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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think google maps IS right and dp has cheated on me

128 replies

seche0911 · 24/06/2019 17:46

Hi all, so a bit of a backstory here, dp and I have been together for 2 years and were very happy until last months incident which has left our relationship on its last legs.

Dp and I have been dealing with a lot of stress recently (a family member of mine was murdered early this year and it left me in depression and not the nicest person to be around, including recent financial struggle). Dp has been very supportive but recently it became more of a “when are you going to stop moping around” and I could tell he was getting fed up and feeling like I should pull myself together (if only it were that easy Hmm )

We had a big argument 3 weeks ago and I decided he should stay at a friends as it is not the right environment for the dc. Later that night, before bed I attempted to phone him to apologise for being so hard to be around lately and to say goodnight, he didn’t answer the phone or call back which he has never done before, I messaged him and it went unread until the next day. I put this down to him needing some time out and he answered my call the next morning. I asked him where he had stayed and he told me with his cousin and would be back to talk to me that evening.

Dp returned later that afternoon and seemed extremely shifty but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Before bed he switched his phone off and left it downstairs in his work bag which he has never done before. I know it is very wrong of me to not trust what he says and I’m embarrassed to say I snooped on his laptop when he went to work. Google maps shows him spending the night at his ex girlfriends house! I confronted him and he went as far as to say I had hacked his google and parked outside her house overnight to frame him Shock. Of course this has now left me thinking, if you are going to the extreme of accusing me of framing you then you are definitely hiding something!

Dp then changed the story to, well google maps is obviously wrong, I wasn’t there. Google maps has been 110% accurate for the last 2 years he has had it, it has not shown him at a place he hasn’t actually been at ever, so is this just some crazy coincidence that google maps messes up for the first time ever and places him at his ex’s house the night of our argument or is my dp not only a liar but a cheat too Sad

I want to believe him and cannot leave him until I know what he has done, he will not admit it, I cannot stand him near me at the moment, our love life has been none existent for the last 3 weeks. Can anyone offer any advice? Is it accurate?
I also asked if he could show me an itemised bill as of course he would have probably text/called her first before showing up and he refuses.

OP posts:
Potplant · 24/06/2019 18:12

If google maps showed you to be somewhere you had not been what would you say?

Mmm that's weird I haven't been there, how did that happen?
Or
Oh you obviously don't trust me so you've parked outside that house overnight just to frame me.

Which is normal?

ThatCurlyGirl · 24/06/2019 18:12

@Ohbehave1

I am still really close friends with my ex. In fact they are invited to my wedding. My partner trusts me 110% and I would never do anything to break that trust. I certainly would never sleep with them again.

I think that's really nice and a super healthy situation. But presumably you wouldn't lie, that's the issue here - he's telling OP something they both know isn't true.

Veryveryouting · 24/06/2019 18:15

I'd want to text his cousin from his phone saying something like "nice catching up last night". When the cousin replies " eh? Sorry cus, you must have text me accidentally" then there's your proof right there.

Nevertheless, I'm inclined to believe Google maps. Sorry OP and sorry for your loss Flowers

IvanaPee · 24/06/2019 18:15

Listen, you know he was at his ex girlfriend’s house.

You already have the proof. You can choose to bury your head but you know his excuse is ridiculous.

He’s 100% wrong. But to be honest, your relationship sounds like it’s been awful for a while so not sure what you want to hang on to.

It’s not easy living with someone with depression. I wouldn’t blame him for feeling like he couldn’t do it anymore. That’s his prerogative.

But he should have just left.

Bunnica15 · 24/06/2019 18:17

Could you not contact her and tell her he’s told you everything? Call her bluff? Risky game I know..

seche0911 · 24/06/2019 18:18

Gosh, I have just reread my post and I sound so naive Sad you’re all right. The proof is there, I think it’s the fact he’s making me feel like I’m crazy and I just want him to admit what I already know.

Unfortunately I can’t approach the ex about this, when we first started dating (a few months in but not serious) my sisters best friend saw him with her at a pub, I didn’t accuse him as they could have just been friends as some ex’s are, he came and admitted it, said he bumped into her which is fine, the only problem is she messaged me on fb after and denied she was even in the area, dp told her she had been seen by sisters friend and that he had told me himself so she needn't lie as he was doing no wrong, weeks down the line she apologised to me for lying about being with him, I feel I’d get the same again if I asked her.

I know what I need to do, there’s just this little voice in the back of my head saying but what if it is wrong.

OP posts:
Ilovemylabrador · 24/06/2019 18:21

So he has cheated at the at least once just a final text (assuming you aren’t living together or married) I have already changed the locks your stuff if outside I’m not a mug -

Ilovemylabrador · 24/06/2019 18:22

Just move on and get yourself some proper support and counselling and don’t let the cheater back in

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/06/2019 18:24

Google Maps is accurate to a fault. His phone was at his exes.

Mine has 10 years of history or so. It doesn't have any random addresses I didn't go to. Especially not exes!

fourquenelles · 24/06/2019 18:27

Time to tell that little voice in the back of your head to take a hike. He has been caught bang to rights. Get rid. You don't need this on top of everything else you are dealing with Flowers

codemonkey · 24/06/2019 18:29

His being there doesn't mean he slept with her. Just saying.

hookiwooki · 24/06/2019 18:29

Jfc OP Angry

Leave. If he's gaslighting and cheating only 2 years in then run like fuck.

You know he's a dick.

Sorry for your (tragic and needless) loss. Some counselling might be a good idea to help you process if you haven't already fraught it Flowers

hookiwooki · 24/06/2019 18:30

*saught (stupid autocorrect)

Smelborp · 24/06/2019 18:31

How do you access the google maps history? Sounds sinister on its own.

Accusing you of hacking his google was a really weird response.

Justaboy · 24/06/2019 18:33

Unless you have the date wrong and are going on old outdated past times info then it's as acurte as well a few meters at worst, its actually GPS laid over google.

Sounds really like he hasnt finished with the ex and he ought to have done.

Suggest get rid!..

TooTrueToBeGood · 24/06/2019 18:34

If it showed him being somewhere totally implausible like on the slopes of Kilimanjaro you could possibly put it down to some bizarre technical glitch. Showing him being at a known contact's address means he was there. Stop letting him gaslight you with such ridiculous nonsense like you hacking his account to frame him. He must think you're stupid and if you fall for it I'm afraid he would be correct.

Smellbowpenisbeaker · 24/06/2019 18:35

It’s so doubly insulting that people try to gaslight their way out of this kind of crap. He might as well just tell you he thinks you’re completely stupid.

Miniloso · 24/06/2019 18:35

He’s gaslighting you. You have my first LTB.

OldUnit · 24/06/2019 18:38

I'd be out of there.

The relationship is broken now anyway, it's all over bar the shouting. You might as well pull the plug.

Karmin · 24/06/2019 18:39

@Smelborp

On my phone you go:

Launch Google Maps.
Tap the more button (three horizontal lines) on the top left corner.
Tap your timeline.
Tap the calendar icon to view a particular day.
Swipe left or right to switch months.
Tap a date to view your location history.

EvaHarknessRose · 24/06/2019 18:43

Look, Google maps once had dh flying in a straight line to the south of france when he was sitting next to me at a concert in the Uk, but come on, his ex girlfriends house, that would be one hell of a coincidence that it wrongly pinged off that particular gps point.

Cherrysoup · 24/06/2019 18:43

Google maps doesn't lie!

RubberTreePlant · 24/06/2019 18:44

That is one of the shittest attempts at lying i've ever heard.

He's treating you like a complete idiot. Don't let him x

lifebegins50 · 24/06/2019 18:45

OP what is the back story with his ex?

2 years is just when someone starts to show their true colours so whilst you are blaming the relationship issues on yourself it is more likely to be just who he is.

If he has been great it's very difficult to reconcile what you thought you knew about him to who he actually is. The term is cognitive dissonance.
I think his reaction says it all but he doesn't respect you enough to be honest so I doubt you will get the truth.
Be strong, have firm boundaries and demand to be treated better. I sense you will blame yourself and just tolerate his behaviour.

ohfourfoxache · 24/06/2019 18:45

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck......

You know the truth, I’m so sorry x

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