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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think google maps IS right and dp has cheated on me

128 replies

seche0911 · 24/06/2019 17:46

Hi all, so a bit of a backstory here, dp and I have been together for 2 years and were very happy until last months incident which has left our relationship on its last legs.

Dp and I have been dealing with a lot of stress recently (a family member of mine was murdered early this year and it left me in depression and not the nicest person to be around, including recent financial struggle). Dp has been very supportive but recently it became more of a “when are you going to stop moping around” and I could tell he was getting fed up and feeling like I should pull myself together (if only it were that easy Hmm )

We had a big argument 3 weeks ago and I decided he should stay at a friends as it is not the right environment for the dc. Later that night, before bed I attempted to phone him to apologise for being so hard to be around lately and to say goodnight, he didn’t answer the phone or call back which he has never done before, I messaged him and it went unread until the next day. I put this down to him needing some time out and he answered my call the next morning. I asked him where he had stayed and he told me with his cousin and would be back to talk to me that evening.

Dp returned later that afternoon and seemed extremely shifty but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Before bed he switched his phone off and left it downstairs in his work bag which he has never done before. I know it is very wrong of me to not trust what he says and I’m embarrassed to say I snooped on his laptop when he went to work. Google maps shows him spending the night at his ex girlfriends house! I confronted him and he went as far as to say I had hacked his google and parked outside her house overnight to frame him Shock. Of course this has now left me thinking, if you are going to the extreme of accusing me of framing you then you are definitely hiding something!

Dp then changed the story to, well google maps is obviously wrong, I wasn’t there. Google maps has been 110% accurate for the last 2 years he has had it, it has not shown him at a place he hasn’t actually been at ever, so is this just some crazy coincidence that google maps messes up for the first time ever and places him at his ex’s house the night of our argument or is my dp not only a liar but a cheat too Sad

I want to believe him and cannot leave him until I know what he has done, he will not admit it, I cannot stand him near me at the moment, our love life has been none existent for the last 3 weeks. Can anyone offer any advice? Is it accurate?
I also asked if he could show me an itemised bill as of course he would have probably text/called her first before showing up and he refuses.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 25/06/2019 00:02

Am I the only one who had absolutely no idea that you can see where you/someone else has been by looking at google maps??

I was mystified by this too. According to this you have to have tracking turned on and chose to share location data:

www.google.com/maps/timeline

I have my location history turned off, so this shows nothing for me on Google Maps.

OP, did he have g. maps showing directions to his old gf's house or did you see his location timeline?

Skittlesandbeer · 25/06/2019 00:13

You don’t actually have to speak to her (although I’d try), just wait until you’re face to face with him and tell him she came clean, told you everything. You have to be ballsy and convincing (and don’t let him leave to check with her).

And def check his phone records, although he’s had time to mess with them.

I understand the need for confirmation, although honestly I’d kick him out with just the evidence you have. 2 years is just a blip, don’t underestimate how quickly it can become 10 years, 2 kids and a ruined life with a serial cheater. Cut yourself free now, and find an actual man.

Jux · 25/06/2019 00:38

So why would you try to save a relationship where your trust has gone? Pointless.

Closetbeanmuncher · 25/06/2019 00:55

You do know.

But because you want to believe him, you're going to make a weird little loophole, as above, that will allow you to stay

This!!

The excuse he made is just insulting really. He's taking you for a complete mug

LoveYourHome9 · 25/06/2019 01:00

I am so sorry OP. As others have said, I think you know the truth here.

Out of interest, how do I use google maps like this? I don’t need to track anyone, I’m just purely interested/didn’t know you could do that.

OpinionatedCyborg · 25/06/2019 01:51

I'm not sure how other poster's are stating that Google maps is never wrong - it certainly can be.

There have been many cases with friends and family where it's stating we are at a place we have visited before but were not at the time.

It is totally plausible that it's an error. Possibly if he drove by to get to his cousin the ping could have remained there as a previous known location.

Honestly, I would not put everything on the line over this. It is not concrete evidence.

Approach this more calmly and rationally. Ask him where he went and ask him if you would mind asking his cousin in front of him if he was there. Furthermore, ask him did he at all visit the ex or go through the area. If you shout and just accuse you won't get anywhere, have a calm discussion.

Things have been extremely difficult for you I understand, and he has been supportive of you too. Sometimes, when we are fighting our own demons and battles, those around us suffer with us too. It is difficult to be around someone that is suffering so much as you feel hopeless and helpless.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but you do need to start living for yourself again. Your life is worth so much more, do not let your depression take over you. Seek therapy, take the help and work on a happier healthier you.

Good luck OP. I hope things work out for the best for you.

managedmis · 25/06/2019 02:08

These men!

They honestly think we were born yesterday Shock

MrMeSeeks · 25/06/2019 02:20

I think he’s lying by his reaction, sorry
Googlemaps are certainly not always right, mine constantly has me at a diff location ( I've just checked mine now, completely wrong)

Surfingtheweb · 25/06/2019 03:13

He's probably been messaging her while you've been feeling down & he's been the knight in shining armour for you (how he probably sees it) & getting his ego stroked by her & then goes round there. Arsehole

Ariela · 25/06/2019 07:39

Google Maps isn't always right - it can loose the phone signal and leave the phone at a random location till it picks it up again, but to loose it at the ex's, unless it is the major route in and out of his cousin's place - nope, he's a cheat and a liar.

seche0911 · 25/06/2019 09:55

I wish it was a mistake but it shows him leaving my house, going to his friends house then leaving there hours later and 12 minutes after leaving his friends it shows him arriving at his ex’s address Sad he arrived at 1:30 am and it shows he left the next morning at 9:30am which was a few minutes after I called him, it then tracks his journey back to my house.

It’s all so messed up, I can’t stand to be around him and he knows it. I don’t think I’m going to get a confession, I looked through his call log and it’s not showing he called his ex but he could’ve deleted them which is why I’ve offered him to show me his itemised phone bill...he won’t, he says he has nothing to prove.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 25/06/2019 09:58

@seche0911 can you explain how you see this on his g maps? When I open it on my iPhone all it shows is a map with my current location at the center.

AdaShelby · 25/06/2019 10:10

Oh what a wanker. I'm sorry op but you know where he was, and have to decide what to do.

GabsAlot · 25/06/2019 10:11

I think you have your answer then op if he had nothing to hide he would show you

Scorpiovenus · 25/06/2019 10:14

Oh that's horrible :(

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 25/06/2019 10:35

ANother one who will say go canny when believing GoogleMaps, mine often checks me into the B&B at the front, and believes I live nextdoor but one
Also have been out to lunch with a friend, google tracked me on the train, walking through town and into the hotel, round town after and train home. It ALSO flagged up a lovely round trip walk of thirteen miles at the same time!
When I drive into our local tesco it will often locate me as having driven several miles up the coast at the next village

So no, it's not infallible or always correct

Having said that I would not spend one more second with this lying whatsit! Google evidence or not!

Nofilter101 · 25/06/2019 10:37

In the op you said you spoke on the phone and he said he'd be back later and came back mid afternoon. But now you've just said it shows him leaving at 9.30 a few mins after your call and tracks his journey back to yours. I'm sorry but please can you clarify which it is?

seche0911 · 25/06/2019 10:53

@Nofilter101 sorry, my last post may have confused a few people. He left the ex’s at 9:30am after I spoke to him on the phone, he didn’t come back home immediately, the map shows he spent an hour at a cafe 5 miles from the ex’s where he told me he went for a coffee, it then tracks him back to the friends house he was at the previous evening and it shows from there he went to a pub, after a few hours it shows him on his journey back home and the time shown on google maps is the actual time he arrived home.

OP posts:
Nofilter101 · 25/06/2019 11:04

Well that makes sense. It really sounds like he has cheated. You have so much proof. Ltb. 💐💐💐

Mousetolioness · 25/06/2019 13:04

He is wrong. He has everything to prove, doesn't he. He knows showing the phone record will confirm your suspicions. He may be a lying, conniving cheat but he's not intelligent.

And while some posters say Google can get it wrong - it's not the whole picture. You sensed something was up and his subsequent reaction added to the overall picture.

littleyellowwellies · 25/06/2019 18:10

I looked through his call log and it’s not showing he called his ex but he could’ve deleted them which is why I’ve offered him to show me his itemised phone bill...he won’t, he says he has nothing to prove

He DOES have something to prove, he could prove he didn't call her.... but he won't... because he did.

littleyellowwellies · 25/06/2019 18:10

That was meant to be in bold

BlueSkiesLies · 25/06/2019 18:47

It doesn't matter if he has ot hasn't chated on you.

The fact you think he might have, means the relationship is over. Why stay with someone you don't trust?

If oyu stay together - you'll hate him for ever for thinking he has cheated, he'll hate you for ever for not trusting him. loose loose.

Emmas1985 · 29/06/2019 18:18

Has there been any progress? Have you confronted him again... or her?? Hope you are ok!x

BlueSuffragette · 29/06/2019 18:40

Big girl pants time. He's cheated on you. Time to make some tough choices.