AIBU and weird? Secondary embarrassment.

[TheFastandCurious]

I get so embarrassed / uncomfortable at things that have nothing to do with me that I can’t deal with it.

Example; those practical joke shows where people are making fools of themselves for a laugh.

Most people cringe for others but also find it funny. I have to turn the tv off because I feel so embarrassed even though I’m not there and it’s got absolutely nothing to do with me!

My DH thinks I’m so weird. Am I alone or does the cringing for others get too much for anyone else?

A friend of mine gets it when she sees Marching bands, they don't bother me, but the cinema thing, nooooooooooooo, there's no one to clap at, it's a screen

I find such things embarrassing too and avoid them like the plague.

The other thing that makes me want to crawl out of myself is the OTT earnestness, the long story about how their dog dying when they were nine inspired them to want to sing etc

Yes this with bells on. Actually going red reading that just thinking about watching it.

DS gets this he has to leave the room now during anything he think might be possible cringey coming up but he has asd

i cried for a week and still go red thinking about it now - aaaw, bless you!

This is one of the most cringey things to ever happen to me: my daughter ended up in hospital when she was little with a bad cut in her mouth (blood everywhere) it happened quite early in the morning and i’d had little sleep, was still in my pj’s and looked an absolute mess. We were taken to hospital in an ambulance and i went down to theatre with her after waiting hours as it needed stitching. I started crying and getting upset when they’d put her to sleep - the anaesthetist said “do you want a little hug?” and I, in my confused and knackered state went and hugged him - he meant hug my daughter!!! The whole medic team burst into hysterics and il never forget the horrified look on the poor guys face! The nurse who led me back to the ward couldn’t stop laughing and I felt like dying of embarrassment!
So THAT was majorly cringe! Im sure il think of more...

I have real difficulty watching people being too weak to assert themselves, so they get roped into doing things well beyond the call of duty, which often happens in comedies. I don't find this funny at all, partly because I used to be like that.

I couldn't watch Keeping Up Appearances for this reason: everyone was too afraid to say no to Hyacinth Bucket. Also there was a moment in The Archers some years ago that drove me mad: Tom was too weak to stop Helen drink driving, then when she ran someone over, he told the police that he was the driver; and decided to stand by this because it was a much greater penalty for perverting the course of justice.

I cant stand "humour" that is meant to humiliate someone innocent unknowing & vulnerable - its just cruel & bullying -

Aaaah.... that's my DS! Finally I get it! He's nearly 9 but can't watch e.g. Bing (he has a younger sibling) without running away to hide, hands over ears, shouting 'na-na-na-na' to avoid hearing anything...

Secondary embarrassment describes it perfectly. Thanks for giving me a concept to understand my child!

Anyone got any ideas how to deal with this?

Gosh I'm the opposite! Not embarrassed by anything

Oh chuckyegg that’s actually quite sweet but i know if that had happened to me I’d be embarrassed years later.

On a lesser scale, that’s like answering someone when they are speaking to someone else or you didn’t hear the question properly and give a really odd, random answer instead because you thought they asked something else.

I can’t bear thinking about it.

The German word is Fremdschämen, feeling embarrassed on someone else's behalf.

I can watch Graham Norton, but I couldn't watch Angela Merkel shaking on the news, just too horrible. I guess it's more physical pain for me. Also hate those "funny" video shows where toddlers cycle into lamp posts. How are they at all funny??

OMG chuckyegg I can imagine myself doing exactly the same thing. I would have totally assumed he meant a hug from him!

Yes like others I cannot bear people doing badly in talent shows etc. or people being prank-called or anything like that. I think it's because I would die of embarrassment if it was me and I just can't cope with seeing someone have to endure it.

The Greatest Dancer is one of the worst, though I do watch it with DD, I have to hide behind a cushion when they are dancing away and the mirror doesn't open and they just have to kind of skulk off. I just want to die of embarrassment for them. But then it can also be horribly embarrassing when it does open! I'm emotionally drained after watching it :o

I can't watch people greet each other, how many kisses, will someone go for too may, will they bump noses. Also any kind of haggling or negotiation which makes the Apprentice hard to watch!

I see it’s related to people who ‘over empathise’ I am definitely the same. I have a question for those of you who have said they over empathise.

Are you also over sensitive and go over conversations that may not have gone well in your head in lots of detail? Sort of, beating yourself up mentally?

Me too - I thought it was only me, or my age and being brought up with more dignity than many people on those kind of shows have, glad to know (although it might be the above) I'm not the only one...

I am exactly the same. It's so good not to feel like the only one!

Oh yes, haggling! I would rather eat my own arm than haggle or watch someone else do it. Cringe cringe,

I'm probably not quite as bad as you OP, but I do understand it.
When I was a kid we used to watch Laurel and Hardy on the TV: these days I can't as I just find them totally cringe-making.
And I know what you mean about Hyacinth Bucket......

I think not wanting to laugh at, or watch "entertainment" consisting of other people being put or putting themselves in uncomfortable situations does not make you weird - it makes you a thoughtful person with more empathy than is common these days.

i cringe when people clap along to music or someone singing, it starts out full on then gradually drifts off to the last few clappers long before the music ends. i just don't want to be in that environment, so urgh !

Oooh me me me! I’m like this. I struggle to watch things like The Office or The Inbetweeners. I am also very sensitive and over analyse things/worry a lot.

I’m so glad I’ve found this thread! I often end up hiding behind a cushion or sticking my fingers in my ears because I can’t watch something cringy on TV.

My DH is a tiny bit the same and my DM said I did it from a very young age.

We were at a friends house recently and her DD started singing a song at the table while waiting for dinner. Very cute and we all gave her a little round of applause. Then I looked at my preschool DS and he was cringing! Had his eyes shut and was looking the other way! I swear it’s nature as I do my utmost to avoid doing it in front of him.

Me too I actually had to watch Bridget Jones behind a pillow I couldn't watch any of the sequels!

When people talk about singing together in the car I cringe so hard. I cannot bear people singing out of context. Oddly enough I love musicals and I can take people singing at concerts, but just random singing or singing round the piano, no, no, no. I think I'd have to get out of the car even it was going at 70mph on the motorway if people started singing.

"Are you also over sensitive and go over conversations that may not have gone well in your head in lots of detail? Sort of, beating yourself up mentally?"

Yes, very much so.

i cringe when people clap along to music or someone singing, it starts out full on then gradually drifts off to the last few clappers long before the music ends

Oh wow these examples just keep coming and they are so good to read because I thought they were such random, odd things nobody else ‘get’. This is yet another one of my ‘triggers’. The clapping to music or singing that ‘drifts off’ leaving a couple of ‘stragglers’ with their out of time claps.

I want to hide under a cushion just thinking about that. I hate it too.