Ex wants to get back together. Please advise.

[hmga90]

Me and ex broke up several weeks ago. I was devastated, and now that I’ve seen him, realised I still am. We were together 4 years, lived together for 2.

After our split he allowed me to stay in his flat assuming I paid the rent. 3 weeks ago he contacted me through his sister (who I am good friends with) saying he couldn’t cope living at home and wanted the flat back but would give me as much time as I needed to move out. Fair enough I thought and moved out within ten days.

So here it comes: we were going through a really bad patch 2 years ago and I ended up cheating on him after a drunken night out in town. Immediately regretted it and went home and told him the truth. We didn’t split up, but I worked as hard as I could to get his trust back.

I had to go to his flat today as I realised I hadn’t changed my shipping address on my Amazon account- his sister is on holiday and it’s a present for a friends birthday tomorrow so had to go today.

Messaged him on Facebook (deleted his number) and he told me to come round this afternoon and did I have five minutes for a chat?

Ended up spending nearly 6 hours there. It has come out he cheated on me twice- but not just that, the girl is pregnant. He insists he’s heartbroken without me and I do genuinely believe that. He wants to get back together

I’m in a dilemma here- on one hand I feel I should forgive him because I did it to him and he forgave me but on the other does it make it twice as bad a) because he knows how it feels and b) there is a baby involved.

It gets stickier- the girl he has got pregnant is a known drug addict, heavy drinker and a general psychopath so post DNA ex has said he will be fighting for custody- and I don’t know if I could get dragged into a drama with this girl who a friend has told me “will fucking kill me” if she finds out me and ex have got back together because she has it set in her mind that they are together despite ex insisting they are not and even having to call the police on her because she keeps turning up at his work (fortunately doesn’t know where he is lives and it’s a gated block of flats and ex knows the majority of the neighbours who will never let her near him or me fortunately)

I have no idea what to do. I still love him so very much but I don’t deal with stress well.

Why didn't he use a condom? Get yourself an STI test and leave this car crash behind, you can do a lot better.

As per your previous thread, he likes to pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it. You would be mad to get back into it with him if he’s been cheating with a drug addict, on top of everything else. I feel sorry for the baby. Get an STI test and go away somewhere or do something to take your mind off of him. Your boss had given you a week off, find a cheap flight or train and get away from this insane drama. I’m not saying run away from your problems, just a change of scene and boost. Also. It’s not actually your problem. At all. You’re just convinced that somehow it is. You’re never going to be playing house with a guy that kept dumping you and a drug addict’s baby.

Ok, so you both cheated, and if you didn’t use a condom either you could be just as likely to have caught something from the guy you cheated with - testing is in order on all sides.

And this:

That's a pretty shitty thing to do, a pretty shitty way to treat her. You might be trying to write her of as a psycho, but the reality is that she is vulnerable and known to be vulnerable and he took advantage of that.

We really don’t know this girls story and throwing labels like psycho around sounds a bit shitty.

It really doesn’t sound like a relationship made in heaven!

I think one of the most appalling things is that, after impregnating a very vulnerable woman (quite possibly when she was unable to give informed consent, which makes him a rapist) he refuses to offer her any support during her pregnancy . He calls the police on her for fucks sake!

Fortunately his actions will count very heavily against him when he attempts to steal her child, and if the child has to be adopted it will go to a kind, l famil y.

Ffs posted too soon.

Baby should go to a kind living family, not a shithead.

And if the OP is considering, even for a nano second supporting her ex/partner with this, I think they deserve each other.

Do you want want to tie your life to a man who will be raising a child with foetal alcohol syndrome?

You still love him and that makes it so hard, but you are in love with an idea, you and him a happy family where he is treating you nicely. That can't ever be the reality now, always looking over your shoulder for this other woman, court battles, raising another woman's child (very likely with additional needs) getting checked for STI's, always wondering if he's cheating again. This isn't the life you imagine when you think about your love for him. Try to focus on what it would actually be like and not the dream and then text him 'I'm sorry we both need to move on' and instantly block all numbers, Facebook and move on, don't wait for the begging reply to pull you back in.

Yeah I’d probably swerve that. What a mess. You will get over him.

What is coming across most in your posts is that you have no empathy for this poor vulnerable woman your ex used then wants to i ignore. And if he claims it only happened twice. If course it did, it is not like he is an abusive liar.

If your best friend was in your shoes and asked for advice, what would you tell her to do?

quite possibly when she was unable to
give informed consent, which makes him
a rapist

That’s a big leap to take. Just because a guy is an arsehole doesn’t mean he is “quite possibly......a rapist”

Good God no. Just no OP. If you can't see how crap this situation I'm worried for you.

This has disaster written all over it.

Run far away. Block all contact OP. Your relationship is a mess and will continue to be so. And get checked for STI’s and god knows what else.

You can do better.

Run for the hills. No one needs that much drama

Da thousand no’s, your life will be a misery, rush for the hills.

Don't go any where near him!

You cheating wad not right but not the same as what he's done. He kept up the pretence and did it again. He wasn't careful and ended up impregnating someone. This woman is vulnerable and he's making plans to shit on her even more. If she is a drug addict he had also put you at serious risk but sleeping with you both.

He sounds appalling.

I agree with a pp that I bet he used your guilt re the cheating to treat you badly and also feels it has given him carte Blanche to cheat!

Lottie no it isn't, having sex with a woman too drink to give informed consent is rape. And if she is of a substance abuser with a drink problem it is very possible she was not capable of giving informed consent.

Walk away from all this ridiculous drama and live your life in peace.

The fact OP is even on here questioning whether she should get back with this guy tells me she wants to and will.

She has no ties to the man, no kids, house, marriage certificate, nothing. There’s no reason for going back apart from one....She’s dickmatised.

He says he’ll take the baby but it’s all words. The baby will stay with the mum and he will go round for visits and accidentally fall into bed with the mother. He will sleep with both and OP will also get pregnant and will possibly end up with an incurable STI.

The lot of them will end up on whatever new version of Jeremy Kyle, channel 5 devises.

Don't do it!

Run away! Literally run.

I would be so grateful for the breakup if I was you OP! Run away from him as quickly as you can!

Get an STI check

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>

I think you’re addicted to him, he’s a habit you need to break.

You wasted 6 hours on him! Don't waste any more!