Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate my "lovely" area with a passion?

62 replies

caramelbaila · 25/06/2019 15:58

The village I live in is regarded as a very sought after place. People move from all over the country because of its quaintness and top scoring primary schools. It is one of the least deprived areas in the country. The village had (say had because most were bought) a small council estate of about 20 houses on the outskirts. You were considered very lucky if you got a council house here. Nowadays about 3 of them are still council. The rest have been bought and have had the middle walls knocked through to make 2 houses into one. I live in one of the remaining council's, and I fucking hate it.

Me and DH both grew up on estates and didn't go to uni but we both have decent jobs. I'm a carer and he's a decorator. We got together young and were married with 2 DC by 24. We are good, decent people as are my neighbours on both sides, who are in the other 2 council's. However all of us are snubbed by the rest of the road and in the village. My neighbour often says she feels like they are waiting for us to sod off. I get ignored at the school gates and my DC are often left out of party invites at school and nursery. On DD's 7th birthday I decided to take her and 3 friends to the cinema in town. 2 of the mum's INSISTED on coming with us. I said "It's fine, I will pick _ up, we'll see the film, get something to eat then I'll bring her home." They made excuses as to why they had to come. So we at were Pizza Hut afterwards and as the kids were chatting, the 2 mum's conversed with each other and ignored me.

I have been shamed by other mum's because my kids do their activities (DD dancing and DS messy art) in the town centre rather than in the village. "Ooh why don't you go to the village hall? It's just lovely." Pfft. Yeah, you say that, but I'm sure when we turned up you'd pretend you hadn't seen us. Not to mention it's a hell of a lot cheaper in town. DH is a decorator and has a really good reputation in the local towns. He is constantly being recommended. Has he ever had any work offered to him in the village? Fuck no. Someone moved in a while ago and he went round and said he had his own business etc and he'd be happy to help them at a discount if they ever needed him. They've not spoken to us since. DD's teacher's patronize me on parent's evening. Even the dentist who lives and works here spoke to me and DC like shit then as we left the room another mother and child came in and she was lovely to them.

We speak differently to everyone, not chavvy, just normal. We're a decade younger than most of the other parents round here. My daughter occasionally has to go to school with a pen mark on her jumper because she only has 1. All these are little things but they seem to be such a huge deal. Even DD is noticing. She came up to me last week and said " asked why I go to this school and not a different one." Well that's clearly come from 's mum. AIBU to just want to put my house up for swap and move away from here? I'm fucking sick of us being looked down on, and I miss being around people who actually saw us as decent people. I miss my old town, where there was actually a mixture.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/06/2019 16:01

They sound like dreadful snobs OP. Are you living in the Lakes by any chance? That kind of thing goes on where I came from. A friend and I who escaped call it Royston Vasey...

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 16:01

You should feel sorry for people as shallow as that and be thankful you're not

Missillusioned · 25/06/2019 16:04

Swap. If the village is sought after you can probably pick and choose where you go. I know what you mean. Ironically people in those sort of places always go on about how lovely and friendly it is. Which it is. If your face fits.

GroggyLegs · 25/06/2019 16:07

If you feel isolated and unhappy then of course you're not BU.

One person's 'lovely' is another's idea of hell.

user87382294757 · 25/06/2019 16:09

We live is a 'lovely' area too but I am from very working class totally different area and no-one is like that. Wonder if it is the small village thing? Are you sure you are not imagining some of it. People here would be very embarrassed to behave like that

RubberTreePlant · 25/06/2019 16:11

Honestly? I'd get out to somewhere less rarified, where people treat you normally.

user87382294757 · 25/06/2019 16:16

Maybe you could do a house swap to one of the towns?

rainysummer23 · 25/06/2019 16:16

Are all of the school parents such snobs OP? I think it's so sad that they would leave your children out of party invites. Do your children play with certain children in school or nursery? If so, it's odd that they are not invited to the parties of their friends.

I'm new to the whole school gates socialising (my son is 4 years old). Sometimes it does feel isolating when you see other parents having a good natter while you have nothing to say to anyone!

Lifeover · 25/06/2019 16:16

If you don’t like the like
It and can my move

Tingface · 25/06/2019 16:19

Well, if it’s so desirable I’m sure you’d have no problem finding someone who wanted to swap with you?

HiJenny35 · 25/06/2019 16:23

I think you're thinking more of it that it is. I wouldn't employ a local person who offered to work for me, I only use people who I have had recommendations from customers and I've seen there work and I'd probably avoid him after that because I'd feel awkward. I wouldn't allow my 7 year old to go to a cinema and birthday party with a parent I didn't know, I'd want to bring her, wait and collect her. I would probably say "oh why don't you come to the local one it's fab" if I heard someone was going to one further away and I went to a good one, that's not shaming you.
My daughter has loads of jumpers, often grabs the same one and goes in pen covered. You are probably a bit younger than the other mums so maybe they don't know how much they have in common so aren't as chatty. It sounds like anything that happens you put down to the council aspect and look for things that often might not actually be things at all. However that's irrelevant, if you aren't happy move but I'd question if in a new area you will just put new issues down to something else and think anxiety/self esteem might be worth looking at.

wildcherries · 25/06/2019 16:29

I'm sorry they're like that, how shitty of them. I'd swap house if possible before it impacts your daughter and your family even further.

growlingbear · 25/06/2019 16:33

Not that different from our village then. We live in a street of mixed social and private housing and people used to sidle up to me and ask how I could possibly have bought there with the estate on my doorstep. As if DC were going to catch common. FFS. I didn't know such petty snobbery actually existed until we moved here. I love it for loads of other reasons, but not the people.

MerryMarigold · 25/06/2019 16:34

I think there's 2 things probably going on here:

  1. They feel awkward and 'different' to you and therefore treat you differently and patronisingly, and it's not good.
  1. You feel the difference even more than them and perhaps notice difficulties/ snubs where there isn't anything bad felt or intended. I think at age 7, most parents would accompany a trip to the cinema unless they know the parents really well. I always expected parents to be at parties until about 8 or 9. I also think if you were busy sorting food/ children, the Mums would naturally talk to each other. But is was rude not to include you once you'd finished what you were doing.

You sound unhappy and if I were you, I'd go.

BlueJava · 25/06/2019 16:40

I guess you could swap if you wanted to - just be careful to not jump out of the frying pan into the fire. A few snobby mums are nothing to a hoard of roaming youths up to no good.

Ravenesque · 25/06/2019 16:48

Definitely get on homeswapper and move. I live in a lovely village that is very desirable on a housing association small estate. The homeowners in the village aren't as snobby as those in your village, but some are and it's just so tiring to have to deal with their shit. I'm hoping that a swap currently in motion will go through and I can be somewhere more "normal". My main reason for leaving isn't the people here but the isolation. I don't drive and one bus an hour until just before 6pm and none on Sundays and bank holidays is difficult. So are the fares which have gone from a bit pricey to bloody mental over the past couple of years.

TeapotofTerror · 25/06/2019 17:01

I feel your pain. I don't live in a council house but my place is tiny and very shitty compared to everyone we know.
I'm sick of being made to feel like a freak as I have no garden, dishwasher, playroom, trampoline, spare room etc.
It's a lovely area but I'm sick of being "the poor one" and am dreading DS realising.

I do wonder about moving to a poorer area but I think I'd be exchanging one set of problems for another.

3dogs2cats · 25/06/2019 17:05

God no don’t swap. Buy the house and then sell as soon as you can.
But I also think that you may be reading too much into some of this. You sound like a lovely family, hard working and child centred, surely anyone would be pleased to know you.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 25/06/2019 17:09

Can you do right to buy? At least long term you could profit.

Downinthetubestationatmidnight · 25/06/2019 17:12

Really surprised parents don't leave their children at the cinema/pizza for a party until 8 or 9, the norm when mine were growing up was as soon as they started school children were dropped off and picked up by their parents although cinema trip parties tended to be age 5/6 upwards.

Unless it's unbearable and only you know that, I would stick it out I
think. Things might improve when they start secondary school and mix with a broader set of children?

justmyview · 25/06/2019 17:14

I think you're thinking more of it that it is. I wouldn't employ a local person who offered to work for me, I only use people who I have had recommendations from customers and I've seen there work and I'd probably avoid him after that because I'd feel awkward. I wouldn't allow my 7 year old to go to a cinema and birthday party with a parent I didn't know, I'd want to bring her, wait and collect her. I would probably say "oh why don't you come to the local one it's fab" if I heard someone was going to one further away and I went to a good one, that's not shaming you.
My daughter has loads of jumpers, often grabs the same one and goes in pen covered. You are probably a bit younger than the other mums so maybe they don't know how much they have in common so aren't as chatty. It sounds like anything that happens you put down to the council aspect and look for things that often might not actually be things at all. However that's irrelevant, if you aren't happy move but I'd question if in a new area you will just put new issues down to something else and think anxiety/self esteem might be worth looking at

This ^

Marylou2 · 25/06/2019 17:16

You live in a good area and the schools are outstanding Will there be the option to buy your current home in the future? I certainly wouldn't let my eight year old go anywhere with people I didn't know. When my 12 year old met new friends at a High School and wanted to invite them to a party/activity I wrote to the parents introducing myself and DH and asking if they'd like to meet us for coffee beforehand. Worked really well. You sound very insecure about your background and social status. Moving to a less affluent area could bring a whole new raft of problems so I'd think carefully before I made my next move.

Bluerussian · 25/06/2019 17:18

I wonder if you have a chip on your shoulder, op, and it shows. Perhaps you are being the snob. People pick up on that and are then wary of getting involved.

It's not unusual nowadays for a parent to accompany their child to a party or treat such as cinema or pizza. It happens all the time. Didn't happen in my day but I think there is a lot of pressure now on parents to supervise/safeguard their children and that is the reason. It's no reflection on you, they'd do it with anyone unless they knew them well.

As for them talking to each other, they know each other. You were probably occupied with the kids and maybe you are not as approachable as you think.

These are just my thoughts, I don't mind being wrong and wish you good cheer.

crazychemist · 25/06/2019 17:21

Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time OP. I will charitably hope that some of it is unintentional - if you are a generation younger some of the mums just won’t know how to open a conversation as they’ll feel they don’t have much in common with you. I guess I would automatically gravitate towards someone who looked similar age to me, I wouldn’t think about it (probably should do now I’ve realised that!)

Maybe being a bit over sensitive on the cinema thing (my DD is only 2, so I’m not sure, but I don’t remember going to things like that without a parent until I was about 10). Likewise on them encouraging you to do things in the village hall, that sounds like they’re trying to be friendly.

Does your DD do well at school? Basically, if what’s so attractive to people is the school, you need to decide if that’s worth it to you, or if you’d rather live somewhere a bit more varied.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/06/2019 17:22

Buy your house

And don't look down on your neighbours Grin

Break that mould

Swipe left for the next trending thread