Joint finances

[Busymummy888]

Hi all

My partner and I have moved in together I have shit credit so we are renting and it’s in his name.

He has a lot of outgoings etc so it was agreed that we would combine our incomes and have like a joint account but everything coming out of his account.

So it’s starting this month and he mentioned last night u have to put *** amount in my account this weekend I was like yeah no worries do you have that second card? And he said I can’t get one as it’s a single account I’ll juat send u back money when you need it.

I said what do you mean by that? And he said when you need money tell me and il
Transfer it. Now this is where I got annoyed why should I have to ‘ask’ for my own money. I told him I would rather have the online banking app on my phone and he got on strange about it and kind of talked me down and now I am not sure what’s happening only that I am sending him the money.

Basically I will be sending him 1300 a month £500 is bills the other £900 is for groceries etc he has like £400 left over after his bills. I just hate the thought of having to ask for my own money AIBU?

I'd want a breakdown of all the bills and then transfer that amount to him each month. Then have cash kitty on the house for food.

Firstly that's a heck of a lot of money on food

Secondly we have a joint bills account for mortgage food bills etc. Then we have our own accounts. We send a certain amount each to the joint account which is always down to the last £20 monthly. I have a spreadsheet so we can assess each year what's gone up or down and adjust. We pay £1200 each into it and that includes food of approx £600 and mortgage of £1000, all bills including car insurance etc. You are putting in way more with less rent going out. Something isn't adding up OP.

Do the figures strike you as a bit high OP?

Your update sounds like things are much better op. Well done for thinking things through and working it out.

Even with your update I think you need to get yourself on the Freedom Programme sharpish: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

It's just information, they won't tell you to leave him. It will help you feel more confident you know what's "normal" in a relationship.

What he originally "proposed" and his reaction when you challenged it were both potentially financially abusive. Which is scary with your history that you thought that could be what joint finances looked like.

I would suggest an actual joint account with no cash card at all, just each send half the bills amount to each month and all the standing orders/direct debits come out of that.
Also a pre-paid mastercard to which you send an agreed amount to each month for groceries and you each have a card for this account.

The fact that he even suggested this knowing you would have no access to your own money is a huge red flag.
Looks like you have gone from one financially abusive man to another.

Now DH moved into my flat, all the bills were set up to come out of an account in my name for that purpose, I had a separate account for spends, going out etc. I just added his name to the bills account and his credit was awful back then. We both had a card and joint access online, it's actually the same account we still use

I mortgage.. I have shit credit and it all comes out of DPs account. I send him 600 a month to cover all bills and food ect.

Our mortgage is only 228 a month each so very cheap. But he never takes all my money, and when I run out of money he is very open to lending me his money, but he makes notes and I always have to pay it back the following payday which is fair enough.

Work out how much rent is, half it, work out how much water, gas, electric is, half it. So that will all Bill's. If and when they do the foodshoo, transfer him 50% of what it cost. Dont let him have anymore than he need to cover your half.