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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Giving a friend regular lifts

87 replies

Sunflower20 · 24/06/2019 21:58

If you lived in close proximity to a good friend who doesn't drive, would you take them grocery shopping every week? As in a longterm arrangement?

OP posts:

Ihatehashtags · 25/06/2019 07:01

No way!!

Butterymuffin · 25/06/2019 07:24

You've said 'I'd have to drive to her and pick her up' - no, you could say she has to get herself to your place, or to meet you at the supermarket even. See how already you are taking on all the effort in this arrangement? Don't do it.

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 25/06/2019 07:28

Is there a genuine reason she can't online shop?

Raspberrytruffle · 25/06/2019 07:53

Certainly not , the odd time but I'd suggest that's what online shopping is for, I've had the same issue with bil as we live rurally. Bil expecting us to take him in to local town daily for that pint of milk he forgot when we had already took him with us for his weekly shop became old, we tell bil he needs to start stop expecting us to take him everywhere and to plan in advance I.e right a shopping list so hes not asking daily to go in to town because hes forgot stuff, remember to top up electric when in town . It didn't change anything and we were getting really pissed off at having an extra child to look after so we said no more lifts you're a big boy do online shopping and get the bus in to town , bil played on the oh I dont understand how to do a shop online so I said no worries il set you an account up and show you how to do it, bil next excuse oh I dont trust online banking etc my money wont be safe shopping online so we said it's safe stop being silly it's either online shopping or getting the bus to shop. He gets on with it now

WillLokireturn · 25/06/2019 14:26

There's a difference between doing a friend a favour on the odd occasion and an ongoing commitment for 2 to 2.5 hours a week that you have to book in your diary no matter how tired or busy you are (there and back in car and 1.5 hours in the shop)

When you consider it that way and how easily your friend could instead arrange an online delivery service, it'll clarify what's being asked/expected of you.

A good friend would be grateful for the odd lift to shops if you are going anyway at that time, and check in with you how quick she needs to be whilst there.

Unless she is suddenly desperately ill and has no smart phone or WiFi then there's no need for you to be her weekly shipping escort and personal taxi service.

Heck she could even go round Iceland's at lunchtime without going online, pay for it at the till and if over £40 shopping, they'll set it aside/keep it frozen and deliver it for free later that evening for her. So she doesn't even have to carry it home on the bus. Iceland's do more than just frozen foods!

user1471590586 · 25/06/2019 14:49

This makes me think of the other recent thread about non drivers. The non drivers all said they used public transport and were not CFs by asking or relying on lifts. They all made sure they lived within easy reach of shops. And then we have your thread about a non driver being an example of someone trying to take advantage of you driving. Maybe direct them to the other thread so they can see how others cope without a car.

user1471590586 · 25/06/2019 14:52

Here we go. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3615511-To-think-that-people-are-weird-about-non-drivers

Deadposhtory · 25/06/2019 15:11

No way!!!

PuppyMonkey · 25/06/2019 15:19

I would hate this - especially having to wait around for her because she likes to take her time. Also, surely fitting two families' worth of shopping in the boot is a struggle?

tenlittlecygnets · 25/06/2019 15:20

Two words: online shopping.

YANBU. She is being cheeky. Who takes 1.5 hours to go round a supermarket??

GileadWivesAreFashionIcons · 25/06/2019 21:46

Nope. And I say that as a non-driver! I hate being tied into things and I also think if you’ve made a lifestyle choice (not to drive in this case) then you plan around it.

EllenAshSky1 · 25/06/2019 22:13

No.

I have a friend that lives on the same road as me... 2 min drive apart.

She doesn't drive and she has 3 kids and does a huge shop.
I've taken her when I am also needing to do a shop but even then dropping her home with all her shopping that fills my car and taking longer in the shop for her to.finish isn't great lol.

I don't mind helping out but (and it may sound selfish but I'm okay with that lol) I will offer when I feel up to it and I'm needing to do a shop myself. It's not a quick in and out , no hassle activity! Lol

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