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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours using road as their back garden...

104 replies

lovesamumbun · 21/06/2019 20:39

So 6 months ago we moved into a a new build (shared ownership through a housing association). Our house is slightly set back off the road, 6 houses but not quite a cul de sac. And now the weather is getting nicer the neighbouring kids are coming out to play. Now I’m all for kids being kids but they are starting to treat it like an extension to their gardens. Around 13 kids, every night, screaming/shouting/kicking footballs at windows and cars until nearly 9 oclock. My 2 year olds bedroom is at the front of the house and it keeps him awake every night (when it’s not raining anyway!) Is there anything I can realistically do? I’ve had words with the parents and it just gets brushed off and they carry on. There is a park literally 30 steps from our houses. I’m losing the will to live. Not here for judgement, just need to know what on earth I can do!

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 21/06/2019 23:07

Come back in 5 years and tell us your child isn't out there. He will see them and ask to go, then make a friend from school who will invite him out. You will go out and watch for a while, then sit in front garden, then kitchen window before leaving him to it knowing he knows the boundaries and leaving the window open to listen out.

Err I have kids who have local friends from primary school and they're definitely not out shouting and swearing and kicking footballs in the road at 9pm!

GnomeDePlume · 21/06/2019 23:16

YANBU

We live on a cul-de-sac. The football up and down the road, footballs bouncing off cars and walls etc etc. Neighbour was very happy for her DCs to play outside but would insist they had to play away from her house!

Even on a cul-de-sac there is a risk from cars. DD was knocked over by a car straight outside our house. One tonne of metal colliding with squidgy organic object, it's the squidgy organic object which comes off worst.

Thankfully it was a very low speed accident so while DD had a broken foot and damage to her knee her injuries werent worse.

LL83 · 21/06/2019 23:18

@IceCreamFace obviously I wouldn't encourage swearing or vandelising cars. My point was in regard to OP saying her DC would be in the garden.

NoooorthonerMum · 21/06/2019 23:20

@LL83To be fair that's where most kids play especially if they want to kick a ball around late in the evening!

TrickyKid · 21/06/2019 23:20

Sounds great and exactly what I did growing up on a cul-de-sac (apart from kicking balls at windows)
It'll be your little one playing out their before you know it. I think 9 is a reasonable time for them to stop.

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 21/06/2019 23:36

YANBU We used to live in a cul-de-sac and the local lads set up skate boarding ramps right outside our house. My car bumper was scratched and when I informed the parents they basically told me I was a liar. I would never live in a cul-de-sac again.

JemSynergy · 21/06/2019 23:43

The very first house I bought was in a cul-de-sac with a green in the middle. There was a no ball games sign but kids would still play ball games which would hit my car and windows. I didn't have children then and worked long hours so I found it all a bit much. I moved and promised myself I would never live in another cul-de-sac, it was like living in a goldfish bowl.

Heratnumber7 · 21/06/2019 23:47

We bought our house specifically because the kids would be able to play out in the cul de sac.
YABU OP, sorry.

Stefoscope · 22/06/2019 00:10

@LolaSmiles that must be shit to have neighbours like that. The OP did say she doesn't mind 'kids being kids', i.e. no issue with a family playing in their garden. However, she's talking about a dozen primary school aged kids swearing, screaming and kicking footballs at cars and windows, that's pretty antisocial behaviour.

billy1966 · 22/06/2019 01:33

Honestly, if it's just ordinary children playing, despite you speaking with the parents, you will get absolutely nowhere.

What you need to do is be political with the children.
I would go out to them softly, softly.

Explain in a quiet vice that "jack" is trying to sleep and will be so cranky if he doesn't sleep.

Have a bag of tiny random small treats, which you offer to them as a respectful "thank you" for being so brilliant for moving along to the bigger Green etc.

You would be amazed at how this can work if you are that calm, clever parent.

You may have to do this for several nights.
The trick is to be calm, respectful and persistent.
You want to, without aggression, move the children along.
It can work.
And hopefully you will remain friendly with your neighbours.
Your children will mix in the future.
And your children will have a good circle of friends.

PinkSpring · 22/06/2019 07:23

@Rainonmyguitar - yes I did buy on an estate in an area with lots of families, difference is people here know how to behave so children aren't playing on the streets.

Children playing outside in designated green areas and parks, fine. Children playing outside in the streets or around parked cars, not fine. I don't want my property damaged or to be subjected to shrieking. It's lazy parenting to just shove them outside near a road or people's property and then not give a shit if the little darlings damage something because "kids will be kids".

BonnieBelleStarr · 22/06/2019 08:21

I don't know if it will help but complain to the council about the noise

FoxFoxSierra · 22/06/2019 09:40

If your house is housing association you must have a housing officer, this is exactly the kind of thing they deal with. Ours has sent letters round to every house about children running across the gardens

FamilyOfAliens · 22/06/2019 09:43

Sounds great and exactly what I did growing up on a cul-de-sac

The OP isn’t in a cul-de-sac.

MrsMozartMkII · 22/06/2019 09:45

Trust me OP, if they were in the park 30 steps away you'd still hear them!

NoooorthonerMum · 22/06/2019 09:46

Trust me OP, if they were in the park 30 steps away you'd still hear them!

But it wouldn't be as loud (especially if the park isn't directly facing OP's house) and she wouldn't have the balls colliding with her car or windows so it would be a big improvement.

Mayagoldchoc · 22/06/2019 09:52

I'm in a new build. The sound proofing is normally really good now. I know it's really hot in them but you could shut the window and use a fan for 2 hours around his bedtime. Open the window when the children have gone in. Or open Windows at other side of house at time your son goes to bed. Also if you have a blackout blind, use it in the day to stop the room overheating.

backaftera2yearbreak · 22/06/2019 09:56

Children playing outside. The horror 🙄. I quite like the leaflet I saw in the doctors surgery recently, stated quite clearly not to bother phoning the council about the noise children make playing outside.

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 10:01

bit confused about all the "cul de sac" comments

we lived in a close with about 20 houses. It was like a horseshoe shape. That's what I thought OP was describing. But small and not really feasible to play football as very close to windows etc. And would be horribly noisy.

are some posters saying they move to that kind of place so the kids "can" play in that road area?

sorry if being really thick.

Sn0tnose · 22/06/2019 11:25

I don't buy the "it's part of a childhood" to play outside, it's a nuisance and not everyone wants to be subjected to it. I would never allow my children to do it.

Then your children will be the ones missing out. It teaches them independence and how to socialise and make friendships from an early age. It gives them an established friendship group apart from school friends. It encourages a sense of community. I cannot think of a single benefit of a child being confined to playing in their garden and only seeing friends on pre arranged ‘play dates’ (God I hate that term!)

OP, my advice would be to be friendly. If the kids are out making a racket past 8pm, go outside, be friendly and ask them to keep it down because you’ve got a child asleep. Tell them that hearing them is making him want to come out and play with them. Take your child outside while they’re playing (obviously, a lot earlier in the day) and let them see him. If it’s really hot, take him out with some ice poles to give to the kids. If there are 13 kids from five houses (excluding yours) then they’ll all have younger siblings and know how to play with them. If you’re nice to them, but firm about being respectful to each other, they won’t want to cause you problems. All they know is that their parents don’t mind them being there. It’s unlikely to have even occurred to them that they’re causing problems for anyone else.

Apart from that, your only options are to swap bedrooms or move to a house on a busy main road.

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 11:28

we played with the neighbours' kids, we just did it in our backyard

no one needs to play in a road, cul de sac, close, whatever it is being called, in order to play with neighbouring kids!

we did sometimes chat out in the road, on doorsteps and so on, but weren't able to play ball games out there.

EmilyThornby · 22/06/2019 11:31

Your child will be out there playing in a few years.

Sn0tnose · 22/06/2019 11:58

we played with the neighbours' kids, we just did it in our backyard...no one needs to play in a road, cul de sac, close, whatever it is being called, in order to play with neighbouring kids!

Your parents would have been okay with thirteen kids playing in their back garden every night? It’s fine if Emily from No 27 just wants to play with Rosie from No 32 but that is never going to work if you’ve got a large group of kids who all want to play together.

RosaWaiting · 22/06/2019 12:01

oh no, not 13!

but that's the kind of number that should be at the park, not creating a racket outside people's houses. really unfair.

megletthesecond · 22/06/2019 12:01

It's fine. The neighbourhood kids congregate around my house and I let them get on with it.

Yes, it's going to be a pain while your ds is young but he'll benefit from being able to play out when he's older.

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