To request a photo ban at my wedding?

[Psychologika]

I am seriously thinking of asking people not to take photos of meat my upcoming wedding. For context, I am very overweight, which has happened over the past couple
Of years. Historically I have suffered with anorexia, and up until the last couple of years I have been fit and slim.

The wedding is very small, just DPs family and mine, with close friends coming to the pub after (second marriage for us both).

I'm absolutely dreading the wedding atm because I feel that I will be embarrassed by how I look, and I will have these photographs in perpetuity. The thought of them being on social media makes me feel sick.

Of course I'm happy for everyone to take photos of everyone else, just not of me. AIBU to request no photos of me and absolutely none on Facebook?

asking people not to take photos of meat

Vegetarian wedding?

OP - please for one day can you forget about your weight. You're marrying the man you love surrounded by people who love and like you. Enjoy the ceremony and the celebrations afterwards. You will regret not being in the photos. Perfectly reasonable to ask people not to post pics on FB though as I hate oversharing!

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. Taking photographs of people and posting them on fb is intrusive. Perhaps you could have photos taken of both your faces. I doubt however you are as overweight as you think.

I have always hated having my photo taken anyway and avoided it all my life.

Please don't, I never got a video of my wedding and I really regret it now. I also thought my photos were awful but now I look back I look young and happy. It's so hard to remember your wedding day as it goes by in a flash so I'd say take loads of photos. You don't need to ever look at them but you have them there.
It's also not just your day. Your husband to be clearly doesn't think badly of how you look and he should gave the ability to remind him of the day he married you. I'm not going to say anything about how you should or shouldn't feel about your appearance as its not going to change your feelings, but I will say, try to forget about everything once your day arrives. If you can laugh on your wedding day even if you end up wet and muddy, then you'll still have the best day of your life than if you worry about every detail, including what you look like. Nothing is important except the two of you enjoying your day of union. Don't ban photos!

You are not unreasonable to ask

However, I have never seen an ugly bride. They always glow with utter joy and happiness and look incredibly beautiful.

Honestly, the chubbiest bride outshines everyone on her wedding day.

The people that are coming love you for who you are, they want to share that with you and takin photos is a way to make memories

Actually, I'd want to ban it during the ceremony just because I wouldn't want loads of guests holding their phones for photos.

I think it's perfectly fair to ask not to post on FB. Anyone should ask permission from people they share photos of anyway.
Remind them that they need this permission and I'd make it a joint request with the groom, so it's not about you.

You can request people to warn you when they take photos of you instead of banning them. It's nice to have photos with friends and family, but this way you could have some control how you present yourself.

OP, before I got married I was freaking out that I (and what I wore) would be centre of attention and I was too fat and blah blah blah.

My sister pointed out that everyone that was there already knew what I looked like and loved me anyway.

Photos happened, i don’t have any of them on display, but I like having them.

Honestly, a ban on putting photos on social media, yes. But you will really regret having no photos of you on your wedding day. Given your history of anorexia I'm certain you are no where near as large as your body dismorphia will have you believe. One day, maybe many years from now, you will really regret not having those photos OP.

I think you can reasonably ask people not to upload pics to SM (have been to weddings where this was explicitly requested- not an issue), but not sure how reasonable, or enforceable, it is to expect people not to take any of you. I think you might cause yourself unnecessary stress if you become too preoccupied with this. Hope you enjoy your day.

I'm a wedding photographer and would really recommend reportage, unposed wedding photographs.Pay for only an hour of a good photographers time and ban all other photos.If you're happy and relaxed it'll show in the photos.

You’re not unreasonable to request it - for my first wedding we did the same and it was mostly out of respect for the photographer to have their shots shared first (if at all). People need to understand not everyone wants their events splattered all across social media! No one cared at our wedding except my SIL who was desperate to post her selfies which I didn’t care much about since none of them were of us or the wedding anyway lol

do you think though if you mananged to fully recover from your ed that one day you mihgt just see you in these photos not your weight.
i say this because its such a special day and right now your body and disorder are making it miserable about this issue.but in the future fingers crossed youll be able to just be you and with all the wishes in the world fully recovered so wont care of your weight and just be thankful youve got a memory log of the day.
photos at the wedding are so important to people hun.they capture your light,the smiles,the connections and this light joy around people seeing two people in love.i think and yes its just my opinion it might make you sad not to have those in the future.and its another stick to beat yourself with(or the illness to) for you "not even being able to have photos on your big day you bad person"

Lots of couples request that no photos are taken at their weddings as they don't want them shared on social media. Are you having a photographer at all to take photos of you and Dh? If your guests are family and close friends simply tell them that you don't want any photos taken, so they can feel free to leave their phones down and cameras at home. If they do want to take photos of each other so be it but you don't have to partake.

Sandy wow what a bloody unhelpful thing to say.this goes far deeper than being a weight issue.and saying things like this around someone with an eating disorder/history of can be really really damaging.

You could ask people to not to post on social media rather than not to take photos.

Aw congratulations and I do sympathise with you - but if you can just try and let it go and enjoy your day - you’ll look back on those photos and you will look more beautiful than you remember in the present moment. It will be more trouble than it’s worth trying to ban photos. Hopefully on the day there will be so much going on that you’ll be able to put it out of your mind.

I banned videos at my wedding, family respected it although two sets of friends did bring video cameras. My mum got really annoyed with me because I refused to watch the videos, but I did say I didn't want them there!

Photos I think are different and you will regret not having anything at all. Maybe the hour of reportage as a pp said would work really well. And have a wonderful day.

It's a different scenario, but I was green with norovirus on my wedding day (I wonder how many guests I passed it onto- an unresolvable source of guilt for me). Anyway, I was an absolute mess on my wedding day and wouldn't look at photos of me for years. I look back at them now and although I see the tinge of noro in my eyes, I am sad because I don't look like that younger, happier bride now. Despite the noro, it was a happy day and I didn't look too bad. I'm older, crustier, and now I look like I have norovirus every day... it's like I have a resting noroface.

You don't have to have any photos. Because actually, how often do I look at my wedding photos? Never. It's all stored in my brain. That's where I revisit that day. Still, have one photo taken, just for you, at least. So many people who love you will be there. And in ten years' time, one or more of those people who came to wish you well on your wedding day may not be here anymore. In this way, photos are wonderful. I know it's really hard to get past our feelings on how we look. But for this occasion, maybe for one or two snaps, you might be able to try.
I can relate to how you feel though, entirely.
I dread meeting up with people for lunch because I really don't want to end up with some shitty photo of me on Facebook stuffing my haggard, exhausted, prematurely aged face. I wish people would stop the stream of photojournalism celebrating every waking moment of their mundane lives and posting it everywhere.

I'd go along with just asking people don't share photos.
I'd be a bit sad to not have any photos to help me remember being part of the wedding day of some dear friends, but totally understand if people don't want those photos spread far and wide x

Very selfish and unkind post @SandyY2K.
OP, ban the photos but please do get a professional photographer. You don’t have to look at them when they come, but one day when you feel more accepting of yourself you will be glad you had them done.

Certainly request not to be shared on Social Media, but don't stress about the photos themselves.

I've been married 26 years and I still enjoy looking at my pictures from time to time, in fact I've stopped sharing pictures on SM at all and started making albums again. My mum hates having her photo taken for the same reason as you, but lets us because you have a different perspective on these things as you get older and you appreciate the photos for the memories. Your children and grandchildren will want to see what you looked like on your wedding day. They will judge how pretty and happy you looked, not your weight.

Also my cousin was very ill not long after her wedding with a brain injury, she has no memory of the wedding at all but really appreciates that connection she has to it from all the photographs.

Op I am very overweight and was when I married DH in 2016 (second for us too).

Please don't worry. People coming love you for you.

A ban on social media posting is fine though.