Shouted at my DP yesterday

[ShoutyQueen]

This has been bugging me since yesterday. We live opposite school. Picked children from school, were crossing our road and saw my DP in his work van, parked in front of neighbours' drive, as someone, picking their children was parked in front of ours. The person was inside the car. My DP gesticulated for him to move (the parking spot in front just became available), but the guy wouldn't budge. At that moment I recognised little boy inside the car- my son classmate's little brother and was approaching my DP, when he jumped out of his van, went to the guy in front and shouted at him: 'I asked you to leave! I live here and want to park in in my drive'.

In whole fairness both of them behaved like idiots, but only one got shouted at, when he walked inside- my DP. I really could not contain my anger at him. To make matters worse, my DM, who was visiting that afternoon, sided with my DP and was telling me to stop shouting!
DP rarely home before 6, has no idea how busy our road becomes during drop/pick times and is VERY VERY TERRITORIAL when it comes to our house/driveway/garden.
He is normally ok person, never ever shouted at me or children, but he's quite rude to other drivers when in a car.

Did I have the right to shout at him yesterday?

I wouldn't bother with being polite to someone who parked across my drive. They're clearly a twat and don't deserve niceties.

To be honest you both sound a bit unhinged. Him for going nuclear as his opening response to someones inconsiderate behaviour, and you for shouting your mouth off in front of everyone. I think you could both benefit from taking a deep breath first and conducting your day to day interactions with others, and each other, with some civility.

There's courtesy and there's taking the piss. I'm with your dp. Do you really care what the guy thinks, and so what if it's awkward. He shouldn't have parked across a drive. Perhaps he will think in future before he parks.

I think you're letting you're letting your embarrassment get in the way of your judgement. I would be furious if someone brazenly blocked my drive and then I refused to move, regardless of pick ups and drop offs

Shouting at someone isn’t going nuclear and he tried to make the person move first.

I can’t understand why anyone was shouting at anyone, to be honest. Surely “Could you move forward a bit so I can get into my drive?” Oh, sorry mate, yes of course” would have been the exchange?

But whoever posted “ undermining him in his own home and then going full fish wife “- the 1950s called and want their attitudes back.......

I think maybe your embarrassment may have clouded your judgement a bit here. I’m with your DH. We have parking issues at school and it drives me mental at how entitled people are when it comes to parking. I’m with your dh on this one I’m afraid

My parents live infront of a school, behind the house there is private parking, each house has 2 spots. The amount of times I used to get home and someone was parked in our spaces, used fo wind me up, I ended up just parking behind them, wait for them to come round and ask me to move. Then I would explain they cant park there

I wouldn't be polite to someone who parked across my driveway. People who do that are dickheads and you have no obligation to be polite to them until they have moved their car.

Nicknacky this might sound a little self righteous but even if someone is being unreasonable i think gesticulating from a car, which is aggressive and hard to judge what he actually means, then shouting is crappy behaviour and a shocking example to theirs, and the bad parkers child.

Yeah this guy was in the wrong, and definitely needed to be told, but aggression is hardly a good thing. Why do people seem to confuse assertiveness with being shouty?

Your DP was in the right, i dunno what you're on about tbh, you must have a lovely easy life if your partner shouting someone off your own drive is the stuff you 'cant contain your anger' about.

Of course he was in the right. Doesn’t mean he ought to be shouting at people, though.

was he parked in front of your drive or in front of your house because he is in front of your drive not letting him park in his drive he was right

Yabu as was the parker. Why feel embarrassed? The parker was in the wrong. Do you normally defer to CFs?

Ever You are assuming it was an aggressive gesticulation. It could have easily have been a motion to say “move”. Hard to describe by the written word 😂.

People are allowed to shout. They are human. In an ideal world not one would shout it get annoyed, but I’m sure the rude school day will get over being shouted at someone.

I can understand your DP getting frustrated, particularly if he was tired from work and just wanted to get in and put the kettle on.

What I find quite chilling is when you say I really could not contain my anger at him. Is it common for you to not be able to contain your anger? It sounds like the incident outside was a bit of a non-event - the driver was being belligerent and your DP was a bit ratty and frustrated. However your reaction to start shouting at a grown man in his own home I find disturbing. If you struggle to control your anger then see your GP who can refer you on for support with this.

God, what happened to my spelling lol.

You say your DP is territorial over your drice, do you often get CFs blocking it?

Nicknacky I think gesticulating from a car is very easily interpreted as being aggressive. For all bad parker knew, OP's husband just thought he was another parent after a space and wanted his. I doubt he parked there and wouldn't shift knowing it was OP's drive.

I don't think shouting to resolve problems is acceptable or normal. Fortunately not everyone feels this way although far too many people for my liking do.

Your embarrassment made you display a huge lack of loyalty to your DP.

Why should some rude twat, whose parked across your drive, and won't move, get more consideration than your DP.

Have a good hard think.

I would be well pissed off if I was your DP.

Unless there is some back story.

You need to apologise, sincerely.

“Yabu as was the parker. Why feel embarrassed? The parker was in the wrong. Do you normally defer to CFs?”

Well, I don’t- but I don’t shout at them or gesticulate wildly at them. I “use my words” as they say. Specifically “Could you move along please so I can get into my drive?”

But OP has no idea if her dp tried that when she turned up. He was waiting for them to move and a space came free, it was only when they didn't move into it he got out.

Ill shout at someone if they ignore me when they are being CFs.

You're only embarrassed because you knew the person, your DP had every right to be annoyed

“Your embarrassment made you display a huge lack of loyalty to your DP.“

I don’t think anyone’s covered themself in glory in this scenario. But I see no reading why I should be “loyal” to my dp if I think he’s behaves like a duck.