To think ‘I could have married you?’

[User2638394]

I am incredibly happy with my husband, who is a gorgeous, clever, funny, kind, decent man. I truly love and adore him and would / could never be unfaithful. I choose him every day.

But sometimes I meet men (usually through work) and get on with them in a way that makes me think ‘if things had been different, I could have happily married you.’ I’m not in love with them and don’t want anything from them, but I have this feeling that in another life, I could have been happy with them. It’s happened perhaps 2 or 3 times in my life.

Does anyone else feel this way? That you sometimes just have a piercing awareness of how different your life might have been and how under different circumstances you could have loved someone else?

The only reason I don't do this is I'm too picky .

My thing is wondering if I'd go e to a different uni would I have met and married someone else and what would he be like.

Maybe but I’m sure it’s an illusion - you don’t know what kind of partner or parent those men would make and everyone is their best self outside the home
This. We live in a fairly small town so I've met a lot of male colleague's wives through playgroups etc. Eye opening.

To recognise that your DH is not the only person in the world you could have been happy with is healthy.

To attach this feeling to individuals feels a bit off, but if you're feeling fine and not behaving weirdly around these people then I don't see what harm it does.

I think I’m quite fussy/awkward. I’d had boyfriends before my husband, and I loved or was infatuated with them, but I always knew that I couldn’t see a long term future with them. When I met my husband I was blown away by how quickly I knew that, if things worked out, I could happily stay with him forever. I must have been a combination of our personalities and us both being ready for something more serious. I’ve never met anyone I get on with as easily and happily. I don’t think he’s ‘the one’ - I just think I’ve been very lucky.

I feel this every time I see Tom Hardy😍

In 22 years I can think of one other person who this could apply to and tbh he is a Scottish version of DH in looks and personality.

Tim Minchin sprang to my mind too!

I’ve not met anyone that I’ve had these thoughts about, but then again I didn’t think I’d marry or settle down as it wasn’t on my radar until I met my husband, so I guess that’s not unusual for me. I can understand how people might think “what if”.

The only thing that I can recall is one day, some years ago now, I was leaving the dentist and there was a man walking along the pavement outside and we looked at each other and it was incredibly weird, he actually stopped in his tracks and we just kind of stared for a moment, then he smiled and I smiled back, he then walked off but looked back. It wasn’t an attraction so much as a familiarity, I think, though he was quite lovely looking. That’s the only time I’ve thought “if I was single I’d have said something”. But I wasn’t tempted to actually do that, or sad that I couldn’t.

I worked with someone I really felt like this about.
When I first met him he had just got married and his wife was expecting. I just always felt he was a great guy. We have loads in common and same sense of humor. He was very supportive when I went through a bad time after a bereavement and covered for me when I had to leave the office to get myself together when it was all so raw.
Then I met DH and got married, had my kids.
I still see the other person from time to time as the old work colleagues get together now and then. I still think if we'd both been single when we met then we could have got together.
He's happily married and a good dad.

Absolutely . Ever heard of the expression " Right person , wrong time". And the fact that widowed people can often happily marry again , I think shows this.

Sadly - another one who sometimes concurs with tallgreenbottle

I could have married your husband, OP!

I am married to a difficult man, who blows hot and cold and is pretty unpredictable. To be honest, I just long to live alone with the kids!

Your DH sounds like a great guy. It's a great fortune in life to be able to share our path with someone remarkably caring and understanding. I also think it's uncommon. I have this feeling that when we're totally happy in a marriage, our attraction for others is heightened because we're in a positive place where everything is beautiful: Our partners, our children, nature and the world around us, other people are beautiful. You see the world in a beautiful light and you value the beauty in others, including other men.
I have no attraction towards my husband or any other man, for that matter. And I think it's because that part of me has died a death. It's all in shadow. I don't see beauty the way I did when I was happier. In fact, I find most men repulsive now, which is sad.

I can honestly say the thought never crosses my mind, except maybe with a shiver of disgust when I see some of the specimens I avoided.

Fully understand what you mean OP. I even had this before husband and I got engaged. This sounds arrogant but I knew he would have married me and I knew my life would have been totally different. Nothing ever happened between us and I remember making the decision. We are still friends on Facebook and he married a mutual friend. He is a good guy. I adore my husband, I also know I could have been happy with someone else too. Love is both how you feel (I am in love) and what you choose. Very few of us would have no other good options. My husband also had other good people he could have loved and married. Maybe we are lucky to know lots of good, lovely, lovable people

No because I was with two guys previously who otherbpeople lived outside a relationship. One was an abusive cheating fuckwit and one was scared of commitment. Current DH is amazing.

TheVanguardSix That is spot on.

There's a song with the line, "She was one in a million; so there's 5 more just in New South Wales"

I don't believe in The One. I love DH but had we not met I'm sure I would have met someone else and had a different but equally happy life.

Oh and yeah, I think about this sometimes. There are a few men in my past who I often wonder What if? But in reality they wouldn’t be nearly as patient as my DH.

I sometimes look at a charismatic, funny, outgoing, gregarious man and wonder what life would be like if I'd married this type of person. Instead, my OH is introverted and socially anxious and I sometimes wish I had choose a different 'type'.

I don't think "I could have married you" but I do sometimes think there have been a few sliding doors moments and my life could/would have been very different wit ha different DP and friends if I had taken alternative decisions at key points in life.

I have this about just one other person- and if I had been with him (there was a real life possibility but it just never quite got there) my life would have been different entirely- involving kids and stepkids etc
I do sometimes ponder it- but my now DP is just perfect for me and the right choice

I also went straight to that Tim Minchin song.

I could definitely have married Tim Minchin...

But with sliding doors you are supposed to end up in the same place, different route, I thought - it is all about destiny with the right person.

Tim just doesn't get that, obviously

I used to occasionally experience this same thought, before my OH, but not while I was married to someone. Relationship, yes. But despite the way I've clicked with a couple of people since being with OH, it's actually not crossed my mind once. I do think it is totally normal though. You sound confident in your marriage and happy and positive, and are acknowledging how different things could be, without wishing sway what you have.

No never. I can talk to a man and think what a nice guy he is as a person but that's it really.

*away