Child’s dad is naming new baby a name we had picked out together. Am I being petty?

[Mumofone1988]

Mamas, how would you feel if your child’s dad (who cheated on you when your baby was 6months old) was now having a baby with that same woman and is planning on naming that baby one of the 3 names you had picked out together to name your child? Need some perspective on this because it’s happening and it’s BOTHERING ME 💆🏼‍♀️ he clearly recycles baby names as well as women 🤔 I know if I was her I’d be bothered too but I’m not sure if she knows the background to this particular name.. Am I being petty?

P.s. my son is now two and and his dad barely bothers with him he hasn’t been involved at all so I feel like it’s just another dig toward me.. like cheating on me and neglecting his responsibilities as a father for 2 years wasn’t enough 🤡

Sorry for long rant I don’t usually post things like this just wondered if anyone has had similar experiences and could offer some advice x

Doesn’t matter. He’ll probably be cheating on the ow and abandoning the child within a few months anyway. Men like that don’t change.

Bollocks to the typical male shite. Stop stereotyping and accommodating the actions of boorish gobshites!

I'm another who would just add that to his bingo card of Twattishness and remind myself of it if I ever waivered.

But I to would probably be petty and to let his OW know about the origins of the name he chose for their child... just to give her confidence a bit of a wobble too!

How do you even know what he’s planning on calling his DC?

I wouldn’t worry about his GF/OW FEELING Weird SHARING a potential BABY NAME, if she wasn’t worried about sharing his cock when he was still with you 🤷🏻‍♀️And he doesn’t even bother with your DC, I think she has bigger problems to worry about karma.

Just to put it our there, maybe his gf chose the name?

So you had eg Bill, Bob and Ben as names you liked when you were pregnant. You named your son Bill. Now your ex wants to call his son Bob. Is that it?

Yes, You’re being petty.

You don’t own a name, not even the one you chose for your child.

Stop checking up on him.

I'd feel the same as you op. I wouldn't want it to upset me, but I think it probably would. I'm sure in time the feeling will pass.

He's a twat for how he treated you.

However, getting annoyed or upset that he's considering calling a new baby a name he liked 3 years ago and wasn't used is a bit much to me. I think you have to let it go. It's not surprising that he has chosen a name that he's liked for years.

My ex husband did this. I said to them both when I was collecting DC, "Oh how lovely you decided to use the name we had planned for our next baby. Isn't it great that I still play such a part in your life?"

OW was fuming.

I would absolutely do what SupermassiveBlackHo- I don't care if thats petty.

It's not petty, it's just laughable.

If she played such a big part in his life, he wouldn't be having a baby with another woman

Not everyone attaches feelings/emotions to names and 1000s of people like the same names.

I think it’s weird. Was it a girl’s name and you had a boy?

An ex fiancé did similar. We picked out names for future children, one boy’s and one girl’s. Then he left me for someone else. They had a baby boy and used the name we had chosen. I doubt his girlfriend knew that it was a tribute name from a great neighbour of mine who had sadly died.

I’m presuming he liked the name when you were pregnant and still likes it now!

That isn’t in the slightest bit surprising, no.

YABU.

me and Ex-DH had a miscarriage. We didnt know at the time I was pregnant but afterwards we discussed what we would call a future baby (not the miscarriage) etc. We split up, I remarried and had 3DC. I have used 1 of those names. I chose it, I liked it, its MY child.

If she played such a big part in his life, he wouldn't be having a baby with another woman

What do you mean by that?

I meant exactly what I said SoupDragon.

It was in reply to SupermassiveBlackHo's post at 16:23:16

Yanbu to feel a bit weird about it I would never recycle names like that with my own dc. I know you don't own a name but it would feel strange.
Ywbu to mention it to her. However nothing stopping you from mentioning to someone else if it comes up in conversation in the hopes it gets back to her.

He wont remember it was even on your shortlist. Sorry OP.

Similar happened to my mum. She was with my dad. They picked out a name together but they split when she was pregnant with me as he cheated. She changed my name and then his future child had the name they picked. Awks 🤣

My mum was annoyed particularly because I had no contact with him either.

Your son doesn’t need him 😀

Mamas?

I played a pretty big part in his life seeing as I was married to him when he stuck his dick in someone else and knocked her up. Pretty weird to then use the baby name we had planned as we were ttc when he was fucking her.

Yes it was petty. No, I don't care. I hope its tainted the name for them.

I meant exactly what I said SoupDragon.

Right, just being nasty then with the insinuation that the women "left behind" were never a big part of their partners lives. As I thought.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to respond with constructive yet empathetic advice. I appreciate that you have managed to read further into my sensitivities around the issue with it based on the situation as a whole (it’s not just about the name on its own). This however is my first post on mumsnet and will most certainly be my last. It is clearly not being used as the support network it is meant for but instead as a playground for adult bullies to stick in their two pence worth.

Thank you again to the people that have demonstrated empathy towards me instead of trying to make me feel small in what is actually quite a tough situation all round.

I will never understand why people feel compelled to speak if their words could cause even the tiniest bit of harm to another human being 🤯

Thanks again for the nice supportive comments I’ve received - it’s a shame that the toxicity this site breeds lets it down.