Puberty books - from extended family to our kids

[flumpybear]

AIBU - I'm a bit - extended family couple bought my two children books about puberty (they are 10&7) ... they made a bit of a big thing about bringing these gifts ... I think it's really strange ... particaularly as both me and DH have 4 degrees between us ... in fucking biology!!! We don't hide things so it's not like they're trying to compensate

Is this weird or what? Perhaps, me with my degree and PhD, experience in lecturing all sorts , I kinda thought it was my job - they didn't even think to ask if it was ok

I guess loads of people will say they meant well but I'm with you. It's odd.

I suggest you shout and insult them for giving your kids these gifts. How dare they not respect your PhD and your ability to speak openly to your kids about these issues. How very dare they have good intentions.

I would go non-communication and never invite them back to my home. That will teach them about trying to be nice, these oddballs.

@OhioOhioOhio I guess but yep, odd and kinda imposing onto and over parental boundaries

I think it's weird, op. Did they ask you before giving the books to the kids?

@Lifeandjoy - are you on glue 🙄
It's not the fucking PhD you numpty, it's the fact it's not their job to decide when our children learn about puberty ... I'm guessing you're qualification jealous ... my point about my PhD, degree, husbands degree and masters was that we have a SHIT load of knowledge ourselves thank you, and even if we didn't, they are our kids - we teach them when they're ready,
Not when our family members think they should be ready

Very weird.

@Whisky2014 - nope! I didn't know til they mentioned what they bought them after I got home From work - I was too aghast to discuss at this point!
DH and I said last night how strange we thought it was

It’s odd. Totally misplaced and I’d be annoyed. They are your children and it’s your decision when that discussion should taken place and how and to provide your child with any books. The ONLY time it MIGHT be appropriate is perhaps if child was clearly starting puberty or of relevant age and it was well known that parents were useless and wouldn’t discuss with child. In those circumstance a grandparent, aunt uncle etc could give a book and say I’m here if you have any questions. But normal circumstance it bloody odd.

(As an aside you do realise that parents without biology degrees as also capable of speaking to their children and explaining puberty )

Randomly another friend gave me a book on puberty for my eldest a couple of weeks ago at work which I put in my filing cabinet - she actually told me use it if you want or just bin it if it's not what you want to give as it's not brilliant but it gets the message across ... perhaps that's just us as scientists lol 😆

I have a PhD in Econ from Harvard. So no envy there my darling. I'm simply being sarcastic. You mentioned PhD, remember? If it was so irrelevant, why mention it. You are now apoplectic and what do you do, accuse me of being envious of your PhD. Tell me this, when you were doing your PhD, were you the only one? Did your supervisor mislead you into thinking PhDs are some rare commodity? Tsk, tsk!

That’s weird. Why would two people retry to give you puberty books for your eldest. Wondering if you’ve said something in passing to Make them think that’s acceptable.

I doubt they meant harm, but it was ill conceived.
You know your kids, what stages they are at, what information they already have, and you have a plan for how and when you want to progress that.

Very strange and it's definitely over-stepping.
Maybe in some strange way they thought you'd be really appreciate them giving a nod to your background by giving your DC these informative books🤔

@FatFailureMum - thanks - and yes I do realise those without biology degrees can teach their kids ... it's more about the fact that of all people we can probably teach them more fact than anyone or any book lol ... but yep it's not Martian ... anyone can give basics to kids ... just the whole 'geography' of the situation and the fact that even if nobody was an 'expert' it's still random ... but we're specialists in our field 😉😳😂

Oh give it a rest lifeandjoy.

God I think this is really weird. Who does that?! Are you gona say anything or just muse about it with your husband?

While they have over-stepped the mark here as it’s parents responsibility to discuss with children, you do realise people without PhD’s and masters can discuss puberty?! You sound like you’re the one on glue tbh

In case my point isn't clear: I think you are overreacting about these gifts, and your belief that your collective degrees make the two of you supremely able to guide you kids through puberty or educate them about puberty, more so than non-degreed folk, is ludicrous.

Don’t get me wrong OP I’m totally with you it’s bits batshit crazy (unless in circumstance as I mentioned). And yes you’ll be very able to speak more factually than any book but sometimes kids like to digest things themselves too then come to you. I just added about my the comment about the degree as you’ll get a pasting here for that as you’ve seen.

Was it in-laws? It's always I laws right. You should tell them they overstepped the mark. If they happened to find good books then I wouldn’t mind them passing them to me in a “hey this book looks great give to dc if you feel appropriate” manner.

It's a bit odd but not crazy odd. Do they buy them books normally?

I don't think it will have crossed their minds that the fact you and your husband are scientists (and have degrees and Phds) has any relevance to how good you will be about telling your kids about puberty. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PhD*

Perhaps they believed that these were really excellent, tried-and-tested, useful books. However, any normal person would have given them to you to pass on when/if you thought appropriate.

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER - your username suggests you're quite pedantic ... I'm not ... as mentioned in previous post the PhD thing is more about the fact that why the freak do they think we need help 🙄😳😂 hilarious!!!

It's a bit like Gordon Ramsay's family (or a.n.others chef) buying Gordon's kids vouchers for McDonalds

I don't know why people are making such a big deal out of the mention of the PhD, the OP clearly just meant that they are more than equipped to deal with the subject themselves - not belittling anyone who doesn't have a PhD. From my understanding it was more disbelief that these people thought it was their place to provide these books, when OP and her partner are not only the parents, not only the ones who should be dealing with this and are perfectly able to as parents, but on top of this, they have degrees in biology of all things. That's the way it came across to me anyway.

OP, I'm with you on this, it's an extremely odd thing to do and I wouldn't be happy if someone did this for my child. DH and I are the ones who know her best and know when she's ready to hear about it and we're perfectly able to deal with it when we decide the time is right.

OP I'm with you. What a bloody weird gift and quite unsuitable from anyone but parents, really.

Are they always odd? Do they have form?

If they'd given them a book about digestion, or how our bodies work would you have got the hump? As a biologist like you will surely know puberty is a normal biological process. Does it embarrass you? Its hardly the Karma Sutra.