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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think google maps IS right and dp has cheated on me

128 replies

seche0911 · 24/06/2019 17:46

Hi all, so a bit of a backstory here, dp and I have been together for 2 years and were very happy until last months incident which has left our relationship on its last legs.

Dp and I have been dealing with a lot of stress recently (a family member of mine was murdered early this year and it left me in depression and not the nicest person to be around, including recent financial struggle). Dp has been very supportive but recently it became more of a “when are you going to stop moping around” and I could tell he was getting fed up and feeling like I should pull myself together (if only it were that easy Hmm )

We had a big argument 3 weeks ago and I decided he should stay at a friends as it is not the right environment for the dc. Later that night, before bed I attempted to phone him to apologise for being so hard to be around lately and to say goodnight, he didn’t answer the phone or call back which he has never done before, I messaged him and it went unread until the next day. I put this down to him needing some time out and he answered my call the next morning. I asked him where he had stayed and he told me with his cousin and would be back to talk to me that evening.

Dp returned later that afternoon and seemed extremely shifty but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Before bed he switched his phone off and left it downstairs in his work bag which he has never done before. I know it is very wrong of me to not trust what he says and I’m embarrassed to say I snooped on his laptop when he went to work. Google maps shows him spending the night at his ex girlfriends house! I confronted him and he went as far as to say I had hacked his google and parked outside her house overnight to frame him Shock. Of course this has now left me thinking, if you are going to the extreme of accusing me of framing you then you are definitely hiding something!

Dp then changed the story to, well google maps is obviously wrong, I wasn’t there. Google maps has been 110% accurate for the last 2 years he has had it, it has not shown him at a place he hasn’t actually been at ever, so is this just some crazy coincidence that google maps messes up for the first time ever and places him at his ex’s house the night of our argument or is my dp not only a liar but a cheat too Sad

I want to believe him and cannot leave him until I know what he has done, he will not admit it, I cannot stand him near me at the moment, our love life has been none existent for the last 3 weeks. Can anyone offer any advice? Is it accurate?
I also asked if he could show me an itemised bill as of course he would have probably text/called her first before showing up and he refuses.

OP posts:
Tallgreenbottle · 29/06/2019 19:06

He's cheated and you sound a bit unhinged. Checking where he goes on google maps Confused you know that's not normal and is controlling and abusive right?

Best you break up. For both your sakes.

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 29/06/2019 19:21

My Google maps isnt always accurate.

But I would bet my last £50 that he was here.

And I am sorry OP, but I am betting g he didnt just bump into her when you were first together.

I think he has probably going between the 2 of you on and off

amiapropermum · 29/06/2019 19:25

My Google maps sometimes puts me at odd rural locations a little bit away but I'm in the middle of nowhere. And it puts me in the middle of country roads, never a specific address or house and certainly never one of someone I actually know. I'm sorry, OP. Too many coincidences there

seche0911 · 29/06/2019 19:27

@tallgreenbottle I totally agree with you that it is wrong to snoop on someone’s google maps but as I said, dp acted very strange that night, I do not regularly check his location it was one time and I’m glad I did else I’d have never known. I spent over an hour on there looking through different days to determine the accuracy of the timeline and it’s all bang on. I have no regrets, and if that makes me abusive or unhinged then so be it!

Update - I started using google maps myself so I could see how accurate it is and it has not made a mistake with my timeline. Dp is still adamant that he hasn’t done it, I know he has. I am going to use his mobile phone and text his ex saying, “she knows about that night, what should I do”
I have made my mind up, I definitely don’t want to be with him, he has cheated and continues to lie. That’s not someone I will trust again or want to spend my life with. Maybe it’s a guilty conscience or he’s trying to deflect it from himself but he has started accusing me of being a cheat which I most certainly am not. Maybe I’m stupid still trying to get answers but I know it will drive me crazy unless I get conformation.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 29/06/2019 19:39

If he genuinely hadn't cheated then he would be trying to prove to you that he hadn't called her, would be sorry you're doubting him and would generally being nicer to you.

He's been cruel over your loss, he's ignoring your calls, he's treating you like an idiot. He went to the cafe on purpose so he'd have an "alibi."

lilpumpsmum · 29/06/2019 19:57

Op read this section again

  • I am going to use his mobile phone and text his ex saying, “she knows about that night, what should I do”

I have made my mind up, I definitely don’t want to be with him, he has cheated and continues to lie. That’s not someone I will trust again or want to spend my life with.

Especially the i definitely don't want to be with him bit. And just leave.
Don't text the ex from his phone TRUST me. You will regret that. She will know eventually it was you. It's embarrassing. If you truly don't want to be with him - just go

ConcreteUnderpants · 29/06/2019 20:36

Maybe I’m stupid still trying to get answers but I know it will drive me crazy unless I get conformation.

Yup. Just leave. If he ever does come clean, he will only ever admit to what he thinks you know.
You'll ever know the full truth and it will be painful and torturing trying to find out.
Just leave and move on.
Good luck

Millie2018 · 29/06/2019 21:09

I’ve got my crystal ball out. When you say you are going to separate, he’ll admit to going to the ex’s house but deny sleeping with her.
If the ex says they did sleep together then he’ll accuse her of lying. He’s going to create an element of doubt the whole time. You’ll never get the truth from him. I guess you just need to decide where the line is. Sorry OP. My instinct says he’s a cheat.

LolaSmiles · 29/06/2019 21:16

Google location can be out. My Google search page regularly identifies my location as a city 90 mins away from me, but Instagram and Strava manage just fine and so does my Google maps.

Despite that, in this situation it seems a bit coincidental that he was shown at his ex girlfriends house after an argument.

Whatever you decide to do, take the high ground and behave with dignity. There's no point trying to trick his ex into confessing etc. If you want to leave, leave.

Whisky2014 · 29/06/2019 21:20

I wouldn't bother messaging her. You know and we know he is a lying cheat

NCforthis2019 · 29/06/2019 21:20

You’re going to text his ex?! What the hell for?! You don’t want to be with him - just dump him.

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 29/06/2019 21:22

Dont text her.

You know the truth. You are going to start looking unhinged. Eventually you will feel embarrassed.

SparklyMagpie · 29/06/2019 21:29

I don't think theres any point in messaging the ex. You're dragging this out longer than it needs to be

Lemonlady22 · 29/06/2019 21:34

are the children his?

IkeaIsForWinners · 29/06/2019 22:15

Oh wow! Really sorry he is such a shit . You deserve better Thanks

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 29/06/2019 22:20

Forget fecking about texting the ex... you know what’s happened here OP.

lhastingsmua · 29/06/2019 22:34

Even if you did text her, she might clock that it’s you - eg if you type differently to him and she notices or if they have already discussed this between themselves, so your message may contradict or seem out of context to their actual conversation

C0untDucku1a · 29/06/2019 22:35

Just leave op.

PonderingPanda · 29/06/2019 22:51

I caught my now XH at the OW house with Life360.

Flowers
TanMateix · 29/06/2019 23:00

This guy takes gas lighting to a new level, he is trying to convince you fabricated this? I would leave him for that alone, you cannot safely have someone around that messes your mind to that level even if he is not cheating.

nicecuppaforme · 29/06/2019 23:15

So naive but how do you check google maps to see where your phone has been? Shock

ElizaPancakes · 29/06/2019 23:29

I just had a look at my google maps as I didn't know you could do this either - it managed to track me quite accurately into the middle of a park where the signal tends to be bad.

I'm so sorry but I think you know the answer Flowers

ElizaPancakes · 29/06/2019 23:30

@nicecuppaforme tap on the three horizontal lines in the search bar then ‘my timeline’.

To think google maps IS right and dp has cheated on me
Redcrayons · 29/06/2019 23:38

I am going to use his mobile phone and text his ex saying, “she knows about that night, what should I do

Don't do this. You know what he did. He knows what he did. Him or her telling you won't make any difference. Just walk away now.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 30/06/2019 00:27

I think there are questions that need to be answered but admitting he has cheated might not be the most pressing one.

This relationship has been unhappy for a while.
You are in an understandably very dark place and it takes an incredible toll on the best of partners as well.

Have both of you had trauma counselling?

If he has absolutely no idea how to help you, I can see how you are both in despair in different ways. Not that that excuses cheating.

For the sake of the argument, let's say he hasn't cheated, it wouldn't actually improve your relationship.

Do you both still want to be with each other?
Would you be willing to go to trauma counselling together?
Are you both willing to find a way through the Grieve/depression/cheating or has this escalated too far?

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