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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not stop at the weekend

65 replies

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 09:36

Single mum. Two young children.
Ex has every other weekend
I’ve recently changed jobs - very full on (enjoying). Part time (24 hours)
No family support network whatsoever

I am military in my approach to organising my life. My house is spotless, emails are responded to immediately, I have spreadsheets for everything, the children are at different schools with different pick up and drops offs. I also really enjoy exercise and run 4x a week (very early so doesn’t impede day) and yoga 3x a week (this is mid morning so does impact day). I
Life is enjoyable but very hectic.

So on my weekends “off”. I imagine that I’m going to factor in some down time.

But I never do!! I do to do lists and every weekend is going through it.

I’m not naive enough to realise that in part it will be distraction from fact children not with me. But in part because I just don’t want to stop moving forward.

Any other single parents feel like this on their alone weekends? This feeling of keeping things moving forward and not kicking back? No judgement if you decide the latter! Just curious about the other end of the spectrum

Ps I do flake out in the evening and enjoy a TV dinner and film!!

OP posts:

Orangepear · 23/06/2019 09:45

How do you manage to run in the early mornings? I'm a single parent too, but feel like I'm on a curfew 7pm-7am!

swingofthings · 23/06/2019 09:48

Indeed who looks after your children when you go running early mornings?

notsohippychick · 23/06/2019 09:50

Blimey. You’re amazing!

Waiting1987 · 23/06/2019 09:50

Another person intrigued by the early morning runs . Can't see how that works with young children and single parent...

Blitheringheights · 23/06/2019 09:53

My first question too! Would love to run in am, but kids with me.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 23/06/2019 09:53

Sorry jumping on the running bandwagon ? How?? (Really want to try myself )

Original poster

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 09:53

I live in flat, so lady from upstairs pops down 6.45-7.45 and I pay her a fiver! Children asleep the entire time
It’s wonderful!

OP posts:

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 23/06/2019 09:53

I can't fit in a run in the mornings and I am not a single parent!!

Cath2907 · 23/06/2019 09:53

SP here too. I also want to know how you can go out early mornings. I had to change my whole routine after exH left as can’t leave kid alone in the house.

I enjoy my kid free weekends with a fair bit of sitting and reading or long dog walks (just done one, about to do the other!). I also do cooking, cleaning and laundry so as to have less chores to do once DD is home.

Original poster

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 09:54

Now that out the way, the question I ask....?!

OP posts:

Wellmet · 23/06/2019 09:57

I'm not sure what you're asking really. Most parents are busy at the weekends out of necessity. I'm not a single parent, I do have a partner but we both work full time so the weekends are when we do shopping, DIY, major housework tasks etc. I think it's just normal life.

I actually think it sounds like you get plenty of 'down time' with your running and yoga, and 'tv dinners'.

sackrifice · 23/06/2019 09:59

It's your life, if you don't want to slow down when your kids are not there then don't.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 23/06/2019 10:00

I was like that (except no running, you sound like superwoman bring that organised!) because I hated the kids not being there, it felt like a limb was missing. I found it impossible to not be ‘doing something’ however small and found it to be a weird limbo without the kids, ie it really didn’t feel like a weekend used to, no way could I just relax and do nothing, or do something for me and I couldn’t not be moving forward as you said.

You’re not alone!

Am now pregnant and very much doing nothing apart from lazing in bed on mumsnet whilst ex has the kids!

Original poster

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 10:01

It’s more about whether I’m alone in feeling this need to keep moving as a single parent when not with children
As though to make the time “count” as if I don’t - and I stop - I’ll feel guilty

OP posts:

Original poster

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 10:03

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil. Thank you, i appreciate that thoughtful response and congratulations!!

OP posts:

Beebeezed · 23/06/2019 10:04

your downtime is in the evenings with dinner and a film.

Isatis · 23/06/2019 10:06

It does all sound a bit obsessive. Spreadsheets for everything, seriously? Do you ever have room for doing something spontaneously, or just deciding to junk the spreadsheet and veg out?

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 23/06/2019 10:09

If it makes you happy, so be it. Just be sure it’s not a case of ‘burying’ unpleasant thoughts and emotions as they have a way of breaking through eventually.
I am also very busy person, but I journal to help me process the crappy stuff. Then shit the book and move on!

c75kp0r · 23/06/2019 10:09

Would it not be better to try and have your down time when the kids are in school or nursery rather than at the weekend when you need to have a constant eye on what they are doing?
Why is yoga not time off for you? If it is a chore rather than relaxation, maybe think about dropping it and replacing it with something that feels like time off. I zone out when I am cooking and gardening. I go to the gym but I'm constantly watching the clock as I need to be somewhere else straight after.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 23/06/2019 10:10

Shut not shit

c75kp0r · 23/06/2019 10:10

Also just noticed your ex has the kids every second weekend - there must be a minute to have some time off then?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 23/06/2019 10:11

I think everyone's definition of down time is different. You don't need to be sitting on the sofa doing nothing, which someone else might love. You relax by being busy, by exercising regularly etc. I think you'd be unhappy if you tried to force yourself into forced 'relaxation' because that just isn't you.

CaptainButtock · 23/06/2019 10:14

Shit the book

GraceSlicksRabbit · 23/06/2019 10:17

I can’t speak for the single parent aspect but I have one day a week when my DS is looked after elsewhere and I am not at work. If I start to watch a TV programme that I know I’d never be able to convince my DH to watch I get all twitchy and can’t relax, even though I know that my DH has expressly said that he doesn’t expect me to be doing stuff for him or DS on that day. I feel better if I do DIY or plan for other days with DS (eg last week I spent an hour at the library picking out books for him). I keep thinking about clothes shopping for myself but always end up buying family food or child clothes instead. However I do still feel revitalised having had the space to do these things in peace. I do sometimes take myself off for lunch or a coffee.
Given how much exercise you do, it sounds like that is your chosen relaxation, which is great and so much healthier than vegging out anyway.
Can you meet up with a friend to enforce down time? Or take your kindle to the park or something?

crimsonlake · 23/06/2019 10:22

I need to know how you fit in yoga mid morning if you also work?
It sounds as if you need to be in control, not a bad thing and cannot relax.
How old are your children and how long have you been a single parent?

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