To think you should clean up as soon as you can after a meal

[Twolittlebears]

My DH and I split household jobs. When cooking the rule is if you cook, you clean as well. (To avoid the messy cook never being incentivized to be tidy!)

On my cooking nights I clean right away - usually before going upstairs for young DCs' bedtime, but certainly as soon as I come down if they are tired and need to go straight up.

On his nights my DH comes downstairs and starts emailing or watching TV before cleaning. It drives me nuts!

So tell me, AIBU to say after cooking a meal most people clean up straight away before relaxing?

I'm with you op. Drives me nuts. I clean as I go if I cook (which I hate doing now so DH cooks a lot) but I clean as I go and when he cooks I clean his disaster area which usually involves starting by first emptying the dishwasher... Putting every single utensil we own back in and then scrubbing hob/bench/floor/clearing table etc while he disappears.

I think if you are doing bed time routine with the kids he can clear up. That way you both can sit down after. Rather than you sit down as he goes into the kitchen to clean.

But whatever works. Im always told "i don't see it" whenever I say can you tidy.

I’d suggest you marry my father, OP, if he wasn’t married to my mother. He has been known to bolt his food, get up from the table while everyone else is only about halfway through and start doing the dishes, at a sink about two feet from the table. He cannot be brought to see why this is not conducive to nice mealtimes.

All you "clean as you go" - HOW?

Take an average meal, say pork chops and veg.
To prepare it, all you need is a knife and chopping board.
Pan to cook the chops in, and either a jug/microwave or pan/hob for the veg.
Plates and cutlery to eat off.

The only thing you can do as you go is the board and knife, unless you plate up and then make everyone wait while you go at the pans?

Otherwise, you can only clean the pans and plates and worktops and hob after the meal.

Having to do dishes/tidy/clean is boring enough, I am not going to do it twice in an evening!

It drives me nuts!

Repressed childhood memories perhaps? Did your parents rant at you to do the dishes after meals on occasion, when you'd rather having been watching TV?

I'll wipe sides and put everything in sink but it isn't getting washed until the next day!

YABU. As long as he does it before going to bed, that is ok. The reason being you are not going to prepare any many more food until breakfast time.

My DP does it at breakfast, which I do not like as I get up before him and end up preparing and eating my breakfast surrounded by greasy dishes.

I roasted veg at the same time as boiled potatoes in advance and cooked our actual meal last night (pasta). I went back to clean and tidy the kitchen a few hours later just before bed and have left the pans with the things that were cooling down, in the sink overnight to soak so I'll deal with them this morning. I like the routine of cleaning and tidying around the kitchen last thing at night, and I hate washing up immediately after eating. One of my parents would wash up before they came to sit down to eat, which meant our food would be lukewarm before we ate it I still cherish eating actual hot food now.

Husband does all the cooking (as I have a disability). I usually clean up. Sometimes straight away, but if I am tired the next morning. Not something would that would worry us.

I would clean up before sitting down to relax but if someone else was doing it (wistful sigh) I would let them do it to their own preferred timetable.

OTOH there are times when I (irrationally)feel so overwhelmed by the tasks I have to do that I have to break them down into smaller pieces, so instead of emptying the dishwasher all at once I might just put away 6 items and then do another 6 next time I’m in the kitchen or I might vacuum half the room and then do the other half after a cup of tea. Not because I’m tired or I have too much to do but because sometimes the endless circle of housework defeats me.

I prefer it to be done right away too, my husband will also leave it. And he will leave it till I tell him to get it sorted or he would go to bed and leave it. And that includes food on the hob.

I cook...clean as I go along. Dh loads dishwasher and washes pans straight away, then makes his lunch for following day. I hate seeing a messy kitchen.

YABU to get worked up. He does it his way, you do it your way, as long as whoever should be doing it does it before bed what does it actually matter?

Whoever cooks doesn't clean up in our house - they deserve a rest! but the dishes mostly get done right after eating or the next morning and we are open plan - looking a mess bothers me less after a few glasses of wine!

I prefer to get it done as soon as possible but that’s not always feasible.

Things only get left for the next day if DH and I have a drink, or are poorly or something. Nothing worse than starting the day with a days worth of dirty dishes waiting for you.

I think you should pick your battles and this isn’t one to fight

@Shesontome i hear you re being defeated by household tasks. Sometimes I just can't wipe the same fucking pans again. See also, picking up Duplo, folding away clothes.

I'm with you OP, can't stand for the mess to hang around - I'm straight on it after I've inhaled my food!

But....my DH is the opposite - he'd want to chill out after dinner and get round to it at some point.

I've learned over the years to pick my battles. We are just very different like that, and I recognise I'm a bit anal about keeping the house clean and tidy (and he's soooo not). I would personally just do it myself, I couldn't bear to sit and relax in it

We clean up straightaway, regardless of whose done the cooking.
I wash up and wipe the surfaces, he dries up and puts away.
It takes a max of 10 mins.
Then we sit down and relax with a cuppa.
We have a dishwasher, but it sits unused and unloved.

I normally like things pristine. But I have also really, REALLY learned the value of not trying to do and have it all, and how to relax when things aren't perfect.

It really is beneficial to learn how to go with the flow, and accept that not everything has to be done your way.

One thing that slightly frustrates me is when you see posts here about the 'mental load' (which I agree is a thing), but then you see posters conflating their particular standards with mental load. Like it's not enough for someone else to do a task, but that they get frustrated and fussy if it's not done 'right'.

I actually have this at work too - you have to let go if you are sharing tasks or delegating. Not pick at each other, not increase your own workload by redoing perfectly adequate work.

Ruins my morning getting up to a messy kitchen. I clean what I can whilst cooking, tidy more while food rests or cools. Then I have to finish right after eating or I can’t relax. DH on the other hand...

I don't like coming down a messy kitchen in the morning either. Sets my day off on the wrong foot. But equally I don't want to clear up straight after eating. It's nice to have a relax and digest. We all tend to pitch in later on in the evening.

My brother is the opposite, he's practically hovering over you waiting for you to finish eating/drinking. I find dining at his place quite stressful! You end up gobbling your food down really quickly.

I'm a clean up.straight after eating so I can sit down a chill. Dh is a relaxed after eating and do it before bed

My OH is retired and I work full time so he does the cooking and the clearing up during the week. He leaves it until the next morning. It does make me wince but neither of us has succumbed yet.