Child’s dad is naming new baby a name we had picked out together. Am I being petty?

[Mumofone1988]

Mamas, how would you feel if your child’s dad (who cheated on you when your baby was 6months old) was now having a baby with that same woman and is planning on naming that baby one of the 3 names you had picked out together to name your child? Need some perspective on this because it’s happening and it’s BOTHERING ME 💆🏼‍♀️ he clearly recycles baby names as well as women 🤔 I know if I was her I’d be bothered too but I’m not sure if she knows the background to this particular name.. Am I being petty?

P.s. my son is now two and and his dad barely bothers with him he hasn’t been involved at all so I feel like it’s just another dig toward me.. like cheating on me and neglecting his responsibilities as a father for 2 years wasn’t enough 🤡

Sorry for long rant I don’t usually post things like this just wondered if anyone has had similar experiences and could offer some advice x

Right, just being nasty then with the insinuation that the women "left behind" were never a big part of their partners lives. As I thought.

She obviously was at one time but choosing a name both people had considered for a future baby, does not equate to an ex partner still being an important part of someone's life.

That's not nasty, it's factual.

Mumofone1989
I think because of the emotional nature of a break up it can be hard.
But equally, the consensus is however tough a break up is, a maybe name from years ago isn't off limits.

E.g. DH and I enjoy quiet weekends away. I have some of my favourite locations. One of them was a potential honeymoon destination. If DH and I ever split up then those locations are still somewhere I love and I would probably go there with a new partner (including potential honeymoon destinations). It's that I like those places, have done for years and so would continue liking them in the event of a split. One may well be a honeymoon for hypothetical husband number 2.

The new partner hasn't stolen a location, nor does it mean an ex husband meant nothing to me, and it would be weird for ex DH to claim (as some have on here) that me still liking those places and visiting with new partners is a sign that his suggestions are still affecting my actions and taking weird pleasure in knowing he introduced me to a place i subsequently visited with a new partner. It's just that an adult likes something and continues liking it after a split.

This is very true and a good way to look at it. Im very aware I’m sensitive to it based on the background.. I just came here to rationalise my thought process and this kind of thing is exactly what I need to hear. Thank you x

At least it’s not the same name.

At some point in the future a friend of mine will have to try explain to her daughter Isabella why her father and his new wife called their daughter Isabel.
The fucker even changed his nickname for his DD - she was always Izzy and now on the occasions he bothers to see her he calls her Bella

*not the exact names.

That's exactly it Lola, particularly your last paragraph.

Agreed

In my case, they need their baby something we had actively chosen and set our hearts on while we were currently ttc. He got her pregnant while we were married and ttc. The name had family meaning to me, and not to him.

I think I'm pretty justified in being pissed off.

If it was on a list names you both talked about and liked then there is a big chance that he still does like it and he is within his rights to still like it and choose it for his baby.

If I was having a baby though, I think if I found out the father of my baby and his ex almost picked the same name we have chosen, it would really put me off it and I would want to pick another one.

Mumofone1989
Happy to have helped.
The way I see it is that when we are in relationships our tastes and preferences will change and develop naturally over time. Of course part of that comes from the relationship, but we don't lose those preferences and likes just because the relationship ends.

It's understandable that you're sensitive. Break up can be horrible. You've got to look after yourself. Hopefully putting this to one side can help you process it.

He's a Dick, but we know this, and he's still a Dick for using a name you considered OP

An ex of mine (we had no kids) went on to another relationship.

When they were expecting a baby, if she suggested a name he didn't like he'd say 'Oh TenDays likes that name!' and she'd drop it on the spot.

Most likely, this child's mother doesn't know the history of the name. She surely wouldn't have agreed to it she did.

The ex won't have told her and probably doesn't even remember himself.

If it’s a particularly unusual or a family name on your side. Yanbu
If it’s a tom dick or Harry name or a family name in his side then yabu

Probably me being petty here but I’d be laughing about it. Let them name the baby officially then let her know it was one of the names you had chosen together. If I was her I wouldn’t want any kind of connection to my partners past with another woman. And if she cheated with him (knowingly) then its called karma 😊

@LolaSmiles 💗

@BumbleBeee69 🤣 'dick' doesn't do him justice tbh but I'm all about the good vibes so won't go there 🤣 thanks tho 💗

@funinthesun19 yeah I hear that but it's not just a name that we kinda liked we had a little rhyme about it and everything like it was a special name.. the only reason we didn't call our son it is because it didn't suit him 🤷🏼‍♀️ straight after giving birth I looked at my baby boy, cried, and went with another name which just seemed to suit him better..

Anyway I am fully aware that it's just one of those things that can't be helped if he wants to name his new baby it then he can and will.. but come onnnn have a bit of originality 🤣 thanks for your wise words tho 💗

@21daysofsummer thanks so much for your insightful and clearly necessary comment.

I do hope the below will help x

mama
/ˈmamə,məˈmɑː/

Learn to pronounce
noun
plural noun: mamas
1 1. 
DATED•NORTH AMERICAN
one's mother (especially as a child's term)."she had hated being parted from her mama and papa"




2 2. 
INFORMAL•US
a mature woman."the ultimate tough blues mama"