WIBU to tell DH he looks silly in some of his outfits?

[Birdsonginthetrees]

We've been together 20 years. When we first met he wore jeans and t shirts and looked nice.

About 7 years in, he started wearing more eccentric outfits, until I eventually gently told him his outfits didn't work. He was hurt and upset and I felt bad, but he seemed to stop the worst combinations.

Since then he wears his weirdest stuff when he goes out on his own, but sometimes I'm embarrassed when we're together, because he still wears odd combinations.

Tonight when he went out DS told him he looked awful and I've been cringing about the looks he'll be getting as he walked into town.

I don't know what to do - on the one hand I think people have a right to wear what they like and don't want to hurt his feelings by bringing this up again. But on the other hand I want to feel proud of my DH and to fancy him, but I can't when he looks so silly.

It would be very outing to describe his outfits but try and imagine if someone had thrown together some very loud items, vintage 70s items, clashing patterns, over the top accessories, a hat, and some worn stuff with holes in all together in a crazy mismatched way.

This reminds me of a lovely chap I know who was single for ages. No one would say anything directly to him until, one day, a plain speaking Scottish friend suddenly piped up with 'mate, you are never gonna get a woman interested whilst wearing red rubber trousers and a ripped Sisters of Mercy t-shirt that's 20 years older than you are'.

Can you describe some of the worst outfits? Does he paint his nails?

I wouldn’t really mind tbh, he’s still hot regardless! We’re both a bit alternative anyway though

Do you mean stuff like corduroy flares with cowboy boots on the bottom, Hawaiian shirt on the top type thing? Get him on to pinterest so he can learn how to pull a look together he's just trying too hard and missing the mark by the sound of it.

If he's comfortable and doesn't mind the looks from strangers then leave him alone. Your embarrassment is your problem. It must be very hurtful for him to have this part of his personality criticised by someone who is supposed to love him.

Tell him exactly what you’ve told us here, that you love and respect him and don’t want to be controlling but that you’re worried his style is having an adverse affect on how people perceive him and how you desire him.

Tell him you love his individuality and sense of fun and that you’d like to go shopping with him together, or look at some styles together on Pinterest or Instagram to slightly tweak his style into something a little more.. polished/ current/ sexy/ smart/ groomed/ grown up/ cogent/ delete as appropriate! And try not to sound too patronising, good luck

Sounds like Giles from Gogglebox 🤔

Let him be and love him for who he is.
There's no harm asking in a friendly non judgemental way of he is aiming for a certain 'lion's and if so offering to help him achieve it.
But otherwise,at least admire his self confidence to be the person he is😀

Look not lion's! Flipping word changer,sorry😀

Damn I want to see a photo of these outfits....

when he walked out I said god you look like someone who was sentenced in 05 and this is your release date 😂

You need to get Unusual onto his case OP😁

I like 70s/vintage & wear bright colours. DP is loud af. We are well put together tho, not trampy. You could tell your H you like his style but not the tatty stuff. I can't stand bland dressing/safe colours Chain Store Charlies so I'm likely not the best to advise. If his clothes fit & he's clean and tidy that's good isn't it..he's not out there looking like Tatty Bogle, surely..?

NEED PIX

Or at least some ghastly fabric swatches, please?

There's a world of difference between dressing like a wallflower and going out looking a complete mess with no hint of "put togetherness". People can wear very whacky eccentric clothing but still look good, even if you personally feel it's something you wouldn't be seen dead in. Maybe ask him: does he think he looks good or does he know he looks a mess but actually doesn't care ? If it's the first, there's some hope. I'd try and tweak the outfit for him to give it a bit more style. If he doesn't care, I am not sure what you can do, other than cause the worst offending items to mysteriously disappear. Tough one!!

YANBU

Sometimes my husband will wear things that just make him look appalling. He has no idea how to dress well.

I just tell him. Same as he'll just tell me.

But we both come from cultures where people are blunt, which honestly, I find far more bearable than all this tripping around trying not to hurt other people.

If you can't be honest with your husband that he looks a state, who can you be honest with?

I miss living in Scotland where people will take one look at a dodgy outfit and go 'the state of ye'.

Describe weird? My husband dresses fairly out there, I like it. I'm completely plain jane!

You are being controlling. Not OK at all!

woody is there a line then? If your partner started dressing like a cowboy, or a clown, or wearing full make up, or wearing a tshirt that said 'amateur gynaechologist', you'd be ok with that?

My auntie is in her late 60's and is the most stylish person I know, she looks rich even when wearing George at Asda.

Anyhow, her dp is an eccentric dresser. He looks like a cross between Peter Stringfellow ( when alive ) and the character of Joseph in the technicolour dreamcoat.
Somehow he pulls it off and it suits him and people always do a double take when seeing them together. They stand out but for the right reasons.
That's the difference I think.

Is it possible you can modify his style so he embraces the look he is going for, but in a more stylish way, if that makes sense.

I would tell him he can’t wear anything worn, or with holes.

Ask him what look he’s going for. Perhaps you can help it be more palatable.

The fact you told him I’m the past and he was hurt says to me, tread carefully.

Yeah you have to tell him! If he is looking so bad your DS is having to mention it as well

Birdsonginthetrees

I understand what you are experiencing.

This was my exH's 'thing' too. He had a lot of other 'things' going on that I didn't know about until years later. Not saying this is going on with your H, but there was a certain amount of attention seeking in all the wrong ways going on with my exH that you should maybe watch out for.

My exH used to wear rags. T-shirts he had ruined with bleach. Trousers that were three inches too short. Shoes that only a pimp would consider attractive. And a pair of painted on white spandex running shorts that left absolutely nothing to the imagination once he had worked up a sweat on a run. After we had separated I was once driving teenage DS somewhere when we passed exH out running in these abominations. DS remarked 'there goes dad in his tighteyest whiteyest running gear'. They were astonishingly inappropriate.

I found out years later that (unfairly and in fact unjustly) people were talking about my lack of laundry skills wrt the bleach stained T-shirts. I used to beg him not to use bleach in the laundry. He ruined many of my clothes and the DCs' clothes until I refused to let him touch anything but his own.
It's not always benign and only his business. The OP may well be the subject of laughter behind closed doors.

Way back when we were first married his suitcase was once lost in transit on a trip and we went out to buy replacement basics - underwear, a pair of shorts, swimming trunks, a dressing gown (he felt he needed this) and some T-shirts. From a whole shop full of clothing he chose a pair of dark red corduroy shorts that was indecently short and too big for him, a pink and cream French terry dressing gown, a pair of orange canvas (short) swimming trunks that bleached to a much lighter colour after a few hours in the pool, and two T-s whose only attraction was that they were dirt cheap.

All the items he bought were from the 'Must Go/80% off' rail. There was no need to be so cheap. It was his only criterion ever when buying clothes.

exH also had - I strongly suspect - a case of disordered eating if not out and out anorexia.
And he is also a narcissistic bottomless pit of self loathing.

The difference between 'eccentric style' and looking like a hobo is self esteem in one and none in the other.

@Unusualusernames
The other day he wore a tracksuit I'd apparently bought him in 2005 from the Nike shop (I don't remember this). Anyway, when he walked out I said god you look like someone who was sentenced in 05 and this is your release date

^ha ha that is very funny! I will remember that one!

OP impossible to say YABU or YANBU unreasonable without a photo! Can you not even crop his head off so we just see the clothes please?

Oh you weren't both on the tube last Saturday were you ?

Op - I’m probably being blonde but where’s the pictures of him? I can’t open them