Can you tell me about your 2 year old? ("No one is going to want to spend time with your child")

[loie]

So my 2 year old DS is in a bit of a pain in the ass stage.
He is the biggest pain when it comes to walking, he was out the pram from before his 2nd birthday but now really starting to be awkward and refuse to walk after a few minutes and cries and throws himself on the floor until he's carried.
He'll wander off in the direction he wants to go sometimes and you'll have to grab him and move him along, there's often a cry and a bit of a struggle but never a full blown tantrum.
He's starting shouting 'no' a lot recently.
There's been a couple of incidents where he's snatched toys or pushed at nursery but they've reassured me it's fairly normal.
There's often a tantrum with things like sitting on my knee on buses etc now that he likes to sit on his own.
Very rarely he raises his hand if he's in a proper tantrum but it's not often he has tantrums at all at home.
He's a very fussy eater since recently too.
He refuses to stand still/be carried at bus stops and is constantly trying to just wander off and throws a tantrum if he can't.

He's well behaved a split amount of time.
He'll often listen when you tell him not to touch something.
He's a good sleeper and there's never any bed tantrums.
He's learned please and thank you quite well.
He's a good walker sometimes and can be encouraged by distraction eg 'shall we go and find/do this?'
He'll sit on the floor and play happily with his toys on his own if I'm busy and there's never an issue.
He'll sit extremely well on even long bus journeys and in cars as long as he's sat on his own.

I know he can be a little horror sometimes, but to me this seems normal, I'm just checking to see as I know no other 2 year olds - my DM is completely in the habit of telling me I've got no discipline and taking him out for a few hours and I now expect her to drop him off in a mood and make comments about my 'lack of discipline'. I now don't even like him being out with her for a few hours or staying at hers because I anticipate her being in a crap mood when she returns him and having comments to make about my parenting and how 'awful' he behaves. She actually used the phrase I've quoted in the title today.
I defend myself every time and say he's 2 and his behaviour could be better and maybe my discipline could be better but it's pretty much standard and he isn't some horror child and she pretty much just scoffs in my face and tells me that if she'd have told me to do/not do something at that age then I'd have listened because she 'actually has' discipline.

Sorry, not helpful, but mine is actually the total opposite, he's never badly behaved at all, apart from thinking it was funny once to push another kid down a slide (DS was only 18m) to the point I'm terrified to have a second child incase karma bites me on the arse 😬 we're not the 'norm' though.

Your DS sounds totally normal for his age to me.

This sounds completely normal behaviour for a 2 year old. DD and then DGD were exactly the same but at around 3 rather than 2. But very few children don't go through the pushing the boundaries, asserting their independence and autonomy phase because they're an important part of their development. I totally disagree with your DM here because DSs behaviour is nothing to do with you're parenting most probably and everything to do with being the stage he's at.

Sounds completely normal. Mine doesn't tantrum or cry that much but that's because I usually give him what he wants!

I believe the Danes call this time "the boundary seeking years" ie. constantly testing and challenging

My toddlers were often nightmares and “discipline” was not a word in their vocabulary, but they were also often adorable. I think that unless you are going to give up on your DM completely, which might be necessary but would be sad, she needs to be introduced to DS’s adorable side. What does he love? Planes? Stories? Dogs? Cats? Flowers? Cars? Find an opportunity to get him chattering.

Or take a break from seeing her for a couple of months and then when you do really go full on with paying enough attention to DS that he shows his best side and she can say “gosh he’s improved”. I’m sure you’ll have lots of replies that the intolerant old cow doesn’t deserve to have a grandchild, but I’m not sure that a temporary intolerant stage means that she can never turn it around and become a valuable and loving grandmother to an older child. (Maybe she’s beyond redemption but it’s worth a try)

Sounds pretty normal. First lie down temper tantrum here was at 16months. Full on screaming in the street because I wouldn't let her get in the food delivery van. Right now we're dealing with nightly challenges to bed time. She's 2 tomorrow...

Normal. It’s not called the Terrible Twos for nothing!

Totally 100% normal sounds exactly like my 2 year old

All sounds totally normal to me! Except mine went through a phase of absolutely not sitting still anywhere anytime

He doesn't sound like a docile two year old but well within normal. I think lots of people completely forget what it's like having a two year old and get shocked by totally normal behaviour. My friend currently has a high spirited energetic but sweet and totally normal two year, her mum talks about him like he's the spawn of the devil. She avoid going to her mum's as a result.

Totally normal. Mine had full blown tantrum in shop recently because she asked for a drink and I bought it for her.

He sounds normal to me, but I'd put reins on him to stop the wandering and so he can sit on a bus seat in front of you (for instance) but still be under your control

Totally normal. Mine is slightly older but when we are in public, I often get the "owww you are hurting me" when I try and hold her hand to stop her from running away. MY MIL thinks we have a discipline problem. I just ignore her comments.

Sounds totally normal. The only thing that might be more unusual is that all the toddlers I know are totall angelic beings for grandparents and nursery staff and save their worst behaviour for their parents. If your mum has friends with other angelic grandchildren she might be comparing their experiences.

Totally normal. It’s a phase!

I have a two year old. He sounds normal. The thing is what do you do when he tantrums or says no or acts up? I know when distraction works and when it won’t, and I do remove him immediately or tell him immediately ‘if you won’t do X then Y will happen’ and follow through. I am pretty mean about enforcing it. I have found as a result it’s stopped the worst of the tantrums quickly and allowed him to enjoy play time more. So if I am in a rush or need to get somewhere I cannot have a detailed discussion about why he needs to be in the buggy or ‘car seat.’ Sometimes they just have to listen.
Having said that your DM doesn’t sound nice saying that stuff about her grandson.

Normal! Sounds just like my DS (except he does tantrum at bedtime!). He has also learned the word "help!" recently so when I'm doing something he finds objectionable (wiping his face, strapping him in his car seat), he bellows "help! Help! Ow! Help!" at the top of his lungs, which is lovely of him. I'm sure the neighbours will be calling social services any day now.

Yes. Completely normal. He has a will of his own. He needs to learn how to behave respectfully, but this takes years. He also needs to learn to regulate his own emotions (the tanrums are a part of this). Again takes years. The book how to talk so small kids listen (or smt like that) is helpful.
All this learning and modelling respect and emotion regulation is hard work. Much easier to break his will.......

You could of wrote that post about my 2 year old son. I think it's completely normal & don't have any reason for worry (even if it is slightly annoying at times). No child is well behaved ALL the time & I call bullshit if anyone says otherwise because it's how they learn boundaries & what's right to do / what's not. I always describe my son as a well behaved bundle of mischief! Because he's far from a horror child but he's certainly a handful with a big personality - just like your son sounds like
Enjoy him. The years pass fast & it won't be long before he's slumped in his bedroom talking only via grunts.

Seems normal.

Here’s my day, woke up tried to do light cleaning she pulls every toy I put away out because I need to sweep the floor.
Tried to get her dressed took 30 min to tie the ties on her dress as she kept running away,twisting,turning etc
Tried to get her shoes on kept running away and throwing things at the cats.
Crossed the road brilliantly held my hand etc perfect!
Went to the shop picked up and named every fruit apple or banana and tried to put it in the pram.
Went to the park for lunch ate some lunch threw my sandwich on the floor 😭 was so hungry I ate the filling.
Went around the park throwing rocks and throwing them in the bin.
Went home on the way home refused to walk properly kept throwing her doll on the floor went to cross the road and threw a massive tantrum.
Got home after what should be only 10 min in 30 as she get tantrum up wanting to be picked up and walk.
Currently napping.

When you take him out, take reins and buggy with you. If he tries to make a break for it, use them! Otherwise, perfectly normal. Pick your battles. No point upsetting him over little things.

Are you sure you haven't nicked off with my son.

I'd point out to your mother that the obvious opposite is true - if she keeps being hypercritical, your child will not want to spend any time with her.

He sounds totally normal.

Normal. My youngest is exactly the same, and in fact my mil sounds exactly the same - apparently her children were angels and never misbehaved. I know its all bollocks because DH went through a car stealing phase (not at two I hasten to add )

I've had four kids. At this age, half of them were angels and half were horrors. The key to sanity is to pick your battles and only make a big deal out of things that really matter. The good things that your son does are very good signs that there is no huge problem.
It is a difficult stage, but it will pass and your real problem is your mother, not your child.

Totally normal, sounds exactly like my 2 year old (except sometimes I can’t be doing with the negotiations during a walk and make him go in the buggy) and tbh having seen lots other kids around the same age I think of mine as quite laid back.

Are there are toddler groups nearby that your mum could take him too a couple of times (stay and play type things?) - it sounds like she would benefit from exposure to some more toddlers to see they are pretty much all like that.