Child’s dad is naming new baby a name we had picked out together. Am I being petty?

[Mumofone1988]

Mamas, how would you feel if your child’s dad (who cheated on you when your baby was 6months old) was now having a baby with that same woman and is planning on naming that baby one of the 3 names you had picked out together to name your child? Need some perspective on this because it’s happening and it’s BOTHERING ME 💆🏼‍♀️ he clearly recycles baby names as well as women 🤔 I know if I was her I’d be bothered too but I’m not sure if she knows the background to this particular name.. Am I being petty?

P.s. my son is now two and and his dad barely bothers with him he hasn’t been involved at all so I feel like it’s just another dig toward me.. like cheating on me and neglecting his responsibilities as a father for 2 years wasn’t enough 🤡

Sorry for long rant I don’t usually post things like this just wondered if anyone has had similar experiences and could offer some advice x

Tbh because you both disregarded the name 2 years ago and chose another, it probably hasn't entered his head.

Also, I can't think why the woman would be bothered about a disregarded name either.

I get why it might make you feel a bit odd though.

I can understand why it’s upsetting but it’s one of these things that getting upset about will make precisely zero difference to him, it just means you’re upset.

Just let it go, accept this is just another sign of what an awful dick he is and how lucky you are not to have to deal with his shit anymore. You’ve had a lucky escape, just roll your eyes and move on.

You didn’t you use it, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are being petty. He likes the name obviously? So he wants to use it.

I'm 99% certain he won't remember your name shortlist, in all honesty. He probably likes it because it sounds familiar, but I doubt it would've even crossed his mind that you'd both shortlisted it.

You also say it's 1 of 3, so it wasn't even your favourite.

I think it's safe to say he's moved on and it's not a dig at you.

I understand why it's upsetting, but if it was on his mind as a baby name two years ago, it's not surprising that it resurfaced again.

If he's a typical male I'd say he wouldn't remember.

Its a name. No big deal.

It's weird. I didn't even consider names for ds2 that I'd thought about for ds1. But he's a piece of shit as a husband and a father so best thing is to just live your life as if he does not exist. Although you should definitely follow up on getting child support if you haven't already.

It couldn’t be that significant to you as you discarded it as one of your choices and babes your child something else. He obviously liked the name enough then, what makes you think his preferences would have changed?

I don’t understand why you are even bothered about his new girlfriend and their child. Move on.

Shake your head and raise your eyebrows at someone with so little imagination, style or empathy. Then give yourself a little hug because he isn't your problem anymore, he is your ex.

Concentrate on raising your son to be a better human being than his father.

And stop following him on Facebook, or whatever it is you are doing to know what he is up to.

In similar circumstances, XH gave the baby he had with the OW DS1's "girl name" as a middle name. It makes me snigger to myself that she probably has no idea I was part of choosing of that name.

I was in the same position but can't say it bothered me. It's a name he liked. Obviously I can see why you would take this one thing personally but it isn't personal.

I see why it bothers you and I would be annoyed too. But, you need to find a way of coming to terms with it as there is no way to stop it happening. Talk to friends or think about finding a counsellor you can hash it all out with.

I don’t understand why you are even bothered about his new girlfriend and their child. Move on
Wow, your empathy is amazing! Easy to say, but it's not always easy to do, is it?

Do I understand this correctly?:
You chose 3 names to possibly call your DC. You used one and disregarded the others and now are upset that your ex is using one of those disregarded names?

YABVU. I doubt your ex has even thought about it other than being a name he really likes. It isn't to do with you. I think you are reading something into it which isn't there.

You're not being petty.
Being petty would be mentioning this to his new girlfriend.

I'm petty so I'd probably mention it, mainly because you said he isn't interested in the child he already has.
Its probably best to suck it up and move on though really.

Well if it was in your top 3 then he must have liked it. It’s rubbish - but try not to let it bother you. He’s an arsehole - you’re better off without him.

Is it a particularly unusual name?

Not the same but my dad left mum and I when I was a baby. Went on to marry and have a new dd. One day I referred to my half-sister using her family nickname 'Wombat'. My mum said, 'oh, that's what he always called you.'

If he used the name that you actually called your child he's being unreasonable - if thus was just a name he liked 3 years ago, you also liked it it shouldn't be a surprise he still likes it

I'm guessing it was in the top 3 because it was a name he liked - and he still likes it?

I would just move on, forget him...who cares what name he names his child.

I think fannywork has it right, just regard it further evidence of his general dickheadery and consider yourself well rid.

He probably doesn't even remember you shortlisted this particular name. With DD1, we narrowed down to 2 names. Then 2 years later with dd2, dh suggested the one we didn't use. I said I didn't want to use the name we decided wasn't as nice as the one we finally chose for dd1, and he had no recollection that we were going to use it first time around. We literally had about 5000 conversations about the name, and even when she was born toyed with using it for a few days, and he still swore blind he didn't remember, said he thought we'd decided her name early on in the pregnancy...men don't remember stuff like this.

I would just let this issue go now, it's not worth fretting about despite all the upset you have had in times gone by.