Can you tell me about your 2 year old? ("No one is going to want to spend time with your child")

[loie]

So my 2 year old DS is in a bit of a pain in the ass stage.
He is the biggest pain when it comes to walking, he was out the pram from before his 2nd birthday but now really starting to be awkward and refuse to walk after a few minutes and cries and throws himself on the floor until he's carried.
He'll wander off in the direction he wants to go sometimes and you'll have to grab him and move him along, there's often a cry and a bit of a struggle but never a full blown tantrum.
He's starting shouting 'no' a lot recently.
There's been a couple of incidents where he's snatched toys or pushed at nursery but they've reassured me it's fairly normal.
There's often a tantrum with things like sitting on my knee on buses etc now that he likes to sit on his own.
Very rarely he raises his hand if he's in a proper tantrum but it's not often he has tantrums at all at home.
He's a very fussy eater since recently too.
He refuses to stand still/be carried at bus stops and is constantly trying to just wander off and throws a tantrum if he can't.

He's well behaved a split amount of time.
He'll often listen when you tell him not to touch something.
He's a good sleeper and there's never any bed tantrums.
He's learned please and thank you quite well.
He's a good walker sometimes and can be encouraged by distraction eg 'shall we go and find/do this?'
He'll sit on the floor and play happily with his toys on his own if I'm busy and there's never an issue.
He'll sit extremely well on even long bus journeys and in cars as long as he's sat on his own.

I know he can be a little horror sometimes, but to me this seems normal, I'm just checking to see as I know no other 2 year olds - my DM is completely in the habit of telling me I've got no discipline and taking him out for a few hours and I now expect her to drop him off in a mood and make comments about my 'lack of discipline'. I now don't even like him being out with her for a few hours or staying at hers because I anticipate her being in a crap mood when she returns him and having comments to make about my parenting and how 'awful' he behaves. She actually used the phrase I've quoted in the title today.
I defend myself every time and say he's 2 and his behaviour could be better and maybe my discipline could be better but it's pretty much standard and he isn't some horror child and she pretty much just scoffs in my face and tells me that if she'd have told me to do/not do something at that age then I'd have listened because she 'actually has' discipline.

Totally totally normal. At 2 any direction I would walk, he would walk the other way! 2 and half till 3 was the hardest age for us and I am glad to report that it’s completely different now albeit with other stuff. Hold tight, soon you will see massive improvements.

My DS is 3. Since he learnt to move on his own, he has been more unruly then a tornado. You name it, he does it or doesnt do if hes meant to.
He's loved
Hes cared for
Hes disaplined
Hes just a major pain in the bum

This is definitely a case of PITA syndrome (Pain in the Arse). Also knows as BTS (Being Two Syndrome).
Use a buggy. Two year olds are a right pain to walk when you want them to walk. Plus they do only have little legs.

Sounds completely normal to too.
If you want to make your life easier while out and about have you thought of one of the tricycles that you have a parent bar to steer?
I couldn’t get my dd to go in a pram from around the same age but she was rubbish at walking too refused after a few minutes and wanted to go where she wanted to go too. I got her the tricycle and she went everywhere in it because it made her feel more grown up.
I literally pushed her round in it everywhere, while we were on walks or shopping. It takes less room than a pram too which made things a bit easier.

Sounds pretty normal to me.. DS1 had reins until he was over 3 because he wouldn't hold hands (I used to have to grip his arm so hard as he struggled for crossing the road that I thought he'd break something), I've carried both mine at about that age out of somewhere with them kicking and screaming about something ridiculous, I had to do a full on 'goodbye, I'm going then' once at a softplay, just to lure him out far enough that I could grab him (he was tall for his age and so quick!).

I will say a switch flicked by the time he was 4 and he became a super-easy kid. Eats anything (or at least gives it a go), wears whatever's next on the pile, happily wanders into school etc. So even the most dedicated, lying in the middle of the road screaming child isn't permanently like that!

If it helps, my 4 year old is a terror at times.

He will still cry when he doesn’t get his own way, will scream NO if another child goes near what he is playing with...yet insists on sharing their toys

I’m dreading him starting school this year

Sounds normal.

Suggest assertiveness, eg broken record technique and “boundaries” with your DM, who is being unhelpful at best.

Very normal! DC is a bright and energetic child who is well behaved about 60% of the time, but the other 40% she is like the Anti-Christ.
Time outs and an explanation as to why it’s happening is the only thing that ever works, and it’s hard to do them everywhere we go.

We were once in Aldi and they were screaming and rolling on the floor, I was explaining why they were about to have a time out if they carried on whilst trying my best to fireman lift them out of there, when an old lady tutted and told me they was naughty. I told her to shut up and mind her own bloody business.
They were actually tried from a long day at nursery and throwing a strop as they couldn’t eat Nutella for dinner.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old - he’s pushing the boundaries to see how far he can get. They all do it at some point!!
My 2 and a half year old is utterly feral! He displays most of the behaviours you describe above, but is also a total kamikaze child with no sense of danger whatsoever He will climb on anything that happens to be an inch off the ground.
He has two different settings: boundary-pushing horror, and overly affectionate cutey!

I have a very placid, happy little toddler that usually always does as he is told.

Until recently - we now get him fighting us off and complaining about everything.

He is 20 months. I’m buckling in.

Normal! I have three DC and two were more or less like this, one a gem, but I don't think your DM is right about lack of discipline being the issue. You can't discipline them at this age. Distraction, firm boundaries, tactical ignoring and repetition of said boundaries are the only things that really work. If she can't manage him when he is with her then that is HER problem. When he's at nursery they will reinforce their rules. At her house then she needs to let him know her rules.
Two year olds don't magically know how to behave , we have to teach them, and they have goldfish memories, so we have to reinforce, remind and redirect. All the frickin time.

Sounds normal to me - my 18 month old is completely unreasonable. He’s (usually) absolutely lovely in the park, or at playgroup, but a complete nightmare anywhere like a cafe or places where he’s expected to sit fairly still and stay within a certain area. I just can’t control him, he doesn’t listen or care about consequences. My family are making noises about him being spoiled, but I don’t know how I can change him at the moment. The key is not taking him anywhere where he can’t just run about....

You just described my 19 month old. There are times when he is much nicer to be around than others.

Sounds completely normal to me. Also, remember that DM is remembering things, possibly a little rose-tintedly.

I remember my mother saying about some two year old, 'mine NEVER did that', and my much other sister turned around and said 'Mum, don't be so silly, at least two of them did'!

I have four DC although the youngest is only a baby so time will tell with him.

My first DC was an absolute angel as a toddler, dream child. I was so smug about it, figured I’d obviously worked the parenting thing out and had no idea what everyone found so difficult. Then I had my second child 😬.

She was a humongous shock to my system... Just hard work pretty much from birth onwards and is still the toughest now eight years later. As a toddler she refused to use public toilets to the extent she got a UTI from holding wee in so much, she hated doors being closed, dogs, any flying insect at all, birds, being hot, me not being in the room, strangers, my Mum... If anyone so much as looked at her she’d scream. Christ on a bike, so so tough.

Every child is different so don’t listen to anyone who tells you their child is perfect and would never act like that, especially if it’s their first! You’re doing just fine.

It does sound normal. Your son obviously wants control over some areas of his life! Give him as much choice as possible and don't sweat the small stuff. Really does it matter if he sits on his own seat on the bus? If it's busy give him the choice of him on your knee or you on his knee! If he doesn't be want to wear his coat just carry it, when it rains he will put it on. Blue cup or red cup?

I do think they need consequences for not following instructions though. We use a time out step if they don't follow instructions after the count of five.

If your mum thinks he is so naughty then you must have been an angel child 😇

Very normal.

My DS has just turned 2. He sounds pretty similar.

-Tantrums when he has to go in the pram.
-Wanders in every direction other than forward even when on the reins.
-Barely listens to instructions.
-Wants to feed himself despite food going everywhere.
-Wants to do things himself.
-Gets very upset if things are done for him.
-Gets annoyed at lego for not working the way he wants it to.
-He hits occasionally and bites particularly when his teeth are bad or when he's tired and frustrated.

All totally normal for his development and yours sounds completely normal too.

Let's put this in perspective here... your child has been on this planet for 730 days and your mum expects him to somehow be in control of his behaviour and emotions, to ignore all his inner desires (very Freud) and do as he's told?
Your mum IBTU.

I'm so glad to read that isn't just my DS tantrumming his way through life. He's 2.5 & wants to do Every. Single. Thing. By himself but has no interest in being shown how to do them aaghhhhh!

He also screams anytime another kid comes near him, thinks all the toys in the world are his and will gladly defend them with his life!

He also has beautiful manners, eats pretty well and 'helps' me to clean the house so he's not all bad!

He sounds pretty normal to me. I live in France and they call it ‘l’age d’ opposition ‘
or the age when they try to go against everything you suggest,
My delightful DD2, now 14, would often refuse to walk with me. I would even walk a little bit away ( if it was safe to do so) as if it I was leaving, until she ran after me.

Tbh it sounds like no one's going to want to play with your DM!!

Completely normal, you have literally described my 2 year old!

You've described my daughter too! I even had similar comments to what you're MIL said. She's 3 now and it has definitely gotten easier. Something that worked for me: I bought her a balance bike & helmet when she was 2.5 and it transformed our trips out to the local shops/park (taking the safe routes), she's no bother at all now!

Sorry- your DM, not MIL

I have a two year old. She's lovely. A pet. But she doesn't like the word no!! Meh she throws wobblerso but mostly I pick my battles wisely. Your DS sounds perfectly normal. Two is a great age!! Enjoy it!! :)

Sounds exactly like my ds, who is 2.5, and don't we fucking know it

Itsallliestheyrenotevensquare has just described my boy to an absolute tee. The absolute RAGE when I try to assist in something like putting his shoes on or zipping up his coat. Utter fury. It's hilarious. And exhausting.