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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have only found out about birthing my own child 6 years later!

58 replies

Fakenametodayhey · 21/06/2019 13:20

Me and DH were talking recently about when I was giving birth the first time. Baby was facing the wrong way so every time I pushed he kept sliding back in. I was pushing for 2 hours and was exhausted. Loads of doctors and nurses. About 10 people in the room. Can't really remember much except being so tired i didn't even care about the pain anymore.

I knew I had been cut open to help get him out. But DH only just told me that they had to use a suction cup and that he thought they dragged him out like a little rag doll.

I remember the midwife told me that I have to keep pushing or else the baby would die and I might die.
I remember thinking I will die then. So I missed one contraction and didnt push but then pushed so hard on the next one! And he came out and i felt all proud but nobody told me that i had help. Until now...

I remember talking to my friend who had a baby and had forceps and I told i had been cut but nothing more.

Actually i think it might have been a tear. Now i just cant remember. I wish i had written it down but i cant believe nobody told me!

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 21/06/2019 14:30

I'm a midwife and we would talk through the birth postnatally, or at least confirm some details
Er...never had this.
Ask to see your notes. Not sure if this needs to be arranged through the hospital or GP but try both. Sounds like you need to process. But it was your first baby. It's common to have assistance.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 21/06/2019 14:34

I've had three babies the last being 6 months and my births have never been discussed with me.

EdWinchester · 21/06/2019 14:35

I could not stop talking to dh in minute detail about my labours. I am sure it drove him nuts, but it was cathartic in the weeks post partum.

It does not like you need to process it, even after all these years.

EdWinchester · 21/06/2019 14:36

*sound like you need to...

elfycat · 21/06/2019 14:38

I has a similar situation with DD2 - facing the wrong way and each push just failed to move her down. I ended up with a vountouse delivery (suction cup) and a whopping episiotomy (cut) that tore beyond.

Except I knew every step, the situation was calm and matter of fact, and there was no confusion on my part. It was still a good birth with a good outcome. I still feel I birthed her. You birthed yours! The vontouse just applies a handle on the baby's head to give a bit of pull, but they wait for a contraction and you to push as there is no way they can do it without a lot of effort from the mother.

But I agree you should have known; it should have been discussed with you afterwards. I've been a HCP at complicated births and I understand that sometimes things happen fast, and consent can be a very brief and hurried thing. I think you should go and ask for a debrief with your notes explained to you, because you don't remember what happened.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 21/06/2019 14:44

Most of what I know of my first birth is cobbled together from my flashbacks, reading my notes at the end of the bed on the postnatal-ward, the patient held discharge notes and a couple of recollections from DH.

My low risk birth ended up in HDU after 2 hours of pushing, failed ventous (poor DS had a purple cone-head) and EMCS. Very little explanation of anything along the way. I remember being told to just sign the CS form when I attempted to read it. A debrief would have saved me a lot of anger and upset between then and the birth of DS2.

A lot of trauma is saved by feeling informed about what is happening. Second time, we ended up in theatre for a toss up between forceps/ EMCS again while pushing, but just small things like the MW bending down to my ear to gently tell me that she was about to press the button and the room was about to get very busy makes such a difference to half the world ploughing in for no apparent reason.

Poor DS was very purple afterwards, but I felt so relieved that after 2 long rounds of attempting to push babies, one had actually used the main exit!

Thursday452poh · 21/06/2019 14:57

Mine says in my little boys red book with his discharge paperwork so I would imagine yours does as well. If it doesn’t I’d be asking some questions!

OrchidInTheSun · 21/06/2019 16:40

I think they're archived smellbow. But then I guess they can't keep all the records forever. My folder is about 3 inches thick!

maidenover · 21/06/2019 17:01

My maternity notes had that they needed to be kept for 25 years written on them. Not sure if it’s a policy that varies by trust though.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 21/06/2019 17:05

I had a ventouse delivery, similar circumstances to you, but they called it a kiwi, I just kept asking DH if they meant the bird or the fruit....

Friedspamfritters · 21/06/2019 17:35

My first was also like that facing the wrong way so wasn't coming out essily (although not as much of an emergency). I also had a suction thing. I don't think I noticed it much either (I also had a doctor pushing down on my tummy from above which I remember much more as it really hurt). I think birth is weird and my memory of it is quite blurred so I can see how this happened.

TheDarkPassenger · 21/06/2019 17:41

I didn’t know I’d done a shit in the pool til oh told me when our daughter was about 3. You would think you would remember taking a shit but nope must have slid right out. He said the midwife scooped it up. Poor lass.

It’s easy to forget things I think I blocked some of my first’s birth out even though it was a straightforward fast delivery, I was young and it was incredibly traumatic to me

Soubriquet · 21/06/2019 17:41

Completely off topic here but it’s nice to see people not really remembering their births either

Dh is always shocked when I mention that I couldn’t hear anything when I was in the pushing stage. Yes I’m deaf, but he was shouting at me to push (as I genuinely couldn’t hear the midwife) yet I still couldn’t really hear him as such.

I was in so much pain and lost in the fog of pain that I was pushing when I shouldn’t have been (my body was automatically pushing) and no amount of him raising his voice was getting through

Wale90 · 21/06/2019 18:34

I recently requested all of my notes from my c section, it has a minute by minute account of the procedure and all other notes until I was discharged.

A Google search for your local health authority along with medical notes should point you in the right direction.

QueSera · 21/06/2019 19:16

My daughter was born by ventouse and there were no visible indications at all. It was a total blur of pain and exhaustion, and I think I blacked out towards the end.
You should be proud OP! please don't let a little ventouse assistance take anything away from you.

Original poster
Fakenametodayhey · 22/06/2019 15:38

@Soubriquet i couldnt hear anything at all either and i had tunnel vision too. I can't believe hpw much i missed

OP posts:
imnotcheryl · 22/06/2019 16:24

My birth was a blur too. Days in labour with the baby facing the wrong way. Failed to progress. Being wheeled out and told I was having a c section but it wasn't an emergency, which I later found out it was. I was in so much pain I just wanted it over.

newmomof1 · 22/06/2019 16:36

@Dreamingofkfc Even postnatal visits in the community, I'd usually say something along the lines 'how was the birth, it was a ventouse....' and open up chat

I had visits from 3 different CMW (discharged on 3rd visit) and none of them knew anything about the birth at all. If I hadn't have known, we'd have been stuck.

The hospital midwives were very good but I was lucky and had a very straight forward birth so was pretty aware of what was going on and was able to absorb all the information throughout labour

foreverhanging · 22/06/2019 17:20

Sorry haven't read all replies but I requested my notes to be sent to me by my hospital trust. They had a page on their website, I had to email and they sent me a form and I sent this back in and then within 2 weeks I had my entire notes copied and sent back to me in the post.

keepingbees · 22/06/2019 17:35

My first baby was ventouse too, it was written in his discharge notes, red book and even on his hospital I.D band. It should be noted down somewhere.
I don't remember much about my first birth either. Or much about my other two much nicer births really. I think you just go into the zone.

Ashleighc01 · 22/06/2019 20:31

@foreverhanging who did you email to request these? X

foreverhanging · 22/06/2019 20:44

@Ashleighc01 their title was records access officer. If you google your local trust name (or trust your midwives were under) and 'access notes' or 'record access' then it should come up with the department to email. I've screenshot the page for my old trust.

To have only found out about birthing my own child 6 years later!
Ashleighc01 · 22/06/2019 20:47

@foreverhanging thank you 😀 x

Longdistance · 22/06/2019 20:52

Well, I knew my placenta was stuck as the umbilical cord snapped on delivery and that they were going to take me to theatre to take it out. What I didn’t know was that when I was birthing dd1, she was fast. Only on reading my notes pg with dd2 I found out that dd1’s umbilical cord was only 15cm long. No wonder my placenta was stuck 🤔

Sandybval · 22/06/2019 20:54

I have no idea what happened in the latter part of my labour and the actual birth, I know there was someone in theatre telling me what was going on (and I signed something beforehand), but I was so out of it I'm not sure exactly what! I avoided reading my notes before handing them in, but there is a service they offer in which they can go through and explain things; does your trust offer this? Would it be something you would find helped? I also asked my partner not to talk about it until I was ready (unless he needed support), it can be tough. Don't let the fact that they were used make you feel any less proud of the amazing feat your body achieved though!