Puberty books - from extended family to our kids

[flumpybear]

AIBU - I'm a bit - extended family couple bought my two children books about puberty (they are 10&7) ... they made a bit of a big thing about bringing these gifts ... I think it's really strange ... particaularly as both me and DH have 4 degrees between us ... in fucking biology!!! We don't hide things so it's not like they're trying to compensate

Is this weird or what? Perhaps, me with my degree and PhD, experience in lecturing all sorts , I kinda thought it was my job - they didn't even think to ask if it was ok

Have you read the books OP? I’m just wondering if there’s something in particular, that they want the kids to see.

OK I get that I'm in the minority but what exactly is in this boy's book on puberty that your 7 year old is far to young to know? That he's probably too young to be interested I understand but what is this age-critical information?

Oh and I wouldn't dream of giving anyone's child a book on puberty in case anyone is worried.

@BarbarianMum ... what are you sniffing?!

I don't want anyone else giving my child sex education or puberty education... I'll do it myself with my husband when we're ready ... like every ore thing would ... we don't expect a random family member we see 1-3 times a year at most the choice to educate our kids !!

Of course it's weird and totally not their place. What did you say to them?

Regardless of what age children should be made aware of such topics, it's traditionally left to parents. It's a special bonding, rite of passage conversation. I took a great deal of care and prep before talking to my daughter about periods, we set aside a special time, I had a gift bag of items prepared, it was mother daughter time, not random cousin once removed time.

Weird weird weird.

I am really close with my nephew and niece, but would never overstep like this. This is parent territory. Pick the wrong book - kid scared for life.

I still remember the amount of pubic hair on the cartoons people in the book my mum used with us. Makes me shudder🤣😬🤭

@flumpybear

Hmmm.. it's a bit odd.. maybe they thought because you're both so educated that would be an impressive gift to the kids. Books that are factual and related to what you do.

I personally wouldn't be offended but would think it strange.

Putting all that aside, when giving kids factual books on things like puberty, sex, child birth at the ages of 7 & 10 years old, it's always good to check with the parents it's ok because everyone has their own way of explaining to their kids and everyone will have a rough idea on when your children are mature enough to understand it. So really things like that should be left to parents.

Now I think about it, I would be thrown if my own mum decided to give my kids books on something like that without asking me first.

Some people don't think.

@AryaStarkWolf - was too gobsmacked to say anything

@Dippypippy1980

OMG yes! Huge amounts of foliage

Those were the days, I'm still traumatised from them

It was a bit weird and overstepping the mark I think. Agree it is your decision when to give sex ed to your children, so they should have asked.

The phd thing was such a red herring though- I highly doubt they gave the books because they thought you didn’t know what happens at puberty 😂
I think even those without so much as a GCSE science are perfectly capable of explaining to their kids! Qualifications nothing whatever to dp with it!! Books are just... nice to have?!

@picklemepopcorn - exactly, I'll do other things but it's what you chose
To do with your own kids - no one else's business !!

@Lifeandjoy

I suggest you rethink your username.. it doesn't suit you

@Dippypippy1980 --- eeekkkk 😳
Saying that I don't want DD or DS to think they're weird with having public hair ... when they do lol -- not everyone is born with genes for a Brazilian or Hollywood 'pubic hair-style' 😱 tho not an issue just yet lol 😆

Sorry about the text above lol

Yes it's weird. Checking with the parents first would make it even weirder. The must be thousands of more suitable books should you wish to buy them a book for a gift. Does this cousin have form for doing odd things?

Perhaps they meant well but yes it's odd. It wouldn't occur to me to give that kind of gift to any kid but my own (unless perhaps I thought they were being neglected and their parents weren't going to give them the info they needed and even then it would be difficult to do it tactfully).

@CecilyP - hhhmmm not that I can think of but I'd have put money on it being them if I had to bet which family members did such an odd thing lol

@Friedspamfritters - yes fair enough - but fwiw we're not neglecting our children - but even if we were they'd never know as they see us literally 1-2 times a year
It's more about the fact we should make decisions on when they get such literature

Really weird. Yanbu

@Sagradafamiliar - I think so too, thank you

That's really weird. It's absolutely not their place. Anyone with a shred of common sense would know that's a parental responsibility. Do they have form for massively overstepping boundaries?

@flumpybear, if someone gave my daughter a book on economics or sought to teach her economics, I honestly would not be offended. I can't see what there is to be offended about. I'm I too be of the view that because I have a PhD in economics no one else dare attempt to speak to my child about the subject (and that I should take it as an affront to my expertise)?

Sorry but I cannot see why you are so wounded by someone gifting your child a book on puberty. If you don't want your child or children to have it, throw it away. All this la di da about you being a biologist and therefore feeling insulted by the gift is just pure nonsense. It's hard to tell what caused the greatest offence: the book and its (in)appropriateness as a gift or that you felt they should have realised that given your qualifications, you were fully equipped to teach them?

Like I said, if you are so up in arms about it, call them over and berate them for the good intentions. Otherwise, just say to them thanks but no thanks, or take the gift and dump it.