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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up with friends taking the pee. Aibu?

77 replies

dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 09:16

I have a health condition which causes pain and fatigue. Through years of stress and depression and medication changes, disability etc I found that a diet completely free from meat and dairy really helps and gives me energy etc
I try really hard to follow this diet and for a while was completely vegan but I’ve found it hard to maintain and I have occasional slips so have stopped calling myself vegan as it feels dishonest although I still eat primarily plant based and follow lots of vegan groups and buy vegan products.
As an aside, I also try and do volunteering when I can, low level community and eco stuff and some politics...I don’t constantly talk about any of this.
I have a group of friends who are constantly taking the piss out of my being a fake vegan, bloody do-Gooder and most recently a self righteous cunt.
This really hurts my feelings and I find it hard to defend myself as it’s all said with ‘love’ and ‘fondness’ and we’re only joking...
It’s also tricky as I’d only recently become friends again with one of the group as I’d got so sick of her putting me down.
I recently told one I found it a bit much when she sent me pics (unsolicited) of strangers’ cocks (men she is dating/chatting to) and I know I have a reputation for being defensive/ standing up for myself so I am treated like a prickly and oversensitive twat.
I’ve now muted the group chat we’re in (as clearly has another friend) but I don’t know if I should say something or not. I feel they’re trampling on my boundaries, I’m nothing but kind to them and would never pick on their foibles etc especially not in a shared arena.
This morning there was yet another poke ‘at least he’s not a fake veggie like dragon’ and I just ignored it.
The cock pics felt quite offensive and this constant tirade about my eating habits is just boring but also upsetting as they know how much my health impacts on my life Sad
Would you say something or am I being prefabs a self righteous cunt?
Aibu to mute them not want to face this crap on a daily basis?

OP posts:
dollyandshirl · 20/06/2019 13:03

they are not your friends.

just leave the group, ditch them from your social media, what's the worst that can happen if you delete them - they call you a cunt? they already did that. When you see them a quick smile or 'hi' and keep on walking, too busy to stop and chat, oh yes we must meet for a catch up, so busy.

you don't owe anyone an explanation, you will achieve nothing by posting an 'I'm leaving the group' message to the group, they'll pick on you for that as well. if they notice you're gone and message you just tell them you have no time for it, or don't reply at all. No response is a response.

fuck those people.

Upfeet · 20/06/2019 13:09

I stopped reading at the bit where your friends sends you pics of strangers' cocks. Wtf? Get new friends! Hang out on your own. This is not normal behaviour. Tell them to get away from you.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 13:13

dolly absolutely right! After being called every name under the sun in jest I guess not much else can hurt me!
I’m on a day off today, spent whole effing day in bed after dropping kids off , I had 101 things to do am in extreme pain and so tired it’s like wading through treacle despite napping. This is my life. I’m having a shit time a lot of the time even tho I laugh and joke and have fun when I can, this is my reality. She’s lived with me, she’s seen how bad it gets.
I have done things to help the meanest one so many times when she has supportive family etc she’s never done anything in return even when I put her up she was full of promises but was actually very mean to me and my kids in our home hence asking her to go and my being accused of making her kids homeless!

OP posts:
Dora26 · 20/06/2019 13:21

As well as ending your toxic association with these people- they are not anyones definition of friends - you seriously need to do some work with a good therapist about why you allow people like this space in your life.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 13:25

Dora26 I’m on a waiting list for therapy at the moment as this kinda stuff keeps cropping up. It takes too much of my brain space as i have ocd anxiety so I find it extra draining!

OP posts:
BlueJava · 20/06/2019 13:32

Crikey!! I am broad minded - but I am horrified you'd be sent those pics and they are not your friends. You sound lovely OP! Don't be swayed by these people who are not friends. Many people try to eat most meals vegan or vegetarian but are not 100% vegan or vegetarian, it's perfectly reasonable, it doesn't make any of us "fake". Doing voluntary work is excellent - and can be a win/win for those you help and you, it's not "do gooding" at all. I think you need to delete the group chat, come out the the group entirely and find some nicer people to hang around with - seriously!!

Towelsareblue · 20/06/2019 13:47

God they sound awful, def walk away Op and you deserve different supportive friends in your life.

SavingSpaces2019 · 20/06/2019 13:57

she called you her 'primordial dwarf'?! Shock Angry

I'd just cut the lot of them off, completely block them.

These kind of people are not friends, they're not even 'frenemies'.
They are vile, abusive bullies who have chosen you to be their perpetual victim.
They've pulled you into their circle by pretending to be your friend on a superficial level.

I've met people like this OP.
They are disgusting pathetic apologies for human beings and i wouldn't think twice about being extremely blunt with them before cutting them off for good.

Beautiful3 · 20/06/2019 13:57

Im sorry but friends don't do this. You need to delete your app and stop interacting with them. Start new hobbies and make new friends.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 14:09

God I love you guyses! And the do-gooding stuff I do, they also know I have very chaotic parents who are homeless people and I can’t bear to be near them. I’ve always cared about people and hate suffering so one of the things I occasionally do is homeless outreach work and I’m honest that it’s partly o assuage my guilt about not supporting my own parents, o don’t do it to look good but obviously in some level it makes me feel better about myself!
Caring about the environment is self explanatory and all of us could do better, me included so whenever they see me with a plastic anything I’d get all the fake jokes too. Gosh this is cathartic!

OP posts:
Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 14:15

I deleted the group chat btw. Won’t be long before they notice. Another friend was in the group but bowed out early, she’s married and I presume that the dick pics got too much, I can’t ask her as she’s more the other one’s friend than mine but she’s definitely backed off from her over the years and does a good job of keeping her fortress up. Somethings are easier when you’re not home alone.

OP posts:
Marylou2 · 20/06/2019 14:17

Oh poor you OP. These people are not friends. I have a friend who's been recently diagnosed with Coeliac disease. I bought a gluten free cookbook and I'm working out what cook for dinner next time she comes round. I can't imagine receiving pics of random genitalia from anyone let alone a friend. You deserve better.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 14:37

Marylou2 what a lovely thing to do , your friend is very lucky Flowers

OP posts:
pollypenguin01 · 20/06/2019 14:45

OP I would love a friend like you!
Stop selling yourself short and putting up with the awful way they are treating you, you are worth so much more than that.
It will end up chipping away at your self esteem even if you can just brush it off now.

Happynow001 · 20/06/2019 14:57

I have a group of friends who are constantly taking the piss out of my being a fake vegan, bloody do-Gooder and most recently a self righteous cunt.
...

I recently told one I found it a bit much when she sent me pics (unsolicited) of strangers’ cocks (men she is dating/chatting to)

These people are not your friends OP. Friends don't treat their friends like this. Sounds like you would be better off muting or blocking them from your social media your life in general as they don't seem to be supporting you adding adding anything positive to your life.

Also what thecatsthecats said at 09:47.

I'm assuming you've deleted all the "dick pics" from your phone/device also : clean sweep of as much negative people/things from your life as possible.

I would rather be totally alone than have "friends" like this in my life.

Enjoy the rest of your day!🌹

Mxyzptlk · 20/06/2019 15:01

when you do make new friends don't tell them your medical history or dietary choices. They don't need to know.

You shouldn't have to keep it secret.
Just mention "I don't usually eat meat or dairy" or something like that if it's relevant e.g. if you're asked to their place for a meal.

I'm glad you're out of the group chat. They're being horrible and you're much better off without them.

carla1983 · 20/06/2019 15:05

Ugh. I would be quite annoyed if a friend sent me a picture of a stranger's cock.

It violates the privacy of the person the cock belongs to (bet he didn't know she was sending it to her friends) and does not paint the sender of the picture in a good light at all.

I wouldn't be friends with anyone who called me a c--t.

carla1983 · 20/06/2019 15:05

If it were me, I'd get rid.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 15:52

Oh there are so many more things but I don’t want to get into a ranty slating. I’ve definitely been blinkered by my past experiences and make too many excuses for people.
I’m relieved to have deleted the group chat and I don’t feel any residual loyalty now which is definitely going to make life easier and I will start limiting how much they can see of my online ‘life’
i spend a lot of time on soc media as don’t always have energy to do real socialising so I can’t get rid of it altogether but when I get to the end of the rope with someone, I’m done, I have no spare energy for people who make me feel like shit about myself, even if it takes me a while to wake up...once I’ve assessed it and realised these people don’t respect me nor do they care about me so they can fuck off!

OP posts:
Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 15:55

Happynow001 yes I have removed all the evidence, having it around just depresses me! Thank you, the rest of my day is shaping up well, school play , lovely (vegan) cafe with a book, off to hairdressers later and my diy gel nails kit has arrived (several upcoming weddings!)
I also have a wedding present to make so things are looking up! Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 16:09

mxy agreed... I was illegally sacked due to my health issues, a friend asked why I tell people and why not keep it secret but it hugely impacts on me, my commitment levels, my memory as well as constant pain, meds side effects etc. If people don’t know then I just look like a flake which I was until I was diagnosed.
People in my life need to know. It isn’t all I’m about but it is a big part of me (mores the pity).

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 20/06/2019 16:15

‘I didn’t realise that it was for health reasons, I just thought you were a cunt’.

And, block!

You sound great. They sound awful. You just need to polish your boundaries.

Original poster
dragonflyflew · 20/06/2019 16:36

SandAndSea it’s such a low blow isn’t it? Now so much makes sense to me. This woman is as brittle as they come, does not take an criticism or anything lightly and will be in floods of tears over the tiniest slight so it’s not even as though she doesn’t know how upsetting words can be!
We’re done now, honestly, the bullying has only just hit me but now it’s like a flood of memories and stories about other people in her life who she’s treated abysmally. I definitely hung around too long.

OP posts:
Dora26 · 20/06/2019 23:14

Dragon I am so glad you are going to do some therapy. Meanwhile you sound like a sensitive and lovely person - please distance yourself from anyone who causes you this kind of hurt

coshewasaprick · 21/06/2019 00:13

Why not just delete them off your social media?