To think I shouldn’t have to justify my house?

[Carpark1]

So I went on a night out with work the other night (first one since I started there) and a girl i work with offered to collect me and drop me home as I was only just off her route. So I gave her directions and she turned up on time. When I got in the car she said
“Is this actually YOUR house or are you renting?? I answered yes it’s mine we built it 3yrs ago (we live rurally)
Then she said “what does you dh actually do?? He manages a men’s store in the nearest city.
She then proceeded to tell me all night, including all the others at the night out how it was impossible that we could have afforded it ,based on the fact that I only work part time and we have dc. Did I have an inheritance? Did I win the lotto?? Tbh she ruined my night! Aibu to think I shouldn’t have to justify it or answer her questions!!?? What should I say?

I really don't get why people ask how you afforded the house you live in, or even the car you purchase.

I bought a pretty nice house (nothing flash, but better than your average first home buy) in my mid 20s with DH. I inherited a significant amount of money from my nan, of what would be my dad's share (he died when I was a teen).

I had a few comments along the lines of how lucky I was to inherit all that money etc. Er I would rather have my dad alive.

I don't tell anyone how I finance my houses anymore.

Am another who inherited enough to self build. I'm a single mum and it's sad how often I get shocked faces at having a home and not having to work followed by invasive questions and a lot of assumptions. Even dd's dad couldn't handle it and used it in many emails to make me feel worthless. It's what jealous small minded people do rather to make themselves feel better. You've done nothing to instigate this.

Tell her your last three husbands had very good life insurance, give her a slightly psychotic smile and walk away. 😏

@ChippingInLowCarbing I did essentially when we were in the car but she was relentless even still and then to carry on every time someone new as there. I walked away a few times.

Have had similar, it's too outing to say exactly what.
A colleague came to my house to be given a lift to a party, saw "a conservatory" and then at work the next week went on about the "conservatory" other colleague said"i used to live in that area for many years, no one ever has a conservatory, it's not possible to have one "
This went on for bloody months.
It had simply never occurred to her that houses are knocked down and others built in its place that would allow room for a conservatory. Small minded simpleton.
For op I generally go with something truly outlandish when asked rude questions, like yeah my ex is a drug dealer, he wangs me 20k for the kids whenever I see him.

I know my colleagues are jealous that we've almost paid our mortgage/have a chunk of equity more than them BUT they completely overlook all the amazing holidays they've had (Bali, Hawaii, Safari, Florida, States and do on). We have had 2 x 1 week UK holidays off season in 20 years together hmm 2nd hand clothes, furniture cheap cars compared to their BMW...

I've had the same, but from people whose leased cars cost them almost as much a month as our mortgage payments were, who remortgage every time there's a few quid of equity, and spend the money on holidays and new furniture.

Was she British? In quite a few countries such questioning is seen as friendly and polite, and not inappropriate at all.

Personally my response to anyone British would be any of the diamond thief/murderous/sexual favours answers given above. If she's not British then, if alone with her, a gentle "we just don't really talk about such things here", might help her realise it's inappropriate.

OP I live in a small flat

I had one person who was in massive debt be quite rude about it, because she couldn't afford to buy

I had one acquaintance who inherited a house in Primrose Hill and only invited people round when she'd known them for years and years to be sure she didn't get all this shit

and I know one woman who made a huge amount of money through her own business. She was kind of busy 24/7 in the early years and then later on bought a big house in the country and got a horse. She said she also lost a couple of friends because once they saw what she'd earned, they couldn't hack it.

some people are just batshit.

I have a huge line between my work life and personal life though, so wouldn't have a colleague come to my flat. They are more likely to judge stuff for being ancient and tatty but that's not the point - I just don't like work people seeing personal aspects of my life.

Unbelievably rude and intrusive! I bet your colleagues were embarrassed. I think I'd have been inclined to get up and go. Your poor thing, what a nightmare.

Lakie yes! Almost always the ones who want to show you their "new audi" or whatever and insta pics of their luxury hotel on an island that took a private jet to get to . One of these recently asked me why I didn't "fix" the back of my car (cyclist went into it nearly 2 yrs ago) - it's cosmetic and doesn't bother me, actually like that it warns tailgaters off my bum - but she then was confused why I hadn't "swapped it in". Literally couldn't understand that I had bought it and didn't give a shit how it looked as long as it works.

You should have said yes, actually I'm a lottery winner and I have millions just sitting in the bank.
Jealous.

@englishrose13 my immediate thought on a big hallway was 'amazing you can get a Christmas tree by the stairs'! Well done OP you have achieved my lifes dream!

"It's flattering that you like my house so much, we built it ourselves. Let's move on to other topics now though, you've beaten this one to death."

People can be rude, you need to learn how to shut them down.

I similarly once had the odd experience of a new date who dropped me off and then went weird about my house. It was a Victorian terrace, so hardly unique in London. He absurdly accused me that I hadn't told him I'd been married before, confused I said I hadn't, "Of course you must have been, how else would you have this house?". I informed him that I earn all my own money and asked him to leave, so that was the end of that relationship before it even started. He was slightly aggressive, so convinced that I'd been caught in a lie, it was a very strange situation.

Oh and to play by the rules YANBU. She sounds terribly jealous and dull.

2500 sq ft is massive. Especially if you also have a decent amount of land outside. My house is more like 2000 sq ft with a tiny garden, DH works and I SAH. I also get jealousy and nastiness from other people who can’t understand how we afford it when I don’t work. FWIW I inherited enough for a 50% deposit and we pay for the other half by having literally nothing else - no new cars, no holidays, no clothes, no nights out. The people who whinge about our house wouldn’t want to give up their sunshine breaks and nice lifestyles to have our house. One “friend” who was jealous of our house and kept going on about it had just spent £6k on a trip to Disney!

I agree that a wide hallway with room for a Christmas tree is fantastic by the way, ours had space for the pushchair at the side but I'd love a really really huge hallway. I'd want to add a gym and some small offices into your house, then it sounds utterly perfect.

@DugHug yeah we haven’t had a holiday in a few years and no car payments either we’re not frugal as such just don’t pay for what we don’t need.

I've built a new house recently and OP you have confirmed what I thought would happen. I haven't even told colleagues I moved.
I also went for hall big enough for Christmas tree and it looked fantastic

I'd be wondering the same tbh !

House builders - what part of the country are you buying your buildable land & where is best to look for it?

I haven't looked hard but when the odd plot has popped up on rightmove, it always seems to cost the same as a piece of land that already has a house on it. Or maybe I'm not understanding how these things work

I'd be wondering the same tbh !

There's a difference between wondering and asking incessantly. I'm a fairly nosy person and wonder all kinds of things (I wonder if they're planning to have kids soon, why do you never see her husband out with her? How could they afford that posh car did they get a huge loan?) but keep my mouth shut when it's none of my business.

I agree, 2500 sq ft isn't huge. Ours is 2200 sq ft and it's just a nice size. 4 bedrooms, 2 ensuite, a bathroom, 2 sitting rooms, 1 kitchen and one kitchen/diner. Enough room for 3 adults plus various visitors to relax but not excessive.

OneThread I have the same questions!

@OneThread we are northern Ireland

You might have questions, self-builders are rare and it’s ok to be curious. There’s a big difference though in the colleague implying OP is a fibber or that she was secretly in on Brinks Matt.

OP I can only think you’ve got three choices ignore, explain (again), but embellish details of hardship re living in caravan for 18 months to fund build, or going with “Honestly Obnoxious Colleague, enough now with the Spanish Inquisition, my house is bought and paid for and that’s all you need to know. Now just stop it.” “Now, would anyone like a cup of tea?”