Joint finances

[Busymummy888]

Hi all

My partner and I have moved in together I have shit credit so we are renting and it’s in his name.

He has a lot of outgoings etc so it was agreed that we would combine our incomes and have like a joint account but everything coming out of his account.

So it’s starting this month and he mentioned last night u have to put *** amount in my account this weekend I was like yeah no worries do you have that second card? And he said I can’t get one as it’s a single account I’ll juat send u back money when you need it.

I said what do you mean by that? And he said when you need money tell me and il
Transfer it. Now this is where I got annoyed why should I have to ‘ask’ for my own money. I told him I would rather have the online banking app on my phone and he got on strange about it and kind of talked me down and now I am not sure what’s happening only that I am sending him the money.

Basically I will be sending him 1300 a month £500 is bills the other £900 is for groceries etc he has like £400 left over after his bills. I just hate the thought of having to ask for my own money AIBU?

You need control over your own money. You each need your own personal accounts and then a joint account for expenses. He’s right, you won’t be able to have your own card to an account that isn’t yours, so you need to both be on a joint account. As you aren’t even married and this is a new ish relationship, there’s no reason to be pooling money.

Either a joint account or if he's concerned about your credit effecting his you transfer money to him for the bills and take turns doing the shopping

Did you go to a bank to set up a joint account? That's how you do it or you fill in a form online.

Either set up a joint account properly or just split the bills between you.

Also 900 for groceries is insane!!!!

Thanks all I have bad credit due to a financial abusive ex who I ran up lots of debt in my name so I am quite nervous about ‘sharing’ finances

Then absolutely do not do this.

No fucking way.

A proper joint account, or you stay separate.

Transfer the money owed and do alternative weekly online shop. Be careful this sounds like you could be sleep walking into another financially controlling situation.

No chance.

If you must live together do it all properly. Set up a proper joint account and both either transfer in the same amount every month to cover all bills or transfer the same percentage of earnings if there is a big discrepancy. It seems like you might both be a bit shit with money though so I'd just watch your back.

Yes and be careful your not sleep walking into another financially abusive relationship. Does he treat you as an equal in all respects?

No don't do it, it doesn't seem right to me at all.

Please don't make yourself vulnerable to financial abuse again

You're *

Big red flag. Open up a proper joint account and put in funds that are your half of the bills by transfer from your account for an audit trail . Then split grocery shopping as you do it, keep your salary going into your own account and under no circumstances put it into his

Do not do this. You'll be walking into another financially abusive relationship again.
Give him your share of rent and bills ONLY. You should have some bills in your name too.

Please don't let it happen to you again.

Definetely no way would i pay all my wages into his account, you should pay in enough for half the rent, council tax and bills, he's taking the piss £900 a month for food. Me and my late partner spent less than £350 a month on toiletries, cleaning stuff and food, don't allow him to take full control of your money, big mistake

Don't have a joint account. Have your own account and transfer your share of bills to him every month. With a joint account, what's stopping him from taking all your money or constantly questioning your spending.

How long have you been together? Where was he living before renting the new place & why couldn't you just move in with him there? Don't pay anything to him above your half for rent, council tax, utilities. I suspect you've landed yourself another financially abusive future ex.

£900 a month for groceries for two people? and presumably that's only your half, is he saying he's going to spend £1800 a month on groceries? Do not do this, look after your own finances

I am quite nervous about ‘sharing’ finances

Then don't share finances.

I find it difficult to believe that your rent is £1000 and your "groceries etc" are £1800. Have you sat down and worked through the rent and utilities together? This is a good opportunity to use comparison sites to get better deals. Once you know the amount, give him half if that is what works for you.

Are you both named on the tenancy?

My DP lives in my house. He doesn't pay me rent, but we split all other bills 50-50. For joint expenditure we each put £130 in to a pot and use that for groceries, takeaways, tickets etc.

I would only send over the £500 for the bills and either take turns in buying the food shopping or get a pre-paid card which you can both top up and use in the store to pay for shopping.

There's no way in hell I'd be asking for my money each month like a bloody allowance - no chance!!!

£900 for groceries? Why not just transfer your half of the bills, or whatever ratio of them you pay; or get a joint account in both of your names.

If you have a shit credit rating he would be mad to have any shared financial interest with you - your shit rating will impact on him. Harsh but true.

We have this the other way around - DH and I can't have any financial associations as he has been bankrupt and it would ruin me. Instead he transfers me a set amount for our joint bills that I pay - but he has full access to the account online so can see it all come and go. He keeps the rest of his money himself though.

You definitely shouldn't give him control of all of your money - but a joint account where one person has a crap rating is madness - you'll both suffer for it.

Can see why a joint account does not make sense for his credit rating but you should not need to transfer him any more than half the rent/utility money (after seeing evidence of these direct debits, as you have no access to the account itself).

As for the groceries, the sum he wants you to pay cannot be right. You need to go through a few weeks receipts together and work out the required monthly spend (which should not be anything like £1800 for two people!!!) and transfer half of that BUT ONLY if he's going to be doing all the grocery shopping. It's madness to transfer him the money and then need it transferred back in increments everytime you go shopping for household food/ toiletries etc.

What my husband and I do (we have semi-separate finances) is pay into joint account proportionate to earnings for household bills and children's expenses, not including food. Rest is separate. We split cooking roughly equally, taking turns, and each shop/pay for what we plan to cook out if our personal funds. There will be other ways to work this according to your requirements .... (I appreciate our method wouldn't really work if our earnings were vastly different or one of us did the majority share of cooking but we'd think of something else.)

If you are buying more groceries, you need a reduction in your bill contribution to reflect that and vice versa.

As it stands he looks to be making a huge profit out if you with no scope for transparency.

Learn from your past & keep your financial independence.

Either set up a proper joint account,

Or, if you can’t because of your credit history, then put into his account your part of the bills & keep the rest to yourself.

So had a chat it’s gonna be half rent and bills sent to him the whoever does the grocery shop each week will be sent half by the other thanks so much for advice