Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be fed up of maternity leave?

77 replies

ItsJustNoise · 21/06/2019 07:24

That's it really. I'm over 6 months in and much as I love and adore my DD, I'm finding mat leave increasingly difficult. The groups and coffee meet ups are superficial conversations, my friends work 9-5 so days are left for me and DD. I'm becoming increasingly resentful of DH going to work and seriously considering not having a second DC unless he does the parental leave next time. My job is a professional one, demanding and requires some difficult decisions but really engages my brain. It's tough going at times but I find myself missing it. OTOH I am aware its difficult to fully understand how may leave is impacting me and I may look back on this period after being at work for a few days and long for it all over again.

I'd love to hear other peoples experiences of mat leave and how they felt once it was over. I still have 5 months left to go.

OP posts:

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 21/06/2019 07:27

I missed my job and the challenges but at only a month back, I’m finding the lack of sleep and ability to go back to bed tricky. I can understand why so many parents want to do part time as I miss the days out and classes together. But the proper adult conversation not related to baby is great!

Redken24 · 21/06/2019 07:28

Could you do Some kit days?

Preggosaurus9 · 21/06/2019 07:29

Go back to work sooner then! I did 8 months, that was enough

Bouncebacker · 21/06/2019 07:29

Just go back early if it’s not suiting you! You don’t have to take the full time you said you were going to!

I loved mine, so much so that I didn’t go back after my second. But if hanging out with a baby isn’t your idea of fun, no body is making you do it! Just find a good Nanny! So YANBU not to like it, but YABU not to
Do something about it

Redken24 · 21/06/2019 07:29

Are you making enough time for yourself?

RickAstleyGaveMeUp · 21/06/2019 07:29

Mat leave can be painfully lonely and dull. Do you have childcare sorted if you were to go back earlier than planned? Why not try a few KIT days to see how you feel?

mrsed1987 · 21/06/2019 07:30

Im also 6 months in. I love being off and I am actually dreading going back to work, cant imagine leaving my LO with a stranger.

Settlersofcatan · 21/06/2019 07:30

Why not go back to work early?

I would not have enjoyed a full year off so shared the leave with my DH.

I did a lot of pottering about doing things like art galleries and museums, also meeting my real friends for lunch near their workplaces as I wasn't that keen on the baby group thing either

RickAstleyGaveMeUp · 21/06/2019 07:32

If the issue is not having time for herself the OP isn't going to get more of it if she's out of the house 9+ hours a day working and commuting then looking after their baby evenings and weekends.

I did find it very difficult going back to work after mat leave just because I was so fucking tired.

Shylo · 21/06/2019 07:32

Maternity leave is up to a year, you don’t have to take the whole thing ...... if you’re ready to go back to work go back now. I went back after 4 months with my first child and 7 months worth my second, I’ve never regretted either decision

Daisychainsandglitter · 21/06/2019 07:33

I was exactly the same as you OP. I found the adjustment really difficult to cope with and I too felt really resentful of DH.
Although I wouldn't say I enjoyed it the second time around it wasn't nearly so bad as DD1 was three so I was forced to get out of the house and take her to playgroups and she was also company for me the days she wasn't at nursery.
For me however I like the routine and challenges of work and the company. And the fact that I'm me for 8 hours of the day. I think it makes me much more patient with my DD's and I certainly enjoy the time I have off with them much more than when I was home on mat leave.
I know that the last five months seem a long way off but they will go by in a flash and I guarantee when you're back at work it will very soon seem like a distant memory.
If you are finding it that tough could you shorten your leave to something like 9 months?

Fyette · 21/06/2019 07:35

I took only 11 weeks, and was already happy to go back (parttime though). Everyone is different and every fourth trimester is different so no - YANBU.

DonnaDarko · 21/06/2019 07:36

You know you don't have to take the whole year, you just need to give your company notice of when you want to return. I only took 7 months off, althoug it was mainly due to finances

Sceptre86 · 21/06/2019 07:40

I felt much the same the first time. Once I had recovered from my c section fully dd and I went to a few groups but I found them cliquey and competitive. I then found groups my dd really enjoyed and did more of them instead. I made effort to keep up to date with developments in my field whilst she slept when she was in a routine after about 6 months. I then fell pregnant and so went back to work earlier than intended. I was back 5 months before my second mat leave which was a much better experience. The difference between the first and second mat leave was I needed more time to recover, had two babies so was a lot more busy, my day would go so very quickly. I still took both kids to groups but narrowed it down to two a week. However I would get out with them every day for 15 minutes in our garden even, we visited my family ( first time round I felt isolated), dh and I did quite a few weekends away on cheap deals which is not normally p ossible as I work weekends. My dh was very aware of how I found mat leave mind numbing the first time so encouraged and supported me more, he would take over with the kids as soon as he got in especially if I had a difficult day. This was a huge advantage as honestly I felt like I was very close to pnd the first time as I genuinely and unhappy a lot of the time.

I would definitely talk to your dh about it, maybe find other ways to fill your day. For example, going to the gym ( use the creche for lo), home improvements, take up a hobby ( I baked shed loads). Hope things improve for you x

BarryBarryTaylor · 21/06/2019 07:41

It can be very lonely and dare I say it, boring. My daughter was a dream, she fed, she slept, hardly cried, I couldn’t wait to return to work. As I work from home, I actually went back early.
As your Dd is 6mnths, could you look into a childminder/nursery for one day a week so you could go back to work gradually?

Gatoadigrado · 21/06/2019 07:42

I only had 3 months off first time. That was how long ML was back then! Tbh it was tough returning to work with a bf baby of 12 weeks, but having said that, I don’t think I’d have wanted a whole year off work... maybe 6 months would have been a happy medium. Long enough, but not so long that you get completely out of the work loop. I also think that starting to leave a baby in childcare at age 1 is perhaps the hardest time because it’s when separation anxiety peaks so it’s arguable that it’s easier for the child to be used to another carer before then.

I think YAB a little U because this is a scenario where the solution is completely in your hands. Arrange an earlier return.

Isatis · 21/06/2019 07:42

Go back early. I went back to work when DD was 5 months old; in DS's case, for financial reasons it was at 3 months. I didn't regret it.

SherlockSays · 21/06/2019 07:43

I also missed it and seriously considered going back early. I started doing my KIT days at that point - I had 10 so did a few a month until I returned at 10 months. This massively helped with the everyday drudgery of leave.

That being said, the final 6 weeks of maternity leave were basically me crying about going back to work and leaving DD at nursery. I got over it in a day though and have been back 8 weeks now and I love it.

Is there any reason you can't go back now? Maybe even as a phased return seeing as you shouldn't be back yet anyway.

Firefly111 · 21/06/2019 07:46

I second doing some KIT days, I’ve been feeling the same and it’s helped a lot! Also as PP’s have said why not consider going back sooner?

Margotshypotheticaldog · 21/06/2019 07:47

I enjoyed my first maternity leave, not so much the second. I remember I felt like a prisoner in my own home, and had huge resentment that dh could just Swan in and out whenever he liked. It's definitely not for everyone. I went back full-time initially, then part time for the baby years, will be back full time next year

Moomooboo · 21/06/2019 07:55

Nothing to add but feel very similar.
I have been off since October - and itching to go back to work! I do go back in July but as I’m a teacher I then have the summer holidays but that will be better because my partner will be off too!

It makes me feel guilty that I’m not enjoying the time - my DS is adopted and he’s amazing and a relatively easy and calm and wonderful child.... and I know so many people that are desperate to have a child and I know that I am so lucky. But at the same time I’d like to feel a little bit more challenged...!

I just feel every day at the moment is “how do I get to nap time... how do I make sure he’s tired... is it raining? No? Go to the park.”

I am starting a new job in September in a new school and I’m going in with my DS today to visit and I’m so excited! I fully we’ll know after a week I’ll be begging to be off again, but right now - I want to feel busy!!!

SmellBowShellBow · 21/06/2019 07:57

I didn't feel like this as I quite enjoyed my maternity leave with my DC but understand the cycle of routine at that age being monotonous at times. I second the posters about doing some KIT days to break it up a bit. Also, at 6 months in, there's not a lot going on yet. Over the next couple of months to 1 year, your DD will start to get more interesting and develop quite quickly in a short period of time, for me that's when it was really hard to go back to work as it was the point I enjoyed DC's time much more.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 21/06/2019 08:01

You don't have to be off for the full year! I get a very good maternity package for the first 6 months, then very little money after that, so I've decided to just take 6 months off. I'm going back (part-time) in a couple of weeks and I feel ready - my baby sleeps through the night so I feel well-rested, I'm no longer BF, and my baby is showing interest in socialising with other children, so I think he's ready for nursery.

If you can arrange childcare, you could go back earlier than planned. It's OK. It doesn't make you a bad mother to want some external stimulation. I love my baby and I'm enjoying motherhood much more than I expected, but it's OK to want to work too.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2019 08:02

I loved my first mat leave. Best year of my life. The world was my oyster. I strapped my dd to me, and had a year long holiday. We travelled to different countries, we went for long walks, I did more museums and days out, I read, I watched a lot of movies, made lots of genuine friends who are still my friends now. I recognise now, having joined mumsnet, that I was lucky to have the compliant baby, and finances.
Do what you want to do.

Lauren83 · 21/06/2019 08:08

I'm the same whilst I love my time with DS I found it hard, I took 6 months off but started KIT days from 3 months and did 30 KIT days in the last 3 months, DS is 17 months and having DS2 on Monday (start mat leave tomorrow) So plan on doing the same

Flip

1 2 3 4