Is proud to be.
Essentially it's either 'you're a fat' insert potty mouth of your choice she's been at the end of them all including the Cbomb. And/or 'you're disgusting. You're going to ruin the world because there will be no more babies' Or My personal favourite 'that's gross. People like you should be aborted'

DD has had several days off due to mental health issues all resulting from the bullying. She's talking about self harming and about not wanting to go on. We are absolutely beside ourselves to see her so sad.
I have contacted school a lot of these messages were over text and we have them on screen shot. The school have started an investigation. Another investigation. The problem is the bullies deny it, the school have put in place a counsellor for DDs self esteem issues, pat themselves on the back having investigated and met their guidelines. Meanwhile the bullies snigger and carry on.

To top it off one of the bullies has now started playing mind games making out DD is getting her parents in trouble (won't say how just spreading it around that DD is saying stuff about her parents) and calling out DD for staring at her when DD is trying to work in class, making sure her male entourage pay all sorts of attention and seethe at DD. And kids being kids, sheep like and with a sense of self preservation one assumes, they can't wait to rally round the bully and stick the boot in.

I am currently pushing for someone to take this seriously at the school. It'll be LEA next if I don't get anywhere.

So in the spirit of the thread AIBU to ask Mumsnet for any assistance or advice on how to proceed.
Thanks all.

The school said they would put in place a meeting with DD and bully 1 plus teaching staff in the hope that if DD explains impact the bully will suddenly grow a conscious.

This sounds massively counter-productive, and likely to give the bully more ammunition against your daughter by making her highlight where her vulnerabilities are.

What will your daughter do if she bares her soul and the bully laughs in her face? You have to be prepared for a bad outcome if she does this.

Hi op, I've been following your thread and am aghast at how the school are handling this.

Does your dd want to go back to that particular school? I would seriously be considering home education, am pretty sure camhs will back you up on this.

I've had similar dealings with dd's high school last year and I had so little faith in them that we changed schools, best thing that's happened to her, the difference is huge.

I've also had dealings with camhs for ds and they backed us all the way and were appalled at how he had been treated at primary school (he has autism and epilepsy).

Thinking of you all, it's horrible to go through x

Meeting with DD and bully 1 took place. Bully not only wouldn't apologise but justified her behaviour because DD was saying stuff about her Mum (which is a very well worn lie) school told bully 1 to not speak to DD at any time and left it at that.
Bully 2 is apparently being taken out of school to do her GCSES as she 'Keeps getting into trouble for no reason' according to her DM's extremely angry post on the school FB page. I hope this actually happens.

Really not sure what if anything else will happen now. I think the best we can hope for is for CAMHS to sign DD off for the entirety of her GCSES although from what I've learned from the LEA the likelihood of that is slim to none.

After some research DP and I have agreed we have the following options: (advice on whether anyone has experience with any of these would be appreciated.)
Me giving up ft work to home school - outcome after removing all luxuries except broadband, we'd be in debt of £480 every month
Move to a different area of the country.
Getting a GCSE tutor/online schooling which would be doable but would mean there would be no spare cash at all for emergencies or any money for the extra curricular activities DS and DD currently enjoy. Or birthdays/Xmas etc.

Buy loads of GCSE books and teach DD after work and weekends and take up GP's offer of occasional day time tuition (I don't expect this will happen, they'll end up on 'educational' days out with their NTrust pass which is fine by us I hasten to add!)

Feeling utterly abandoned tbh.

I think you should talk to a solicitor. Your DD is protected by the Equality Act.

You don’t have to give up work to home educate.
I’d suggest you go to some hone Ed groups locally and chat to others about how it works. You’ll find local groups on Facebook.

However, you shouldn’t be forced to home Ed because your dd isn’t safe in school.

Is there a children’s advocacy service in your area or a service to support parents with Sen support in schools?

In Wales it is SNAP Cymru, I don’t know who it would be in England

Maybe posting in SEN or secondary, or even legal would give you some ideas as to where to find advice?

I don't know what I would do Op, but I wouldn't let 14 year old cretin bullies make me move house or give up my job. It's disgusting you've been put in this position by those creeps who don't deserve the steam off your piss as we say in these parts.
Hoping someone with expertise in the Ed sector can give you some proper advice.
Your dds mental health is the most important thing, poor kid, so I'd let her guide you as to what she wants to do, does she know what she'd like to do?

Ps, when ds was bullied last year I wanted to go all guns blazing but it was my ds who was the voice of reason and ultimately made the final decision, whereas I wanted pitchforks and torches and pistols at dawn

Ineffective? How long does the investigation take? Should be quick.

Are they claiming it's all being done online, this out of school?
But it's not, is it? Some of the things these girls are saying and doing are on school premises, aren't they?

Step it up. Email. Ask for dates of when each stage will be concluded? and ask for an emergency meeting?

Hi everyone. Just wanted to let you know we have DD back. She's absolutely back to her old self now we're in the holidays. DD feels unable to attend school in September atm. We have no recourse but to hope that CAMHS sign her off next week and she gets to have a school funded tutor. Have a great summer everyone, we'll let you know what happens with CAMHS x

@GhostBustersFavouriteMum hi, just sped read your thread, am glad to see you DD is back to her self on the holidays.

My DS has an issue with billing from Yr 7 to 9. There is a charity called Kidscape that do anti bullying workshops for people who have been the target of bullying. They are free of charge and the kids go an have a day of various exercises and techniques to use as well as a separate afternoon session for the parents. We attended a few years ago and whilst it didn't solve everything I came out better informed as a parent, my sone knew he wasn't the only person going through it and did learn some coping techniques to deploy. I also loved the fact they used target and not victim to describe the person being bullied.

www.kidscape.org.uk/kidscape-programmes/zap-community/

Your poor DD, this happened to me 15 years ago but I was being bullied about being gang raped and because of a lie some so called friend made up to a girl two years above us that I'd said something about her mum who had committed suicide when she was a child, which was absolute bullshit and completely made up yet teenagers don't care and love to believe rumours then rally round like packs of wild animals. The experience ruined my education since I had to leave school and couldn't go to any others for various reasons.

The school will likely do nothing they don't care, tbh I don't have much advice just want to say I will be thinking of your DD and hoping this gets sorted for her. Some kids are truly horrible people and will probably be nasty, disgusting adults too.