Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be fed up of maternity leave?

77 replies

ItsJustNoise · 21/06/2019 07:24

That's it really. I'm over 6 months in and much as I love and adore my DD, I'm finding mat leave increasingly difficult. The groups and coffee meet ups are superficial conversations, my friends work 9-5 so days are left for me and DD. I'm becoming increasingly resentful of DH going to work and seriously considering not having a second DC unless he does the parental leave next time. My job is a professional one, demanding and requires some difficult decisions but really engages my brain. It's tough going at times but I find myself missing it. OTOH I am aware its difficult to fully understand how may leave is impacting me and I may look back on this period after being at work for a few days and long for it all over again.

I'd love to hear other peoples experiences of mat leave and how they felt once it was over. I still have 5 months left to go.

OP posts:

SignedUpJust4This · 21/06/2019 13:20

Sorry to hear that svrt. That's shit. Every woman should be entitled to at least a year and it's their choice whether to take it or not. I hope your LO is doing better.

NEtoN10 · 21/06/2019 13:22

Do you live in an area where there is a good diversity of activities? I go to bring your baby stand up comedy, ted-talks, yoga, cinema, baby broadway - there's tons on. Have you checked hoop?

I do work on the side for the family business so it keeps my brain engaged... is there anything like that you could do? Voluntary or training just to keep you stimulated before you go back?

I love mat leave but I do make a lot of effort to vary up my days as I don't live near family it's important for me to keep busy.

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 21/06/2019 14:06

I felt the same as you, but I did go back to work at 6 months. DH and I did shared parental leave and he took the next 3 months. I got to go back to work without worrying about DS (as he was with his daddy), while DH and DS had a fun 3 months together. Since the 9 month mark DS has been in nursery 3 days a week and I have 2 days a week annual leave, which I'm doing until he is 1 and then he'll go to nursery full time. And actually because it's only 2 days a week, I am enjoying my days off with him so much more than when it was all day every day.

I'm not sure how far in advance it has to be organised, but could you give up some of your remaining leave to your DH? Or at least think about doing it next time round. I felt SO much better when I went back to work. I'm definitely not cut out for being a full time parent!

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 21/06/2019 14:07

Oh and FYI when I returned to work I didn't regret my decision, I really enjoyed it. It felt like I got to be "me" again and I didn't feel guilty because DS was with DH. I feel more guilty now, ha!

NewAccount270219 · 21/06/2019 14:20

svrt19674 I'm sorry you're having a hard time but how do you think being made to feel guilty - which she clearly already does - will help the OP? It just seems to unhelpful to come on here and tell her to be grateful.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 21/06/2019 16:39

Let us know how it goes OP

TheDarkPassenger · 21/06/2019 17:44

It’s a shame you can’t break it up. My daughter was about 18 months and suddenly decided sleep was never on her agenda. I would have killed for my extra 4 months off then (I went back early too!)

Frankola · 21/06/2019 18:51

Mat leave is what you make of it. I was like this at first but then I decided to see it as what it was, time with my dd I wont get back.

Here's some tips that might help - try a new hobby you can do with dd around (or not if you can get a sitter for an hour or two a week), make some new friends that are your kind of people and sign up for loads of baby classes.

I did all of the above. Now I'm back at work (I'm in a really demanding job too) I have maintained my friendships and also my hobby as much as I can.

In fact. I've actually dropped to a 4 day week, which is something I never thought I'd do.

I hope that helps.

SignedUpJust4This · 21/06/2019 19:31

Frankola its not so easy with the second & third when your days are spent ferrying the older ones to & fro. My first mat leave wS definitely more enjoyable than my second

SignedUpJust4This · 21/06/2019 19:34

Also I have plenty of hobbies none of which are baby friendly. I hate baby groups and being forced to make friends with people you have nothing in common with other than your ability to procreate. It seems these groups appeal to some women but most of my friends hate them and only attend to keep baby entertained for a couple of hours.

Blankiefan · 21/06/2019 19:35

Go back. Bank the cash you wouldn't have had and load in some unpaid parental leave when DC is older.

I went back after 6 months which saves my sanity. I couldn't have rowed another fucking boat down the shore if you'd paid me.

Dd is 5 and I'm taking 2 weeks parental leave over the Summer. Really looking forward to doing fun stuff with her.

Rarfy · 21/06/2019 19:36

I totally sympathise with this. My dd is almost 6 months and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't want to leave her i would be back at work already.

I find there is a pattern every week where it really really gets to me. Monday cos it's the start of a long week just me and dd.

Tuesday and Thursday because dp doesn't get in until 8 which means I am on the go until 9pm from about 6 / 7am with no break in between.

I love baby groups but I get bored talking about my own dd sometimes and I feel that's all we all talk about - the kids. What they've eat, what they've done, what their shit is like.

To top it off dp constantly jokes it's a holiday although I do think he thinks I've had it easy and doesn't help out much at home because he's been at 'work'.

WhenZogateSuperworm · 21/06/2019 19:38

In the opposite. I’m 3 months in to my mat leave and never want it to end. I was the same with DS1- didn’t want to go back to work and was quite happy spending all day with my baby.

Ribrabrob · 21/06/2019 19:39

People who don't have a purpose or feel they can't have a fulfilled life without working (money issues aside) strike me as awfully dull.

You have the opportunity for some time off work to do as you wish - try and make the most of if. Parenting and maternity leave doesn't have to be a chore you know

definitelyshouldknowbetter · 21/06/2019 19:41

I absolutely bloody hated it after about 5months, once I felt I’d recovered fork the birth and settled into a routine I was bored shitless at home! There’s not much variety if things to do where I am and the groups that were on really didn’t appeal to me, I didn’t feel that I fit it as they were all mums who jst wanted to talk about their babies for the entire 90mins!
I went back to work at 9 months instead of taking the year as planned and it was the best thing for me mentally, I missed the routine of work and the social interaction.

When he turned about two and was more interesting was when I would have loved to be at home more with him but you can’t have everything and being at work makes you appreciate the time you do have at home with them

pandarific · 21/06/2019 19:45

I have gelled with a mum group, so that's made it a great experience, I'm 7 months in.

We're renovating our house and so I do all the wife work at the moment to free DH up to do diy. audiobooks are the best thing ever, I go through them while I cook and clean, makes it more 'me' time than if not.

museumum · 21/06/2019 19:51

I run my own business so could plan my own return to work. At 6mo I started doing 3x 6hr days. It was ideal. Still time with dc morning and evening but also got some balance back and started really really enjoying and appreciating my days “off” with dc. I went up to 3x8h dats at a year then 4x8h days after about 18mo.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/06/2019 19:52

I know exactly how you feel OP. I went back after 8 months. I’m on my second bout now and I’m recovering from birth right now but hoping it’ll be different when I get Back on my feet as I have my older child to settle into school in September

Passthecherrycoke · 21/06/2019 19:54

Ribrabrob neither does working have to be a chore. You sound like a SAHM with a chip on their shoulder

NewAccount270219 · 21/06/2019 20:14

In the opposite. I’m 3 months in to my mat leave and never want it to end. I was the same with DS1- didn’t want to go back to work and was quite happy spending all day with my baby.

When you wrote that, how did you think it would help the OP?

Starburst8 · 21/06/2019 20:23

I went back after 8 months. To start with I was like you - I couldn't wait to get back to work but then I started going out, taking baby swimming etc. Even just going for a coffee helped the boredom of staying at home. I'm back at work now and I kind of miss being at home doing as I please with my days with my baby.
You can do KIT days, you are entitled to have 10 days of them or even going out (anywhere) may help?

BrightRight · 21/06/2019 20:37

I’m going back in 2 weeks and my husband is then taking the next 6 months. I cannot bloody wait. I love my daughter, I’ve enjoyed the time off, but my god I’m ready to do some thinking again. My husband also can’t wait, and financially it work far better for me to be at work.

costacoffeecup · 21/06/2019 20:37

I'm six months into my second leave - after the first I couldn't wait to go back, this time I'm not enjoying it at all but also can't imagine leaving the baby at nursery in for months as he's so attached to me. Sucks either way to be honest.

PlugUgly1980 · 21/06/2019 20:50

I asked for 12 months with both of mine, but then went back early. By 9 months I was ready for being back at work full time.

ethelfleda · 21/06/2019 21:13

I was like this, OP. Counting down the months until returning to work (I had 12 months off)

But then this happened:

may look back on this period after being at work for a few days and long for it all over again

Sorry that’s not much help

Flip

1 2 3 4