Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how learning to drive changed your life?

92 replies

OliviaisGoodAtLots · 22/06/2019 21:56

I'm 34 and currently learning to drive. It's costing me a fortune and I'm losing heart a bit. I've had to learned as I've moved to a city that doesn't have great transport. I currently cycle everywhere but on awful weather days I'm often stuck.

Please tell me the ways in which driving changed your life so I can keep my motivation up!

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 23/06/2019 08:12

Finn1020

In the UK parents seem averse to taking kids out for driving lessons. Many people I know try to learn with only professional lessons which cost a fortune.

In other countries (perhaps where driving is much more necessary like Oz) I've noticed people practice in car parks/with friends family a lot more.

You are right though, more time behind the wheel is a must. Lessons once a week are pointless. You spend the first half of your lesson trying to remember what you did a week ago.

I did a 10 day intensive course. 2 hrs of lesson time per day for 10 days. In between lessons I drove my parents everywhere. And they spent hours with me in car parks practicing manoeuvres etc. After 10 days I passes my test first time (although tests were easier then).

Be aware driving instructors will try to get you to drag this process out as long as possible.

GruciusMalfoy · 23/06/2019 08:16

@finn1020 I guess a lot of us will prefer to go with a driving instructor, but there's nothing stopping anyone from solely learning from a parent. Three of my cousins did, but they also had to take the test multiple times. My thinking would be that the diving instructor teaches to test standards, whereas parents usually teach how they drive. So it may include little bad habits or whatever. There's not a minimum number of hours we must have taken to sit a test, you just have to prove you're driving at test standard. When I learnt it was with an instructor, who said it would also be beneficial to go out driving with a family member for extra practice.

I was around £25 per hour, (I dread to count this up now! Worth every penny) plus £60 something for the practical tests (I did 3!) And £30 something for the theory test.

InkyToesies · 23/06/2019 08:20

I started lessons when I was 40. Never had a car in the family so I was a complete newbie. It was the best thing I ever did. Like PPs have said, it's the freedom. No relying on public transport, last bus / train home, arms hanging out of sockets with heavy shopping.

Choose your instructor wisely. Mine was fabulous. Very professional, and knowledgeable. Quite 'strict', i.e. do things properly until they are second nature, and he could TEACH. Not everyone can. Lessons are expensive whether you get a good instructor or a duff one (and there are plenty of those). Maybe contact your local Institute of Advanced Motorists for a recommendation. I took 2-4 lessons a week, and I didn't have a car to practise in between times, so just the lessons.

One thing to avoid perhaps is the 'how many lessons do I need' state of mind. I know they're expensive but I took the view that I'd have as many as I needed to be able to drive safely. There's no other area e.g. swimming, learning a language / instrument where people say "oh, you need 20 lessons, or one lesson for every year of your life, and then you'll be able to swim, speak French or whatever."

A couple of other thoughts that I remember having:

Re cost: It's expensive, but it's not going to get any cheaper.
Re scariness: First, look at all the morons who can hardly steer a supermarket trolley. They can (or can't!) drive, so surely I can. Driving isn't a supernatural power. It's about working a machine: doing things with your hands and eyes and brain at the same time. Like knitting/ sewing, or working a sewing machine or icing a cake. Hard and clunky at first, but it gets easier and that side of things then becomes automatic. Your brain learns and then you don't have to think about it and you can give all your attention to what's going on outside the vehicle. That's about learning to observe and interpret what's going around you - back, front and sides. Mirrors are your friend - use them until they wear out!

It's a set of rules, i.e. working the car and the Highway Code. And then add the unpredictable human side: other road users, pedestrians and their 'behaviour'; time of day (school /pub chucking out time) and so on. You unconsciously 'read' and anticipate situations all the time as a pedestrian. When you're driving, you learn to do the same.

Last pearl of wisdom (sorry to go on!)...passing the test is just the beginning. That's when the real learning starts!

Go for it - it's great fun!

hammeringinmyhead · 23/06/2019 08:21

It would have cost far more to put me on my mum's insurance on her 2 litre Diesel car than they spent in lessons. They wanted well over £1k for a 17 year old learner for a short period.

smeerf · 23/06/2019 08:26

On Thursday night my one year old's temperature spiked to 39.5. He was floppy, drowsy and I was terrified. 111 organised an out of hours GP appointment at my local hospital but advised we should start giving him calprofen as well as calpol in an attempt to bring the temp down. I threw everyone in the car, we nipped to the local supermarket for the calprofen then up to the hospital. Luckily it was only tonsillitis, but we had to drive to a couple of pharmacies before we found one that was still open (despite checking their opening hours online). While DP was filling the prescription in an Asda that's only really accessible by car, I sat there and thought about how that would have gone had I not passed my test when I was pregnant with DS just under 2 years ago.

It's really worth it.

PinkBuffalo · 23/06/2019 08:31

I learned in my 20s when my job moved somewhere completely inaccessible by public transport. It was a real struggle as I have dyspraxia and had to go automatic. I don't enjoy it and will still get public transport if it's available to me or walk lol.
BUT it means I can now go to work, can travel at inconvenient times & Xmas etc if going to see family etc. Doing shopping it all fits in the boot so I can get that big tray of diet coke cans etc.
I'm so glad I did it. I would definitely have not been able to keep my job without it though, but the above make it worthwhile.
(But I can't ride a bike)

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/06/2019 08:33

I put on weight when I learnt to drive!

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 23/06/2019 08:34

It totally changed my life for the better. It meant I got the job I'd always wanted, I'm able to do several things in one day, I've visited lots of new places with the children and shopping and generally everything is so much easier at the moment (my children are very young so it used to take an age to do the simplest thing if we needed to go anywhere)

I too was 34 when I passed my test and there were times I nearly packed it in, took me about 14 months before I passed. At times I never thought I would get there.

Keep going honestly! I was never fussed about driving until I had children and live in a town with poor public transport. Totally changed my life for the better and I've got a fantastic new job which I wouldn't have got otherwise as I need to do lots of driving about in the community.

Keep going!

TheWashingMachine · 23/06/2019 08:37

Freedom, and more time to enjoy with children. I only got mine at 36 it was hard but amazingly liberating, trips that took thirty minutes by bus before only take five to ten

Adversecamber22 · 23/06/2019 08:56

I passed my test at age 20.

I can just get in my car and go anywhere without restriction. I used to have a 7 hour coach journey back to see family in my home town but I could then get back in 3.5 hours.

Get to places hard to reach in the Peak District for walks. Buy huge items and bring them home easily. I don’t like public transport as I seem to attract people that want to talk to me, one of my sisters is the same.

I refused to teach DS to drive, the insurance to add him was astronomical. He had 20 lessons and passed first time a few months ago. It was 2k to add him to my insurance and his lessons cost £560 in total.

ForalltheSaints · 23/06/2019 08:59

It enabled me to take my grandmother to the place of her birth for one last time, and to help my dad who could not by then drive for medical reasons.

All other benefits have been secondary, and now I do not run a car.

SignedUpJust4This · 23/06/2019 09:07

Just to say if you can find a private empty car park you can let them practice without putting on your insurance

thecatsabsentcojones · 23/06/2019 09:17

I love it, passed at eighteen, and the few times the car has been unavailable it's been like a limb is gone, but then I live somewhere fairly rural and crap for bus services. Planning round public transport would be a nightmare.

It's freedom, independence and the ability to get to wherever you want fairly fast (although that wasn't the case when I lived in a city which was busy).

moonpiggle · 23/06/2019 09:19

Freedom and independence! So flippin worth it, keep calm and carry on ul get there OP x

Anyonebut · 23/06/2019 09:22

I'm almost 40, learnt to drive in my 30s and it is the one thing I do that makes me feel like a proper adult (and I do have children).

smallereveryday · 23/06/2019 09:33

I reiterate all the positives that others have mentioned. It has also allowed me to do a 9 month road trip around the States and Canada.

I can never get my head around all the women on MN who say 'DH/P drives I don't ' it's such a 1950s attitude. If your OH has a car there is absolutely no reason not to learn too.

It cost £45 a month for learner insurance. If you are disabled there is even more help to learn to drive through the motability scheme and then help to purchase a vehicle.
Leaving your partner to do all the driving is very selfish. It also puts you on unequal footing and reinforces the 'driving is for men' stereotype to your children.

I have taught both my brothers, my ex husband and three of my children. The costs are £34 for provisional license, £45 a month for learner insurance. £4 for L plates, First lesson with instructor (2 hrs ) £52. Then practice practice practice. Every trip. The learner drives where possible. So we did school run, supermarket (heavy rush hour traffic) and longer journeys to GPs. To get dual carriageway experience.
Book theory test when you start to drive . (6 week wait) this is £23.
As soon as Theory passed - book practical test £62. Another 6 week wait. Meanwhile have another 3 lessons £78 for three including a 'mock test' .

The average mine have taken is 3-4 months from start to pass. So average is £188 a month. For 3 months.

bruffin · 23/06/2019 09:52

I can never get my head around all the women on MN who say 'DH/P drives I don't ' it's such a 1950s attitude. If your OH has a car there is absolutely no reason not to learn too.

I did learn and passed 20 years ago, i never got my confidence so never drove, had some extra lessons last year , thought i can do this, but lost it again. I am fortunate to live just over border from london so transport links are good, 3 stations with 20 minute walk, so very rarely need a car. My only problem has been hospital appointments which were half an hour drive and 2 hours by public transport, we really are in a black spot for hospitals.

BusterGonad · 23/06/2019 11:24

I've been driving for 11 years nearly. I hated my lessons and cried every time. I persevered, what was the major turning point was changing my instructor, my brother recommended his as he (instructor) works with people with additional needs, I do not have extra needs but I needed someone calm and patient and that was him! I passed on my 2nd test. I'm quite proud of that as I hated it so much!
Driving has been good as it meant we could move to a village without public transport, I've been able to drive my son late at night to the doctors when he was ill, what I love the most about driving is independence and quiet time in my own in the car with my music on!

Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 11:46

It just opens up so many more avenues really. Public transport is naff, it’s overpriced and you really have to fuck about getting anywhere. I remember taking my DC to the seaside on the train, it was two buses (to the city centre and back) and four trains in total compared to just throwing everything in a car and going. It takes a lot longer generally using public transport and you have to deal with other people shudders Wink. Food shopping is easier with a car, getting to places difficult or impossible to reach via public transport, extra curricular activities for DC, the commute to work. All kinds of reasons really. I have more motivation to leave the house with the car.

Keep going otherwise all the money you’ve spent so far on lessons and all the effort you have put in will have been a waste.

Pinkmouse6 · 23/06/2019 11:51

I didn’t have to wait 6 weeks to take my theory as PP suggested, I think I managed to get a slot a week after I booked it and I passed that with no worries at all. I started lessons a week after passing my theory test, had 4 months of lessons with a very good instructor and passed first time. I tried going driving with my Mum at the time as well and it was fucking awful, she stressed me out and made me lose confidence.

I don’t recommend learning with relatives as opposed to actual instructors, it’s like expecting to pass a GCSE exam after being ‘taught’ by someone with no teaching experience. Every single driver picks up terrible habits after a while, you do not want to also pick these up because you will fail your test.

CSIblonde · 23/06/2019 11:52

I learnt because I lived in a rural village & buses were once a day. It gave me confidence, freedom & independence. It meant I increased my very lucrative babysitting from just a neighbour, to 4 families in nearby villages. It meant when my Dad was terminally ill I could drive home from university in 1.5hrs instead of 3hrs by train. Its so worth it if your transport links are rubbish.

thetardis · 23/06/2019 11:54

head-on-collision, PTSD.

you did ask...

AuntieMarys · 23/06/2019 12:00

I didn't drive till I was 30 and my god I love it, 30 years on. Independence, freedom..I live in a city with below average public transport and use my car most days to drive out of the city to amazing countryside.
I couldn't have done my job without a car.

xELENx · 23/06/2019 12:08

I couldn't wait to drive! Bought my first car (loved that wee banger) when I was 16 - well my parents did I paid them back in instalments. Got lessons for my 17th birthday and passed my test before I turned 18. I'm 34 now can't imagine not having a car/being able to drive. The freedom it gives you is immense! Need to pop to the shops? No problem. Nice day? Jump in the car and take off somewhere. Someone needs help? Be there in no time.

Don't give up on your lessons, you'll get there! X

WhatthehellisplanB · 23/06/2019 12:32

I was too scared to drive or learn thanks to my sister always putting me down. Finally learnt and passed at 39. Even after passing, I was too nervous to drive our car. So my mum paid for me to do an advanced driving course with Institute of Advanced Motorists.
Total game changer! Even driving to the lectures gave me experience, the lessons are informal and really gave me confidence. Now I love the freedom of popping the kids in the car and going out, it's so easy!
Finally I feel like a proper grown up adult and an equal partner to my husband who now can have a pint when we're out. He doesn't have to be designated driver anymore. It's fair!
Yesterday was a year to the day I passed. It was worth the money and the anxiety, only wish I'd done it sooner