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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not stop at the weekend

65 replies

Amibeingdaft81 · 23/06/2019 09:36

Single mum. Two young children.
Ex has every other weekend
I’ve recently changed jobs - very full on (enjoying). Part time (24 hours)
No family support network whatsoever

I am military in my approach to organising my life. My house is spotless, emails are responded to immediately, I have spreadsheets for everything, the children are at different schools with different pick up and drops offs. I also really enjoy exercise and run 4x a week (very early so doesn’t impede day) and yoga 3x a week (this is mid morning so does impact day). I
Life is enjoyable but very hectic.

So on my weekends “off”. I imagine that I’m going to factor in some down time.

But I never do!! I do to do lists and every weekend is going through it.

I’m not naive enough to realise that in part it will be distraction from fact children not with me. But in part because I just don’t want to stop moving forward.

Any other single parents feel like this on their alone weekends? This feeling of keeping things moving forward and not kicking back? No judgement if you decide the latter! Just curious about the other end of the spectrum

Ps I do flake out in the evening and enjoy a TV dinner and film!!

OP posts:

GraceSlicksRabbit · 23/06/2019 10:29

She only works part time crimson.

Passthecherrycoke · 23/06/2019 10:31

I can see why you do that thoughOP- with a busy life you have to keep the momentum going or it all turns to crap in a few days doesn’t it?

Jemima232 · 23/06/2019 10:32

You need treatment for OCD.

WhiteDust · 23/06/2019 10:38

You obviously have both time and energy if you are running x 4 and do Yoga x 3.
What do you want from 'downtime'? I would consider Yoga especially as a 'downtime' activity.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 23/06/2019 10:39

it sounds quite regimented and not that much fun.
You seem to have a lot of down time, yoga, running, movie in the evening. Why do you want to portray yourself to others as someone who is non-stop on the go. You aren't.
You have more down time than I do (work FT, 3 kids, married)

SunnyCoco · 23/06/2019 10:45

Yeh I'm also a bit confused as it sounds like you have loads of downtime - running, yoga, TV dinners and watching films???

kateandme · 23/06/2019 10:46

i think it seems so structured.so even yog for example which shouldbe nice relaxing time off is structured and penciled in to the enth degree.if your whole day and life is planeed it will feel exhausting and like you cant just be.even you mentioning your evening with film and tv seems structured in!
when do you do something by choice.or nothing by choose.something spontanious.maybe you could try that.go out driving and see somewhere and go ooo ill pop in here.or just stop there.

WhiteDust · 23/06/2019 10:55

Running x4
Yoga x3
Dinner & film throughout the week

It sounds like you have plenty of downtime. Not a criticism because that is the beauty of working P/T.
You have time to fill with whatever you choose.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2019 10:57

Yeh I'm also a bit confused as it sounds like you have loads of downtime - running, yoga, TV dinners and watching films???

That's what I was thinking?

Plus 2 school age children and a very part-time job.

You have your down time and it sounds like a healthy amount.

sanmiguel · 23/06/2019 11:02

What's on your lists that you are ticking off on the weekends the kids aren't with you? I tend to have sort wardrobes, get on top of ironing etc... but these tasks I find therapeutic and wouldn't consider it being busy.
If you're paving your patio, plastering your walls or decorating the hallway, yes you may need to slow down a tad! But anything else sounds perfectly normal way of making the most of the time to get jobs done without children under your feet.
Given your chilling time on an eve and part time work, it doesn't sound like you're at burn out, (just trying to be organised) if this is your worry?
Just do what keeps you happy. Not everyone wants to be at spa or bars when their kids are away. I certainly don't.

TheStuffedPenguin · 23/06/2019 11:02

Are you actually ENJOYING what you do or are you doing it because you feel you should ?

Yabbers · 23/06/2019 11:08

I live in flat, so lady from upstairs pops down 6.45-7.45 and I pay her a fiver! Children asleep the entire time

BigSandyBalls2015 · 23/06/2019 11:09

I reckon you leave the kids asleep for these morning runs ….but can't admit that on MN .

dottiedodah · 23/06/2019 11:09

Phew ! feel exhausted just reading that post TBH!.Can you get together with other single Mums on your w/e "off"?.How about some baking (cakes for DC when they return ?).No wonder you "flake out "at the end of the day!.What about doing something just for "you".Maybe take in a Museum or see a film for grown ups for example ?.You need some downtime for yourself too you know!

Lucked · 23/06/2019 11:15

I have never made a spreadsheet in my life. Wouldn’t know where to start.

I can imagine if you are on a tight budget they are useful to see where the money is going. But what else can you spreadsheet?

soulrunner · 23/06/2019 11:24

lucked I too love a spreadsheet-

investments and personal cash flow/ net asset forecast ( until death).
kids schedules so I don’t forget they’re not coming back on the bus and accidentally leave them at school ( has happened)
school holiday schedules ( who is booked for what when)
stuff for being a class parent ( volunteer rosters/ who has paid for class parties/ socials etc)

I like spreadsheets but there are more and more apps around that do the same thing. I just like excel as i work with it a lot.

ChippingInLowCarbing · 23/06/2019 11:25

I see the boast, but I don’t see the question?

You have 2 school aged kids, only work part time and live in a flat, your Ex has the kids EOW.. YOU have loads of ‘down time’.

You seem to think you’re super mum and we should all be incredibly impressed.

I think lots & lots of people have far more difficult situations & just get on with it.

Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 11:31

I’m not a single parent but also have no downtime. I have four DC so the weekends are very full, we usually have DIY to do, a deep clean, activities planned, food shopping, getting things ready for school etc. Can’t really remember the last time I properly relaxed in all honesty.

ClownTent · 23/06/2019 11:33

I am incredibly jealous. I am basically a single parent and also work part time and the only down time I get is my commute to work, unless we are counting the evenings in silence after bedtime. I am finding it incredibly hard and I don't share DS, although his dad/paternal grandparents watch him while I'm at work on the weekends. Good on you for managing it, I wish I could.

In terms of understanding what you mean about not slowing down, I get that too. On the odd occasion that I have a half hour to myself or half a day or whatever, I start sitting down but then think 'oh I could sort this/do that/go here to buy x' so I do understand.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2019 11:37

What about doing something just for "you".Maybe take in a Museum or see a film for grown ups for example? You need some downtime for yourself too you know!

On top of running 4x a week and doing yoga 3x per week?

What's that if it isn't down time?

FancyACarrot · 23/06/2019 11:37

I used to feel the need to be out socialising

Ted27 · 23/06/2019 11:40

what do you see as 'downtime'?
I'm a single mum, work 24 hours a week, there is no ex partner so the only 'weekend off' I get is when my son is at scout camp maybe 4 times a year, though now he is a teen he can be left to his own devices. My downtime is my allotment, going to the gym, breakfast every Friday with some friends. I get the TV to veg out and do nothing when he's gone to bed.
I don't work Thurs or Fridays so I have a 4 day ''weekend' every week. Its always busy, I always have a huge to do list. Thats just life.

Goingonagondola · 23/06/2019 11:40

I'm another one that doesn't think you sound busy AT ALL. You work part time, you don't have your kids full time (I don't mean that unkindly as I'd hate that but it is a fact), you have time for running, yoga, tv dinners/movies. Your kids are at school...

Your life sounds like a LOT of downtime and 'me time'. I literally don't do any of the things you do.

lazylinguist · 23/06/2019 11:43

Of course YANBU. Different strokes for different folks. Some people like chilling out. Others find peace of mind in keeping busy and in having everything organised.

I'm essentially pretty lazy, fairly untidy, and will sit around given the chance. But I actually feel much happier and more chilled mentally when I'm organised and when my house is clean and tidy. Leisure time is so much more pleasurable when you're not feeling guilty about the stuff you haven't done, or worrying about what you might have forgotten.

Isatis · 23/06/2019 11:43

Surely your running, exercise and yoga are downtime? You are simply following your own recreational preferences.

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