To think ‘I could have married you?’

[User2638394]

I am incredibly happy with my husband, who is a gorgeous, clever, funny, kind, decent man. I truly love and adore him and would / could never be unfaithful. I choose him every day.

But sometimes I meet men (usually through work) and get on with them in a way that makes me think ‘if things had been different, I could have happily married you.’ I’m not in love with them and don’t want anything from them, but I have this feeling that in another life, I could have been happy with them. It’s happened perhaps 2 or 3 times in my life.

Does anyone else feel this way? That you sometimes just have a piercing awareness of how different your life might have been and how under different circumstances you could have loved someone else?

@User2638394

No, I can honestly, hand on heart say, I have never looked at another man (with admiring eyes,) and thought 'I could have married you....' I just never have. I can't imagine ever thinking it.

This puts me in mind of a woman I used to live near to/be friends with (she left the county 3 years ago and we lost contact.)

She asked me once 'do you ever look at your handsome work colleagues, or the dishy young fella across the road with all his muscles and think 'oooh, I really fancy you,' and dream of an affair, or just shagging him?'

I said (honestly,) 'nope, never.' She basically laughed, and said 'LIAR!' with a big grin. I said 'no I am quite happy with my man.' She kept trying to get me to say I was lying and I DO fancy other men/dream of being with other men, but I wouldn't budge. I said 'I can lie and tell you what you want to hear if you like.' Then she went a bit quiet, and realised I now knew that she was up for an affair/shagging another man, and probably didn't really love her husband.

@Yetanotherwinter

I look at my husband and think I’ve never met a single man who matches up to him. He’s the best man I’ve ever known. He’s my best mate. I hope I never have to look for another partner and thank my lucky stars every day.

This. ^ Exactly how I feel about my husband.

If others don't feel the same, that's their call and nothing to do with me. But what I do resent and get irked by, is when someone tries to insist I must be lying when I say I have no interest in other men.

Just because THEY would think nothing of straying/cheating, and have daydreams about what it would be like being married to 'that fit bloke in accounts,' that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same.

I sometimes think about the near misses in the past, before I got together with DH.

One was the mate of a guy I was seeing, and one was the friend of a colleague who we spent a lot time in the pub with after work. I just got on with them so well. Things never quite clicked with them at the time - timing not quite right, or whatever - but I think I could probably have been very happy with either of them.

I must admit, I've not had this feeling about any other man since I've been with DH. I'm v glad I'm with him - he's fab.

Gosh yes. I love dh and I don't think il ever be with anyone else. But we got together at 15, he was a stoner and Watched cartoons, I always had my head in a book but we had chemistry. Now 20 years later there's zero chemistry. There's no intellectual conversation and sometimes in my work I deal with men that really will have a brilliant discussion with me about literature, inequality, ethics etc, then I go home to dh who only wants to talk to me about the Liverpool game or memes or anime.

But we have 3 kids and I'm past my best and we do get on, but we're more great friends than madly in love. And I'm happy ish really, so it's only a what if.

Entirely normal!
Because we have free will, a conscience- naturally we’ll look at all our choices and wonder ‘what if?’.
The grass is always greener and it’s a bit of escapism

No, I meet men I think are attractive and like, get on well with, but I don't think I could have married them, I may think I could get to know them better, maybe dated them, had a relationship with them, sure, but not actual marriage, dreaming that we'd fall in love and have happy ever after.

That's pure romantic day dreams. bollocks

@MeeceAndMice that is ridiculous, sorry. It's your life and if he's not a bad man, then separate your lives and live a full like. It's not about being in your prime and finding somebody else!! Separate even though there's no guarantee that you'll meet somebody else. I'm 49 so I get the feeling 'past your best' (in men's eyes but not my own) but who was it who said that you can be robbed of solitude without the gift of company. That sounds like your marriage. I'd rather be on my own, free to read, watch what interested me, follow my thoughts, inspire my children as I wanted to....

I wouldn't ever want or dream of being married to anyone other than my DH. For me, I can't imagine ever feeling that way about anyone else.

@SlightlyBonkersQFA
Oh I can, I read and watch what I want, he works long hours so i have 5 out of 7 evenings to myself. Kids are also big readers, 10 year old has read many many of the classics. I don't feel my life is limited, or that of my children, I just someone's speak to other men in my line of work and think, wow these conversations could have been my home life. However I'm not naive enough to think a relationship with someone similar to me would be without its problems

Didn't know what to vote but I would suggest you sort your head out. You doth protest rather too much really.

Not marriage perhaps, but yes people I could be with.
Sounds understandable to me.

I know what you mean with this feeling. I sometimes look at people who I know have liked me in the past, who I turned down for my partner, and I look at their lives now and think how mine could have been different. They've got good jobs, get on well with their families, go on holidays .. yet our lives are such a struggle at the moment with lack of money and family causing trouble at every bloody turn.

But that's only wistful thinking .. I would never swap my partner, even given all the rubbish we're living through.

@bundleeveryfight that made me laugh so much!
@User2638394 I’ve had this twice during my 12 year marriage both times it’s made me realise that I would actually still choose my DH.

ZOMBIE THREAD

I can't imagine not feeling like this sometimes! The whole point of a marriage (to me) is that you feel like this and choose to stay anyway.

Maybe it depends on personality type and how much you let your imagination wander. I come across many lovely people that I 'click' with and I recognise that I just happened to click with my husband at the right time, right place. We chose to build a life together and we're happy. I've met people I've clicked with in a similar way since, if it had been the right time, right place with them of course it could have worked. It passes the time to ruminate on that.

No. I meet men at work and think I'm eternally grateful that I didn't get married