Can you tell me about your 2 year old? ("No one is going to want to spend time with your child")

[loie]

So my 2 year old DS is in a bit of a pain in the ass stage.
He is the biggest pain when it comes to walking, he was out the pram from before his 2nd birthday but now really starting to be awkward and refuse to walk after a few minutes and cries and throws himself on the floor until he's carried.
He'll wander off in the direction he wants to go sometimes and you'll have to grab him and move him along, there's often a cry and a bit of a struggle but never a full blown tantrum.
He's starting shouting 'no' a lot recently.
There's been a couple of incidents where he's snatched toys or pushed at nursery but they've reassured me it's fairly normal.
There's often a tantrum with things like sitting on my knee on buses etc now that he likes to sit on his own.
Very rarely he raises his hand if he's in a proper tantrum but it's not often he has tantrums at all at home.
He's a very fussy eater since recently too.
He refuses to stand still/be carried at bus stops and is constantly trying to just wander off and throws a tantrum if he can't.

He's well behaved a split amount of time.
He'll often listen when you tell him not to touch something.
He's a good sleeper and there's never any bed tantrums.
He's learned please and thank you quite well.
He's a good walker sometimes and can be encouraged by distraction eg 'shall we go and find/do this?'
He'll sit on the floor and play happily with his toys on his own if I'm busy and there's never an issue.
He'll sit extremely well on even long bus journeys and in cars as long as he's sat on his own.

I know he can be a little horror sometimes, but to me this seems normal, I'm just checking to see as I know no other 2 year olds - my DM is completely in the habit of telling me I've got no discipline and taking him out for a few hours and I now expect her to drop him off in a mood and make comments about my 'lack of discipline'. I now don't even like him being out with her for a few hours or staying at hers because I anticipate her being in a crap mood when she returns him and having comments to make about my parenting and how 'awful' he behaves. She actually used the phrase I've quoted in the title today.
I defend myself every time and say he's 2 and his behaviour could be better and maybe my discipline could be better but it's pretty much standard and he isn't some horror child and she pretty much just scoffs in my face and tells me that if she'd have told me to do/not do something at that age then I'd have listened because she 'actually has' discipline.

Children are all different. My boys were both terrors in different ways. My 5 year old still is. My husband spent years telling me it was all my fault but Drs and family support workers have assessed and told me I'm doing everything right. When my oldest was 2 I used to let him go further back on the bus on his own, as long as he stayed on his seat. He loved it.
Reins or a wrist strap could work but mat just cause further problems. I found hours and hours at the park got us through the toddler years.

But actually your DM doesn't sound supportive. Do you have any other support to give you a break? I'd limit her visits to short, manageable situations where you are present. She doesn't deserve more if she's going to moan about him.

In the middle of it now! DS is almost 3 and has a delay in his speech, which causes a lot of frustration. However he has discovered he can say “chocolate” and it is the universal word for any food that is sweet. He’s a creature at the moment but very cute when he says “sorry”!

Normal OP!

Sounds like my (normal) 2 year old. I’d stop your mum taking him if she carries on being so vile about him & your parenting.

Normal, and to me it sounds like the good side of normal not the naughty side!
It's so normal at that age, it's a cliche the"terrible twos".
Sounds like he's really keen to assert his independence with the sitting alone on s bus thing... My DD went through a loooong phase exactly the same!
I think perhaps your mum has forgotten what toddlers are like and has unrealistic expectations. Toddlers are neither dolls nor robots.

He sounds like a normal 2-year-old to me. Children have to develop their own autonomy. It's just sometimes hard for the rest of us while they're doing it!

I'll agree with PP that maybe it would be better not to let your mum take him out, if she's just going to end up complaining about him. Give it a few months.

I run a playgroup, I'd say that describes 80% of the 2 and 3 year olds.

My youngest was pretty much like yours- my eldest was a complete little horror (but great fun). I also have it on good authority that I was the child my mother never thought she would be able to bring up- my db, like your ds, was on the more moderate scale.

My son had his first tantrum at 28 months, including lying down and thrashing in a puddle because I wouldn’t let him drive the car.
This , plus snatching, hitting and non communication carried on till he was 3. His pre school told me he was perfectly normal.

well, she ain't doing a grand job if she can't control him!

shifting the blame for crap grandparenting.

He sounds a normal 2 year old. 3hours with your DM is a long time for a toddler if she has what sounds like unrealistic expectations. What does your DM do with him? Maybe shorten the time together & make sure it's something toddler friendly like the park or if it's to her home, ensure he has plenty of toys there.

Yes, he's normal.

But it IS incredibly hard work, as you know, and your mum isn't used to it. Maybe it's best to stop leaving him with her until he is older. She clearly finds it hard to cope.