To be fed up of maternity leave?

[ItsJustNoise]

That's it really. I'm over 6 months in and much as I love and adore my DD, I'm finding mat leave increasingly difficult. The groups and coffee meet ups are superficial conversations, my friends work 9-5 so days are left for me and DD. I'm becoming increasingly resentful of DH going to work and seriously considering not having a second DC unless he does the parental leave next time. My job is a professional one, demanding and requires some difficult decisions but really engages my brain. It's tough going at times but I find myself missing it. OTOH I am aware its difficult to fully understand how may leave is impacting me and I may look back on this period after being at work for a few days and long for it all over again.

I'd love to hear other peoples experiences of mat leave and how they felt once it was over. I still have 5 months left to go.

I hate baby groups, we go to swimming class and that's it. DS is also happier out and about, we go for walks every day, to the park, the beach, the local museum, planetarium etc. We meet up with family, and make sure we spend the weekends doing nice things as s family. Sometimes I am eager floor a restful day at home and in the garden. I've also got five months left and have started doing KIT days which has brought some intellectual challenge back, but has also made me value being at home.

Just go back. In my day 6 months was the maximum allowed and that was fine for me. I was ready to go back.

I was the same after 6 months, couldn't wait to go back to work at 9 months. No way i could ever be a SAHM.

Why don't you go back to work earlier if you are not enjoying it?

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I think I will consider returning to work earlier than planned. She will be having a mix of nursery and DM for childcare, DMs not ready to have her before a year but theres no reason I cant return part time until the end of what I'd planned to be my maternity leave. I think the first step is to take some KIT days, I may just be viewing work through rose tinted glasses!

I think if you can go back early - even on part time hours or something - try that. I was climbing the walls by 4 months and was so keen to go back, so I did. Now with #3 I’m legit taking 2 weeks and then DH is doing the SAHD thing to see if he copes better. It’s just not my thing and it’s not for everyone and that’s okay.

YANBU. Maternity leave was one of the toughest things I have ever done. I was desperate to get back to work despite loving DS to bits. I am about to have DC2, over 4 years on, and am going into maternity leave very much with my eyes open. I’m hoping that the structure that will come from DS being in school from September will help.

Can you start making plans to go back to work?

I'm three months in with an 11 week old who is a great feeder and sleeper. I'm sorting out the house. It's bliss and far less frantic than my first mat leave.

However, every Thursday and Friday I also have two year old DS and that's when chaos ensues. Rough and smooth. I'd quite happily be back at work on those days.

Try to find a project to work on.

I wish i could afford to take a whole year! I'm currently on mat leave myself but heading back when DD is 9 months. It is a bit dull sometimes, but I've started doing some kit days so I remember what I'm missing. I'll miss going to groups with my baby when I can't anymore :( but it is nice to have a few days where life is back to normal. I've had sleep issues so I'm worried about returning to work in case they continue, baby sleeps fairly well at least though. If you aren't enjoying it I echo what everyone else says do some kit days and think about going back early!

YANBU at all. I know many women IRL who found maternity leave boring and quite isolating.

I'm currently on Mat leave with my second baby and it's been nice having the time with him but I'm looking forward to going back to work next week. I'm very passionate about my job and i've missed the intellectual stimulation. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to work, it doesn't mean you love your baby any less.

OP I could have written this myself.

DS is 6 months old and before I went on maternity leave I was doing a nursing degree. So essays, placements and working. I was run ragged and I absolutely loved it. I was juggling a thousand balls and I got great satisfaction from it all.

I'm not going back until the end of November.

Now all the balls im juggling is a shit ton of washing, food shopping and breastfeeding.

I adore DS, he's a very lovely easy baby but it's not the same.
I'm insanely bored. Every day I have him in my arms and I wonder from room to room thinking - what the fuck shall we do?

We tried a few baby groups but he hated them. I need to wait a couple more months.
I can't wait to go back and I feel awful for saying it but I need to use my brain. Being home with a baby doesn't test your brain in any way shape or form and I HATE the school run.

I bought an adult sticker book and a craft thing which keeps my hands busy. But that's about it.

Yanbu. I loved mat leave. But not everyone does. It’s ok not to

First time round I took over a year off, I found returning to work (part time) extremely stressful and never really settled back into my role or the company.

Second time round I took six months and was doing KIT days by six weeks. Found the transition back to work far easier.

My KIT days definitely made me appreciate being home on Mat leave more! We’re 9 months in with 3 to go - I think being home is a real mix of emotions - your DP can sometimes seem to be doing as they please but actually their role is just as hard as being at home I think. Also the DC get incrementally more fun as they get past 6 months and you’re about to hit summer (hopefully!) - you’ve done with the bleak months cooped up inside so hopefully can get out and about in the sun and enjoy!

I did shared parental leave and so did some other mothers I know. So after 4-6 months the guys where left on their own for 3+ months. One result is our DC's father pulls his weight.

I was desperate to go back at the 6 month mark, but then as he got older he got so much more interesting! Turns out, I have no interest in babies (even my own really to some extent....) but as a toddler, he's pretty cool! The older he got, the less I actually wanted to go back to work. I made some new "mum" friends, started to find groups that I actually enjoyed, and actually decided not to go back at all in the end.

He's 18 months now, and I've started doing a few different things to satisfy the intellectual/ professional part of me. I'm writing a book and have just been accepted into a position on a school board. In November I plan on doing some part time studying, relating to a possible career change I'm looking at.

I did get resentful for a while, of my DH being out in the "real world". And I'd be lying if I said I don't miss it sometimes. But I have a busy social life (away from my toddler) and am in the process of getting fit etc. On balance, I'm pleased I'm at home with him. But it would have been a different story if you'd asked me this time last year!

I really struggled with the first 4 months of my maternity leave. I missed work a lot. I found I settled in to maternity leave in the last few months of it and really enjoyed the time off with my DD and being able to take her to groups/classes that only run on week days. I went back to work after 7.5 months off and have found some days I love being at work and others I just want to be at home with my DD all the time.

I don't think there's anything wrong in feeling like that about maternity leave - it can be boring and repetitive and it doesn't suit everyone.

I felt the same after dc1, different situation entirely with dc2 but loved it. The good changes were getting up and out for the school run and doing activities rather than just coffee groups where there was a focus.

Try meeting up with your working friends in their lunch hours.

I went back at 6 months, though DH then had four months off on SPL (which I found very best of both worlds for me, as the wrench was bigger when he did start at the childminder at 10 months, but it also felt quite gradual. Interestingly, DH really struggled with DS starting at the childminder). I also found mat leave very boring - I felt a huge amount of guilt over it, but it's true. I was happy to go back to work. My one slight regret is that I suspect I would have enjoyed the second half of the year more than the first if I'd done it - DS is nearly one now and I've found I've enjoyed him so much more in the last few months. But it's hard to know if that's because I work and so I'm not with him 24/7. DH was away last weekend and I was so excited for a whole weekend just me chilling out with DS - but I bet I wouldn't have been if I'd spent all week with him!

I also think the big variable here is what your work is like. I'm an academic and I love work, find it very stimulating - it can be stressful but it's also quite flexible and so I feel I get quite a lot of freedom in my working day. I know that that's a very privileged position and not most people's experience of work.

I was exactly the same with my first DS. I found the time off dull and never ending, struggled to fill the days, the ‘baby groups’ never really happened, lack of funds meant I couldn’t really go out too much. The HV spotted I was depressed but I wouldn’t engage with her (don’t really know why), I started to struggled with winter and dark nights too. This all lifted when I went back to work. But that brings its own challenges of tiredness etc.
However it was completely different when I had my second child, my DS was then in school and I had structure to my time off and had to go out twice a day, I have often though this made such a difference. I think I’m one of those people who ‘need’ something to do as I feel restless if I’m not busy.

This strikes a chord with me! I went back part time at 4 months.
I was a hospital doctor, (intensive care and anaesthetics) and being stuck at home with a baby was beyond mindless and boring.
I went to one mother and baby group meeting and was appalled at how the entire conversation revolved around teething and the contents of nappies! Everyone I knew was out all day at work, so my village was deserted from 9 to 5, apart from housewives and pensioners.
I don’t know how modern mums stick it for a whole year. It was six months in my day, and I couldn’t even hack that.

Again, I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing their stories! So glad to hear im not alone in feeling how I do.

Don't feel guilty. I love my children but I hate mat leave. I go back to work next week! So excited.

Hey @itsjustnoise YANBU for feeling how you’re feeling. I’m 5 weeks PP with DC3 and when I picked the phone up the other day and it was a recruiter I didn’t let him go until it was evident he’s been exhausted by my enquiries into my field of work

Let me repeat: I am five weeks PP and I think about work loads. And I’m not even permanent; I’m freelance but it’s political and as it’s all going on right now I miss being in the thick of it (pun intended).

I don’t want to flush my mat leave but I went back at 6mo with DC1 and 2. Completely intend to do the same with this one and if there is a DC4 the same.

Again - YANBU.

I went back after 7 and half months, was bored, missed work and my friends

Here we only get 4.5 months of maternity leave by law. I took my babe to playschool at 5 months in February, she fell sick and its been a problem ever since up until very recently. I wish I'd had ALL that maternity leave, and I am not a SAHM at all. You are so lucky but consider yourself unlucky.