Joint finances

[Busymummy888]

Hi all

My partner and I have moved in together I have shit credit so we are renting and it’s in his name.

He has a lot of outgoings etc so it was agreed that we would combine our incomes and have like a joint account but everything coming out of his account.

So it’s starting this month and he mentioned last night u have to put *** amount in my account this weekend I was like yeah no worries do you have that second card? And he said I can’t get one as it’s a single account I’ll juat send u back money when you need it.

I said what do you mean by that? And he said when you need money tell me and il
Transfer it. Now this is where I got annoyed why should I have to ‘ask’ for my own money. I told him I would rather have the online banking app on my phone and he got on strange about it and kind of talked me down and now I am not sure what’s happening only that I am sending him the money.

Basically I will be sending him 1300 a month £500 is bills the other £900 is for groceries etc he has like £400 left over after his bills. I just hate the thought of having to ask for my own money AIBU?

YANBU.
Only put into the shared account the amount you are budgeting for shared expenses.

£900 a month for groceries for two of you? what are you eating - caviar and champagne every night????

Massive pisstake you would be crazy to do this

Send him the £500 for bills only

Open a true joint account. Go with NatWest or Halifax who have a “bad credit rating” basic account and have your personal money personal.

Be very careful.

Having a joint account or two single acounts are both valid options.

Given you're going down the two single acount route, I don't understand why you'd be transferring more than your share of the bills. He shouldn't have to transfer money back to you, because there shouldn't be any extra to transfer back.

YANBU. Set up a proper joint account you both have access to - do it this week. Until that’s set up, transfer him just the £500 for bills. Why would you send money to a “joint” account for groceries that only he can spend?

Yes it might be a single account but surely you can go into the bank and have your name added to the account ? You will then get a card in your name. We did that, no issue at all with the bank.

Nope, do not give away your financial independence if you are not married. Joint account or you transfer him the £500 for bills and you can split grocery shopping or he can ask you for money. Do not give him all of your disposable income.

No way sorry

No way should you be having to ask for your money from him. I don't understand it really, I mean if you're going shopping for groceries for you both you will have to ask him to transfer money before you can do so? That is not going to be practical - can you imagine waiting outside supermarket because you can't get hold of him?

Just put money in for the bills.

I'm assuming that there is no way in hell you are even considering this, and that you are going to watch very closely for any future (equally massive) red flags for controlling behaviour.

You transfer exactly half of what the bills will be (rent, electric etc) and then take turns about buying groceries.

No way do your bills excluding rent come to £900 - do you have proof of this or is this what he has told you?

You can get an account from Starling that doesn't have a credit check if you don't get an overdraft. You could get one of those to use for food shopping.

However, if you do have 'shit credit' then he doesn't want a joint account with you as it will create an association that will damage his credit record.

The idea to get an account for shared bills and other expenses is a good one, but you both also need access to some of your own money (preferably equal amounts) for your own personal spending.

Do you still have debt or is it all paid off now?

If you want a joint account then go set one up. It sounds like you're quite naive. Don't let him dictate to you

Is your bad credit because of previous debts / overspending / poor money management? If so, I can see why he wouldn’t want to give you free rein over an account that has his money in it. That doesn’t mean you need to do things his way, though. I’ve never had totally shared finances with a partner - have always had one joint account into which we both put a fair agreed amount in to cover bills and then kept sole accounts for our own spends tocwhuch we’ve had sole access. Tell him you want to do things that way.

900 for groceries is mad. Family of 4 here and our food is no more than 100 quid a week.

You should have a joint account. Not his account. He can now basically handle all your finances.

So your share is £500 for rent and £900 for utilities and groceries? £1000 rent makes sense, but £1800 for everything else for 2 people? Do you have anyhting left over? Or is the £1300 all your monthly income.

My advice is to open a joint account. Both of you put £X or % there. Rest is yours to spend and no need to ask. If you are or good with money and want him to control your money then you need to come up.with agreement where he gives you spending money etc.

Why send him all your wages, just give him your share.
Though tbh I’d run a mile from a man who wants to control my money

"it was agreed that we would combine our incomes and have like a joint account but everything coming out of his account."
What does this even mean?

There is no joint account. He wants both of your incomes going into his account because, as you've said, "He has a lot of outgoings etc". He wants you to pay his bills.

You will then have to ask him for the balance of your money (which you won't be able to have as it will have been spent on his high outgoings). Are you completely mad? What would possess you to even consider this?

Go to any high street bank and open a basic bank account in your name. Open a joint one too and each transfer amount for rent and bills into it. Any bills that are purely your or his own are to come out of your single accounts.

If you split-up do remember that you will be the one moving out as the rent is in his name only. Don't have kids with him as there are already problems in this relationship. You don't know him well enough to be moving in with him.

£500 for bills and £900 for groceries? Wtf?
Do not do this. You'd be mad.

What are the 'lot of outgoings' that he has? Are there something that you should be paying towards? Or are there things like his previous debts, support for any children or expensive hobbies/cars that he should be paying for out of his own money?

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Yanbu - just send him your share of expenses and keep the rest in your own account.

This isn't going to work so stop it now, it is perfectly acceptable to most banks , there are a few exceptions but you have to go talk to them, to change an account to allow another person access -he doesn't want to do this so its his account, doesn't matter what he's calling it but he's basically got you to agree to put money into his account. Don't transfer all your money into his account, it won't work practically, imagine you are out she something you need for home, then you have to contact him asking him to transfer money and all the delays. Its also unfair as he has full control over it and you have no say, what if half way through the month he says nope its all spent.

And, this system wont help you improve your credit rating at all, its not going to help both of you going forward. You need to build back up your credit ratings.

Sit down with him, say no bank card or app wont work so work out what all the bills are, work out the rent then give him half- assuming he still wants to pay all bills out of his account, as he doesn't want to change all his outgoings. Then discuss how you will deal with joint household spending on other things like grocery's, furniture, travel etc. how is this best handled is down to you both, to decide, I'd suggest you open together a bank account , you both have access to and both can use, transfer an agreed amount into this ( ideally if he's contributing 400 you should contribute the same but maybe different incomes mean different amounts) but do keep your own account for your own money - just tell him you don't want him knowing how much his birthday present was etc.

Is he having a laugh? Also £900 for groceries? And of course your boyfriend wants to make sure things are fair so you’d only be paying half, yes? 🤔 so £1800 a month for groceries for two people?

Set up a joint account in both your names, with equal access. Pay the same amount in each month, and keep any leftover cash in your own individual account. Me and DH have separate finances though, so what do I know??

Open a joint account for joint expenses, combining income completely worked for us but you need a lot more trust than I get from above!