Fed up with friends taking the pee. Aibu?

[dragonflyflew]

I have a health condition which causes pain and fatigue. Through years of stress and depression and medication changes, disability etc I found that a diet completely free from meat and dairy really helps and gives me energy etc
I try really hard to follow this diet and for a while was completely vegan but I’ve found it hard to maintain and I have occasional slips so have stopped calling myself vegan as it feels dishonest although I still eat primarily plant based and follow lots of vegan groups and buy vegan products.
As an aside, I also try and do volunteering when I can, low level community and eco stuff and some politics...I don’t constantly talk about any of this.
I have a group of friends who are constantly taking the piss out of my being a fake vegan, bloody do-Gooder and most recently a self righteous cunt.
This really hurts my feelings and I find it hard to defend myself as it’s all said with ‘love’ and ‘fondness’ and we’re only joking...
It’s also tricky as I’d only recently become friends again with one of the group as I’d got so sick of her putting me down.
I recently told one I found it a bit much when she sent me pics (unsolicited) of strangers’ cocks (men she is dating/chatting to) and I know I have a reputation for being defensive/ standing up for myself so I am treated like a prickly and oversensitive twat.
I’ve now muted the group chat we’re in (as clearly has another friend) but I don’t know if I should say something or not. I feel they’re trampling on my boundaries, I’m nothing but kind to them and would never pick on their foibles etc especially not in a shared arena.
This morning there was yet another poke ‘at least he’s not a fake veggie like dragon’ and I just ignored it.
The cock pics felt quite offensive and this constant tirade about my eating habits is just boring but also upsetting as they know how much my health impacts on my life
Would you say something or am I being prefabs a self righteous cunt?
Aibu to mute them not want to face this crap on a daily basis?

They're not your friends.

OP, this is nothing to do with you lifestyle choices. You are just trying to be friends with someone who clearly doesn't like you and is a massive twat.

Please don't make this into a veg/non veg thing. It is a you/twat friend situation.

Leave the group, don't engage with her and look to spend time with people who actually make your life happier.

And I know there will be people who know far better than me but AFAIK I think that sending you unsolicited porn is harrasment.

Agreed this is not a friend. Get rid

Do adults actually behave like this? This is bullying. Totally ditch them and delete the group for your own mental health. You'll feel so relieved! Good luck

These people are not your friends. Ditch them.

I work within a field that deals with sex offenders. I find the pics quite triggering for many reasons!
It’s three friends altho the mickey takers are now two since I stood up to the third one and we didn’t speak for around two years, it made things v awkward and one of them still takes the piss out of me for standing up to the other one, i see them every day due to locality, school etc.
I only have a very small group of friends locally and I seem to have somehow become the butt of their jokes...
they do joke around with each other too but it’s completely different, much less personal and not so relentless .
I love to be an idiot and I’m not always politically correct etc but feel like I’m being pigeonholed because of my interests , dietary requirements and opinions and if I do anything that doesn’t fit that then it’s perfectly ok to make me feel bad for not fitting this weird box they think I’m in!

Why do you still hang out with these people? cut them out of your live asap. And find yourself some worthy friends.

Sorry that they have treated you the way they did

Thank you for replies everyone
I know I should address it with them but I also know they’ll try to minimise my feelings and it won’t be worth it
I’m actually upset this morning because of it so I know it’s not right to wake up to that shit in your inbox.
Sadly this has been a pattern my whole life and has meant I’m now estranged from my toxic mum and a sibling, a lot of these behaviours remind me of my mum and sister and I guess that’s partly why it’s affected me so much, it’s been all week like this.
I worry that if I keep warranting people because of how they speak to me then it’s actually me with the problem and not them?!
It’s so confusing, hence me coming here rather than talking about it ‘irl’ , I’ve been told more than once ‘you’re too sensitve’

Excuse all the typos, for the record: I’ve never warranted someone and I’m not even sure what it means...

You seriously need new friends and to dump these idiots!!
I know I should address it with them I wouldn't bother, I really wouldnt.
I'm a veggie. I have friends that are veggie but from time to time dabble with vegan. No one from the meat eating set mocks them or makes a joke even.
You are their target to take the piss out off and it says more about them than you.
You can either carry in as you are ( not a good option) or you can back off from them ( the better option) you can do it as an immediate cut off, like ripping a plaster, it hurts for a shirt while but the pain you had goes or you can slowly distance yourself. Thus is more drawn out and just prolongs the shit.

You will meet new friends from the volunteering or go on meet up for ethical living groups near you to join up with.
Good luck but dont put up with anymore shit.

You're three friends are b*ches. They aren't nice to you. The one who sent you dick picks from other men is particularly nasty ahole.
Just drop them.
They don't even like you, if they put you and your interests down. I bet you don't like them either, if you think about i.

Once you've cleared the crappy hangers-on out of your life, you'll have space to hang around with new friends from your political and charity interests. Or join a club. And find other people who are "mostly"vegan like you too.

Arent unsolicited dick picks illegal? Sending out porn or something like that!
Disrespectful in any case!

I suspect you are drawn to exactly these kind of people because of the behaviour you have grown to expect from your mother. Ditching them when you realise this says nothing bad about you. You are worthy of kind friends.

It’s them, not you. They are dicks.

You could try enforcing your boundaries firmly (e.g. ‘what made you think that was an acceptable thing to do?’ Hard stare. Tell them it’s inappropriate)

It might mean they take offence but at the moment, as you say, you’re the butt of their jokes. No friends would be better than these. I’d work on broadening your social circle, there will be others.

I know I should address it with them

... but, like, why?

Lots of people on Mumsnet and in the world get all uppity about 'having it out' with people, but I fail to see the value. You aren't going to change who they are. You aren't going to get an apology.

Just fade out of their lives, and enjoy being you. If they ask, you can say, "To be honest, I'm not getting anything great out of this friendship, and am enjoying myself more without it. All the best."

It's a lot more peaceful for YOU to exit this way, rather than engage in some sort of fantasy showdown where wrongs are righted.

As said before, these are NOT your friends! This is bullying and you deserve better.

It sounds like you can't totally avoid them in real life but can you block them on messages, whatsapp and emails?
If you see them in person I would say a non-committal 'hi' in passing but not stop to chat. Just be really busy with other stuff if they ask you to social events.

I know it is hard to find new friends but you sound like a really good egg and I am sure there are people out there who will treat you properly.

I did do a minor strop as I just couldn’t leave it unsaid ‘He probs doesn’t pretend to be veggie if he does it on principle.
It’s a lot harder to cut out animal and dairy if you love it but have health issues and are doing it to give yourself a better quality of life’ . I’m crying now tho, just because I don’t look unwell I shouldn’t have to keep on explaining and justifying myself to people, it’s so wearing!
I got a ‘sorry hun I was just joking I know you try hard’
I wanted to not say anything at all but ... I know they’ll be all ‘buzz kill’ now behind my back! Fuck it, at least I’ve said it now!
eek!

thecatsthecats this is def my downfall, wish I could be more like you!

You don't need to address anything.

Cut them off. Block them.

Look for friends with the same values you have.

So, not only do they have no respect for your beliefs and personal boundaries, they outright trample over them every chance they get, in the foullest way possible?

Definitely not friends. And I'm sure you'll make real friends, once you stop wasting time and energy on these toxic, unpleasant 'frenemies'.

(And good on you for finding a diet that helps manage your health condition and working so hard on maintaining it.) Any real friend would be supportive of that, not mocking or undermining it.

If one of my "friends" called me a self righteous cunt shes be picking her teeth up off the floor, they are not your "friends" that shit is as passive aggressive as fuck

Pinotjo ikr! it came off the back of me saying I didn’t like the dick pics.
She’s just responded she didn’t know my veganism was to do with health issues, I replied to her that she was actually living in my house when I started the diet plan!
We discussed it more than once

dragonflyflew How many times will you have to be told that these people are not your friends? You don't have to justify yourself to them
Ignore them. Delete their contact details. Block them. Join a book club or something to meet new people and slowly you'll make new friends. And when you do make new friends don't tell them your medical history or dietary choices. They don't need to know.

I wouldn’t just mute the group, I’d leave the group completely. Without an explanation or “addressing”. If you think this is friendship I feel really really sorry for you.
Leave the group, block their numbers and stand up for yourself. If you see one of them and they approach you just say you were sick of being the butt of their jokes, you wish them well but you’re not interested anymore.
Then get onto MeetUp app and find some new groups to socialise with.