To think men that don't pay child support should be arrested?

[HappyLoneParentDay]

Ok I'm not wanting a massive row. Just often thought (after yet another fruitless call to CMS and being told for the 137th time that after 3 years & yet another 'job-hopping' instance that I "have to give him a chance to pay") that despite the CMS being able to take them to Court etc, they very rarely do. Even multiple CMS supervisors have told me on a number of occasions that it's very, very rare that they actually take someone to Court.

Yet in the US, non payment of child support after 6 months, is a criminal offence. Resulting in an arrest warrant being issued.

AIBU to think there's no reason we can't do this?

FYI: He now pays child support on time every month and has done for a while. It is just something I've never been able to understand...

I do think a lot of these cases (not saying yours) could be prevented by having children with someone who has demonstrated they are responsible and consistent over a number of years.

So many women have babies with deadbeats and wonder why they don't get child support.

I do think a lot of these cases (not saying yours) could be prevented by having children with someone who has demonstrated they are responsible and consistent over a number of years

Ermmm....my ex was very consistently responsible for the 6 years we were together prior to having children and for a couple of years after. He then started to have an affair which took 2 years to come to light. He only stopped being responsible the day he left. You'd have to ask him why - it makes no sense to me - but I can tell you that being educated, knowing someone for a good period of time, being financially stable etc. etc is absolutely no protection whatsoever from this kind of behaviour.

I'd support the OP's idea.

For people who persistently avoid paying child maintenance, there need to be consequences.

Arrest them. Fine them. Release them. Then take the fine and future payments straight out of their benefits or tax before it hits their wallets.

YANBU. There should be proper sanctions.

My Big Idea would be for child maintenance to be calculated at something like a real contribution towards bringing up a child (ie not linked to income unless their income is over a certain amount); it should be included in benefit payments to RP (NOT as part UC or something that can be stopped but paid by Govt on a regular dependable basis ). Then the government collects the debt from the NRP - but the maintenance gets paid whether NRP pays or not.

They'd be a bit more active about chasing them then. It also shouldn't stop once child reaches 18 unless they have paid the minimum payable per child over their childhood. Would also be a debt due on death out of NRP's estate.

"but I can tell you that being educated, knowing someone for a good period of time, being financially stable etc. etc is absolutely no protection whatsoever from this kind of behaviour."

Same here.

We'd been together a long time, had a long journey to dds successful arrival, dd was very much planned and wanted at the time by us both. We both had good jobs and a decent income. He came from a stable background and while it was his fathers 2nd marriage he had set a good example by being a good, supportive and involved father to his children from his first marriage. While we were together he was critical of deadbeats and "didn't understand" how some parents could be like that.

Yet as soon as he was focused on his time spent with OW after we split it was almost like he forgot he was a father to dd. (I kicked him out a few months after first suspecting the affair).

He was telling her and his family that not only was he paying child maintenance, but that I was pestering for him to pay more and frustrating his access to dd - none of which was remotely true!

I found that incredibly irritating at the time and again had I discovered mn I think I'd have found it so helpful and reassuring to realise this was not uncommon!

While I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone else, it's illuminating how so many of them behave so very similarly! With the same stories of "crazy ex won't let me see my kids and spends the child maintenance on manicures and alcohol" 🙄

I wish every woman (and the few men going through similar) knew to come on mn to be reassured that it's not their fault, that it's really common and that they're not alone.

@flamingjune123 CMS have the power to apply to court for removal of driving licence in the UK but they very very rarely use that power (they've even admitted this to me)

Non of that would help people like me.My ex is self employed and while we were together his earnings way outstripped mine.
Magically as soon as we're separated his earning dropped so he pays £85pcm.
With these low earnings and from savings we couldn't find when we did the financial settlement he bought,mortgage free,a new house.

For the total non payers it should be kept as an unpaid debt accruing interest like any other debt and affect their credit score.

Hotter in your case I'd be reporting his arse to the tax man as he's clearly not able to live on what he's declaring as taxable earnings.

You can also request cms check if his standard of living matches his claimed income.

They should clamp down on it like with the council tax. You would soon be in court and bailiffs round!!

What if they're hopeless at life, off and on benefits and don't have the mindset to support thier kids.
Do they go go to prison?
I'm exhausted with trying to get my ex to give a shit but he really can't cope with my two, I found out that he threatened to smack my nine year old in the face in a shop in town last weekend..I've stopped contact..

I feel the same way about women who stop their kids having contact with their father for no reason but spite.

I had a phone call today to say that they are pursuing exh at magistrates court for a liability order for child maintenance arrears!
I never knew they did that in “real life” as it seemed to just be one of those things listed on the website as a tool to use that was never actually used!

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER Has it been to Court yet? If not, be prepared for the likely possibility that it may never happen, despite the phone call. I've had that myself. Case Manager got changed or someone else at the CMS got involved and suddenly all talk of Court was forgotten and never mentioned again! Happens a lot with CMS, sadly

I agree with the minority on this thread. Having such a bad system to fall back (CMS) on hopefully makes women think twice about who they have sex with and who they fall pregnant with.

It takes two to tango and responsibility for contraception should be borne equally but at the end of the day I don't think it's right that women can have an abortion without the father's consent but that men can't walk away from being a parent.

No one should be forced into being responsible for raising a child and i don't blame the men who give up their job and become 'self employed' in protest.

I knew the UK laws were totally different than the US but wow I'm stunned they dont take child support more seriously. In the US your wages can and will be garnished, your license will be suspended and you go to jail for non payment. Rightly so might I add!

@AyBeeCee10 I really disagree with RPs being able to sue the NRPs parents and siblings for maintenance. They did not choose to have a child and the financial responsibility that comes with it. Imagine if one day you woke up to find that your financial future was fucked because a feckless sibling had 5 children and had stopped paying maintenance? What country is this?

Let's be honest ... If they figured how how to make men pregnant and have the babies, we'd see how fast they reintroduced debtors jail to force women who didn't pay to stump up. Quick as a flash!

I do think men should be able to relinquish their rights to parent hood in the same way a woman can put child into care or put forward for adoption and absolve herself of responsibility.

I am from a country where it is a legal option. Plenty of deadbeat fathers there, but no one actually applies for it, as it is socially frowned upon (as it would be in the UK, I suppose), and I suspect the majority of them enjoy the control they have over their ex through the child. Same old song - the ex is a bitch, does not allow me to see the children, poisoning them against me , otherwise I'd win the worlds best dad award. Also, the other side of this coin is that a permission from both parents is required for very routine things, and I know women who were unable even to sell their own property as the child is registered there and there has to be a permission from the father to re-register the child at a different address.

What about women who don’t pay it?

We’ve had my step kids for three years and despite my partner paying over the suggested amount without fail every month, we’ve never seen a penny for either child.

People seem to jump on the ‘men’ bandwagon... works both ways IMO