Ex wants to get back together. Please advise.

[hmga90]

Me and ex broke up several weeks ago. I was devastated, and now that I’ve seen him, realised I still am. We were together 4 years, lived together for 2.

After our split he allowed me to stay in his flat assuming I paid the rent. 3 weeks ago he contacted me through his sister (who I am good friends with) saying he couldn’t cope living at home and wanted the flat back but would give me as much time as I needed to move out. Fair enough I thought and moved out within ten days.

So here it comes: we were going through a really bad patch 2 years ago and I ended up cheating on him after a drunken night out in town. Immediately regretted it and went home and told him the truth. We didn’t split up, but I worked as hard as I could to get his trust back.

I had to go to his flat today as I realised I hadn’t changed my shipping address on my Amazon account- his sister is on holiday and it’s a present for a friends birthday tomorrow so had to go today.

Messaged him on Facebook (deleted his number) and he told me to come round this afternoon and did I have five minutes for a chat?

Ended up spending nearly 6 hours there. It has come out he cheated on me twice- but not just that, the girl is pregnant. He insists he’s heartbroken without me and I do genuinely believe that. He wants to get back together

I’m in a dilemma here- on one hand I feel I should forgive him because I did it to him and he forgave me but on the other does it make it twice as bad a) because he knows how it feels and b) there is a baby involved.

It gets stickier- the girl he has got pregnant is a known drug addict, heavy drinker and a general psychopath so post DNA ex has said he will be fighting for custody- and I don’t know if I could get dragged into a drama with this girl who a friend has told me “will fucking kill me” if she finds out me and ex have got back together because she has it set in her mind that they are together despite ex insisting they are not and even having to call the police on her because she keeps turning up at his work (fortunately doesn’t know where he is lives and it’s a gated block of flats and ex knows the majority of the neighbours who will never let her near him or me fortunately)

I have no idea what to do. I still love him so very much but I don’t deal with stress well.

Hmm, OP hasn't been back. Don't think she liked the answers. I just hope she takes the advice to stay away from him, and more immediately importantly, to get an STI check asap.

Is it certain that it's his baby?
Whether it is or isn't - run!

I wonder if OP hasn't been back because it's a fake story. It's almost to extreme to be possible, the whole situation plus her actually considering getting back with him. Nobody in their right mind would consider it.

Ah OP
As a PP said
I'm sorry but you are mental to even consider it. You'll be chucking your life away playing step mum to a baby with a druggie psychopath mother. Hell no

I agree . Please look after yourself

BIG FAT NO.

He wants you to hold his hand because he’s got HIMSELF, not you, not you as a team, into a mess. I bet it was more than twice. Get yourself tested for everything ASAP and run for the hills.

I guarantee in a year and probably far less than that you’ll be looking back at your relationship and this break up going “thank god I’m out of that shitshow”

Run fast, you will be so much happier in the long run without this drama in your life. Even if everything works out it will hand over your relationship forever.

Hang over**

That poor little baby... being born into this mess

Nearlythere1 I think so, I've been trying to 'encourage' her to return, but no luck.

You deserve a better life than this. Let him sort out his mess on his own.

Run.like.the.wind.

Seriously!

Oh come on OP, love is not THAT blind! Surely you can see the path you need to run down (very fast) clear as day?!

Imagine your little sister or best friend was in this situation. What would you advise her to do?

It’s a shame Jeremy Kyles been cancelled he could have sorted out this mess ☹️

I’m joking btw, OP this guy just wants you to help take care if his kid. Don’t do it!! Yes you had a one night stand, he’s had a full blown affair (I highly doubt she got pregnant after one night together).

Leave. Move on.

it’s a gated block of flats and ex knows the majority of the neighbours who will never let her near him or me fortunately)

Poor girl, sounds like your ex took advantage of her and now wants you to raise his love child but at least his neighbours will be your bodyguards

NO! He's come crawling back because he's freaked out. Tell him to sod off!

"Rough patches, both cheating, you when drunk, him with a druggie. Bloody nora. This relationship isn't a keeper.

He had unprotected sex with a drug addict. Did he then have unprotected sex with you? Have you had the full range of STD checks yet? God knows what she's given you via him."

I agree with the posters that no good can come of this.

He most likely wants a mother replacement for his child and someone to support him in that shitshow. Also be aware that if the mother uses drugs or drinks while she's pregnant, the child may have foetal alcohol syndrome or be negatively affected in other ways that could impact on everyone involved.

Run!

Let him sort out his mess - have nothing to do with it. If you really want to get in touch in a couple of years and see how he's doing, then if you really are a good match it won't be too late.

However I suspect that he won't have any interest in raising his child alone without you there. He's shown himself to be untrustworthy and selfish - and as someone else pointed out, he didn't even seek you out to talk out this - it was just because you happened to be dropping by!

Not at any point does he seem to have put you first. So you have to do that, and walk away

Dig deep and find some self-respect.

How is this even a dilemma?