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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have only found out about birthing my own child 6 years later!

58 replies

Fakenametodayhey · 21/06/2019 13:20

Me and DH were talking recently about when I was giving birth the first time. Baby was facing the wrong way so every time I pushed he kept sliding back in. I was pushing for 2 hours and was exhausted. Loads of doctors and nurses. About 10 people in the room. Can't really remember much except being so tired i didn't even care about the pain anymore.

I knew I had been cut open to help get him out. But DH only just told me that they had to use a suction cup and that he thought they dragged him out like a little rag doll.

I remember the midwife told me that I have to keep pushing or else the baby would die and I might die.
I remember thinking I will die then. So I missed one contraction and didnt push but then pushed so hard on the next one! And he came out and i felt all proud but nobody told me that i had help. Until now...

I remember talking to my friend who had a baby and had forceps and I told i had been cut but nothing more.

Actually i think it might have been a tear. Now i just cant remember. I wish i had written it down but i cant believe nobody told me!

OP posts:
PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 21/06/2019 13:23

It would say on the discharge notes I think. I had notes for baby and for me. Baby's mention info about type of delivery, length of time at each stage, weight etc. Mine mention my 3rd degree tear and other stuff.

QuestionableMouse · 21/06/2019 13:24

It should all be detailed in your notes.

Sounds horrible sorry.

Original poster
Fakenametodayhey · 21/06/2019 13:40

Oh I dont know where they are. Ill have to have a look for them. Thanks

OP posts:
Dreamingofkfc · 21/06/2019 13:46

Did it not come up at all postnatally? I'm a midwife and we would talk through the birth postnatally, or at least confirm some details. Did your baby not have the ventouse mark on their head?

Lilyannarose · 21/06/2019 13:55

Can you request to see your hospital notes?
This is something I've thought about doing myself re one of my births.
Not sure how easy it is to do that though.

Work12 · 21/06/2019 13:58

I don't really know why it matters this far on. I know I'll probably get funny comments for this but...

Wifeofapostie · 21/06/2019 13:59

You can arrange a de-brief meeting with either a consultant or the supervisor of Midwives. There is no time limit on this. They will go over your notes with you, and give you all the details you need.

LoafofSellotape · 21/06/2019 14:00

I'm surprised the baby didn't have venthouse marks. You sound like you had a really rough delivery. Notes are kept until the child is 21 I think so you could ask to look through them.

Btw you should feel proud of yourself,regardless of having help,you did great! Flowers

CielBleuEtNuages · 21/06/2019 14:02

I know what you mean OP.

I didn't have notes on my delivery (don't think they exist in this country).

2 years after giving birth to DS1 I told DH I didn't want to go back to the same hospital for several reasons, including that they made me push when I didn't have contractions and the midwife pushed down hard on my stomach to get baby out (very painful despite an epidural). I was most indignant. DH was incredulous - turns out that the baby was in distress and they had to get it out now - he was surprised I didn't hear that, but I didn't I was so focused and in pain.

He was also surprised I didn't hear the really loud cracking noise made when they gave me an episiotomy.

Wintersnowdrop · 21/06/2019 14:04

After my son’s birth,which was quite traumatic and ended in an emergency c section, I used a service called Birth afterthoughts. A midwife came to my house with my notes and talked through what had happened. I found it very helpful as I felt I’d failed at giving birth but she talked about statistics after being induced etc. I felt better afterwards. Maybe your hospital offers a similar service ?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/06/2019 14:04

I wish i had written it down but i cant believe nobody told me!

Unfortunately I'd say that's fairly common. I "lucked" into a debrief purely because I filled in a feedback form and put my name/phone number on it because there was some positive feedback for a few staff members and I had no idea of their names so I thought if I said who I was, they could figure it out. Until then the last 12 hours of my labour/pushing/failed forceps and emergency section were one horrific blur and I had no idea what happened/why because no one came and spoke to me afterwards about it and the community midwives didn't have the full notes.

The one thing I was told on the postnatal ward (that I'd had an episiotomy when they tried the forceps) turned out to be not true.

You should be able to either ask for your notes or a debrief.

Wifeofapostie · 21/06/2019 14:05

Work21 it matters because in no other situation would someone go into hospital and have procedures and treatments carried out on them, with no explanation and then be expected to get up and get on with the rest of their lives the following day. I arranged my birth de-brief the week following discharge and had it when my daughter was 6 weeks old. I wanted to know everything.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/06/2019 14:06

Did he not have a very weird shaped head?

Usually it's very obvious when a baby has had suction applied to their soft heads.

OrchidInTheSun · 21/06/2019 14:07

Your can get all your notes on your pregnancy and birth by contacting PALS at the relevant Trust within 10 years of giving birth.

It's appalling that women aren't offered them routinely

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 21/06/2019 14:09

And he came out and i felt all proud but nobody told me that i had help

Does that knowledge make you feel less proud? It shouldn’t.

LadyRannaldini · 21/06/2019 14:09

Sounds a bit similar to me first time round, the method now is banned apparently, OH was telling someone recently that the doctor had told him that a few years earlier we would both have died. I really have no interest in childbirth, even when I was participating, yuck!

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 21/06/2019 14:10

@OrchidInTheSun

What happens to them after 10yrs? Are they destroyed? Hmm

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 21/06/2019 14:11

I'm a midwife and we would talk through the birth postnatally, or at least confirm some details Is this a newish thing? My youngest is 20 years old and I wasn't offered a postnatal discussion with any of my midwives. I think it's a good idea if this does happen, but my midwives were so generally rushed off their feet, that once the baby was born and checked over, they were off to the next one.

TherapistInATabard · 21/06/2019 14:15

You should still feel proud, it really doesn't matter if you 'had help'. And they don't pull (much) with a ventouse, it's more to twist the head into the right position. Would you say a woman who'd had a caesarean shouldn't 'feel proud'? Of course not.

It sounds pretty traumatic and like it was all a bit of a blur so it's understandable that you might have missed something. Everything turned out fine so they probably didn't see the need to give to a step-by-step breakdown of the process.

But mostly - you carried a baby to term and PUSHED IT OUT OF YOUR VAGINA with a little bit of help when the baby was in the wrong position (not your fault). You shouldn't worry about it.

SirGawain · 21/06/2019 14:15

You did not ha

Dreamingofkfc · 21/06/2019 14:17

@turnaroundwhenpossible I don't mean a full debrief but how can midwives care for you and the baby without discussing with you briefly what happened? Even postnatal visits in the community, I'd usually say something along the lines 'how was the birth, it was a ventouse....' and open up chat. I find it odd that nothing was said at all

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 21/06/2019 14:20

I had a ventouse delivery but don't really remember it, ds had got stuck and was in distress, but my overwhelming memory is of vomiting copiously throughout labour. I don't know if the mind just blocks out details, but I only know about the ventouse because he had a cone head. It can be disconcerting to find out stuff after the event, because it demonstrates that your memory isn't infallible.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 21/06/2019 14:21

My baby was delivered with the help of ventouse (I assume the suction cup he means).

And he came out and i felt all proud but nobody told me that i had help
I felt the most brilliant, cleverest person on the planet to have birthed the amazing bundle of life I held in my arms. I had wanted a nice relaxed water birth. Baby was back to back and after 32 hours in labour he wasn’t ever going to get out without assistance. It is what it is.
Don’t let this new revelation take away from the fact that you heaved a human into the world.

SirGawain · 21/06/2019 14:21

You did not have help! You gave birth and the staff did what was needful for the well-being of you and your baby. You can and should be proud of that!

Badabingbadabum · 21/06/2019 14:26

Dd1 might have had ventouse marks but she had a full head of thick, luscious hair so I couldn't see! And her head was bizarrely round - almost too round - the mw commented on it. I think it would have been completely spherical without the ventouse!

Op, you're definitely not weird for thinking about it so much though. Birth really stays with you.

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