To request a photo ban at my wedding?

[Psychologika]

I am seriously thinking of asking people not to take photos of meat my upcoming wedding. For context, I am very overweight, which has happened over the past couple
Of years. Historically I have suffered with anorexia, and up until the last couple of years I have been fit and slim.

The wedding is very small, just DPs family and mine, with close friends coming to the pub after (second marriage for us both).

I'm absolutely dreading the wedding atm because I feel that I will be embarrassed by how I look, and I will have these photographs in perpetuity. The thought of them being on social media makes me feel sick.

Of course I'm happy for everyone to take photos of everyone else, just not of me. AIBU to request no photos of me and absolutely none on Facebook?

Let them take pictures with the understanding that you don't want to see them. Maybe in the future you will want to look back, and you'll be glad the pictures are there. I'm so pleased I have a picture of me and my son just after he was born, even though I look disgusting and was very overweight (still am)
The precious moments in life are about more than what you look like.

@SandyY2K

Some people don't get married for the party or for the photos.

The OP wants to get married but she has hang ups (more than previously) about her weight.

Of course you should get married regardless.
And you should have photos regardless too.
And it's fine to have some control about how you present yourself in the photos and where they are put.

Your DH loves you and you love him.

Have the photos taken and ask hi to hide them from you. You'll almost certainly want to look at them some day.

As PP said. Your friends already know what you look like, and (I would add), people on SM who don't know you don't care what you look like.

I would let them snap away and to hell with it.

I went to the wedding of a friend who requested the same thing.

She was very anti-photos of herself anyway, always had been, so it wasn't a surprise - but she threatened to refuse to let us come to the wedding if we were found with photographic equipment in our bags! (this was before the days of everyone having mobile phones)

As it happened, I did have a camera with me because her wedding was abroad, where she was living, and I was there for more than just her wedding - but it had to stay in my bag during the wedding. I was fine with this because she was my friend and I knew she didn't like photos.

If people care enough about you, they will do what you ask. So ask them.

OP, congratulations on your wedding. Your OH is marrying you because he loves you and accepts you how you are, and guests are coming because they care and won't to celebrate with you, not judge you.

I totally understand why you don't want anything on social media and agree with that. I do think guests will be disappointed though, also your OH. In years to come you'll won't have any photos of everyone who came, your dress, you OH looking so happy (and he will be) and I think you'll regret that. Also, as said children and grandchildren will want to the photos.

Is there some sort of compromise, someone who you trust taking a few of you and DH on your own in private, perhaps a group photo and a couple of agreed shots they can take.

If you look around no one is perfect, I've got horrible shaped teeth, but it didn't stop me having a lovely day and smiling. Go out and enjoy your day.

YANBU to ask for a photo ban at your wedding- its YOUR wedding, you decide on what to do

However, YABU to be worried and self-conscious about your weight on your wedding day. This will be one of the most special and important days of your life, please don't look back on it in years to come and have memories of feeling like shit because you was conscious of what you looked like.

You will make a stunning and beautiful bride. Please try and put it to the back of your mind for your wedding day. Enjoy the moment. You'll look back and regret if you didn't

Requesting no-one puts any of you on social media is reasonable. I think a total photo ban is advertising your insecurities. I would just say DH to be & I want a lovely relaxed wedding so will not be posing for photos as we would rather be chatting with you down the pub.

He loves you for who you are and it would be sad to have not a single photo, it doesn't have to go on social media or in a frame but in years to come you might well treasure it.

I think it’s fine to ask for no photos on social media.
I think asking for none at all of you will draw attention to how you’re feeling and as others say you may feel differently in future.

(As it happens I don’t particularly like looking at my wedding pics though I’m glad I have them. I am overweight and am accepting of this now but for my wedding I lost a significant amount of weight - put it all on again straight after pretty much - and just don’t look like me at all!)

I was a size 22 when I got married. I looked beautiful.

Get your hair done nicely, get your makeup done nicely, have lovely flowers and fuck it all.

Have a wonderful day.

Some of the loveliest pics from my wedding are ones my guests took.

Of course you can ask but family are of course going to want photos. So what about asking for no photos to be put on social media but banning any photos isn’t really going to work.

Presumably your getting married as you love your partner and want to spend your life together so won’t you want a photo of the day?

I’m another one that’s never seen an ugly bride, they are always glowing with happiness. All women ( and a lot of men) have body hang ups for one reason or another nobody feels 100% happy with what boy they have

Thank you all for your kind and helpful comments. I think, actually, it is the fear of being ridiculed on social media (reasonable or not) that I'm most worried about. Maybe just a request not to have them on Facebook will be enough.

To those that are asking my bmi is sadly 30.

I got married before the days of mobile phones and social media and refused to have photos done. No problem with body image, just didn't see the point of photos - still don't although I had to give in and have one done for my passport! Absolutely no regrets.

Oh OP, I feel for you but you will honestly regret it. I hate hate hate photos of me for the exact same reason but I love my wedding photos. I just look so happy. I love looking at them, I even display some in the house! I don't see the weight, I see the sheer happiness on our faces, the pay off of all the effort it took to plan and the great time everyone was having.

I really think you will regret not having photos in the years to come and that it would be unfair on your partner to have no photographic memories of you and your family together on your special day. If you don't want them shared on social media say that.

It's your friends and family who know you already. A photo isn't going to change anything.

your bmi is not you hun.nor your relationship.nor your love.nor your kindnessyour thoughtfullness nor your sensitive soul.i know thats easier said than done to think these things.but the demons in your head telling you the other just arent true.and its such a nasty cruel illness you had im sure you know that.dont let its triggers or demons suck you back into feeling shit about yourself.your worth mroe than this.so many people are coming to see you.the lady they care and lvoe and cherish.and your fiance too.how would you see yoursel through their eyes.what would they say to all the fears and slef hate thoughts you have.what would you say to another bride having the thoughts you do.
i think you sound beautiful.so gentle and a thoughtful person.and i bet youll love bloody awesome.let that shine through.giggle and prance and show em what your made of.
soooo much easier said than done i know.
your bmi is 30.i couldnt give to flying fucks hun becasue all i see in this post is a woman about to be married and that fantastic.and a woman who cares too much.and doesnt think enough of herself.
you can blanket ban social media posting i thin kthat perfectly reasonable.
your weight may or might not change inthe future.love wont.marriage wont.this is your big day.

I’m so pleased you’ve changed your mind. I think you’re right to ask for no social media posting but you’d so regret not having photos. Have a lovely day, hope the sun shines. 💐

while a BMI is overweight it is not obese or morbidly obese loads of people have BMI of 30+ doesn't seen to stop Sandi Toksvig, Dawn French etc looking good
nearly 50% of adults are overweight, doesn't stop them enjoying themselves getting married etc
you will regret the no photos there are plenty of nice clothes in sizes 16-20 just smile and enjoy yourself and your wedding
I know you have previous history but really consider counselling as you don't need to hide yourself or be ashamed that you are happy
my sister is very overweight but we would never not take pictures she has lovely hair a beautiful smile and is really kind
you are not your weight or shape it is your personality that matters that is why DP wants you to be his wife
just ask for no social media postings

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I don't have your history in terms of eating disorders, but the idea of people taking photos of me at any moment would make it hard for me to relax!

As above, I'd suggest a professional photographer who has a style you like, booked for a limited amount of time to get a few key shots.

I like the idea of a wedding where everyone doesn't have their phone out.

I felt the same but in the end got a professional photographer to come for a basic package and actually, I am glad I did. Not only for the pictures of us (which were in a relaxed style and therefore mostly showed us at my best) but also the people who came, particularly family (including lovely ones of my late Dad).

I didn’t look at them for years but now, I am glad I have them. The photographer put me at ease and because he was there other people didn’t worry that much about taking photos. As a result I’ve seen hardly any of the others. Please don’t think about your weight, everyone will just want to come and be happy with you

I think definitely a social media ban. I don't understand this obsession with documenting everything on social media.

Guests can take some lovely photos though. Also, if you're having a photographer then things can go wrong. You may need their photos.

You could also do photo opportunities and ask them to only take photos during those times. People can become intrusive with their phones.

Remember, everyone there cares about you. They all think you're wonderful and wouldn't change you. Enjoy you're day and forget about everything else. I can guarantee you will look amazing!

Showed us at our best... DH that is Having said that he got flu the week before so looks a bit white!

OP - if you don't want photos, because it will make you unhappy or anxious during the day, then don't have photos. It is not unreasonable AT ALL.

I hate being the centre of attention and I found my wedding a strain full stop, we didn't have professional photographs, but a couple of friends are artists and took a few low key pics.

Do you really have any friends on Facebook who would laugh at you? Defriend them if you do. I sympathise because I'm very overweight, I don't love my wedding photos but I do love how happy I look in them and you'll be happy too

You will regret this in my opinion! You could ask people to just not post pictures on social media. Today you may not want photos of yourself but in 30years time (i dont know how old you are) you may feel sad there are no photos of you wedding! You may look back and wish you were as fat now as you thought you was then! What about your husband he wont have any photos with you, what about when you die and your family have no photos to look at of you on your special day, there will be no record or memory of it apart from in your head. I think you ened to have photos 'just incase' even if you dont get them out and look at them you may one day look back fondly and not feel that you looked overweight. When is the wedding could you not try and lose some weight by then to make you feel better.