To think you should clean up as soon as you can after a meal

[Twolittlebears]

My DH and I split household jobs. When cooking the rule is if you cook, you clean as well. (To avoid the messy cook never being incentivized to be tidy!)

On my cooking nights I clean right away - usually before going upstairs for young DCs' bedtime, but certainly as soon as I come down if they are tired and need to go straight up.

On his nights my DH comes downstairs and starts emailing or watching TV before cleaning. It drives me nuts!

So tell me, AIBU to say after cooking a meal most people clean up straight away before relaxing?

I also clean up straight away. I like to get it done and dusted to be honest. I tend to clean up every night.

Sometimes my OH will offer to clean up but I know he won’t do it for an hour or two so I end I’m doing them anyway!!

Drives me mad.

I often come home to piles of dishes in the sink or when Oh is on a late shift he will come home for a snack and not clean a thing up.

On the rare occasion, he does wash up he doesn’t empty the water out of the bowl when he’s done and leaves it in. Why??

I shouldn’t moan but seriously?? 🤣

I clean as I go and when we sit down to eat everything is tidied away and the kitchen clean and tidy. It only takes a couple of minutes that way.

I cook, he cleans up. Sometimes he leaves it right before bed, sometimes he'll leave some pans till the next morning (not often). So long as they're cleaned that's all I care about, I'm not his mother. I don't get the dinner done at a set time every night.

You’re my mum.. aren’t you?

Please stop whisking my plate away as I take the last bite. It really fucks me off.

Yabu relax for a bit, clean up later in this house!

Damn it! I was hoping for some like minded people (and a thread to show DH) but it seems IABU.

For those who asked why I care, I just hate staring at the mess (but I'm too stubborn to clean up for him).

Let's not live together OP, I sometimes leave it for the next morning.

(because evening is valuable, productive time for other things for me, early morning not so).

I have more energy in the morning so I do it all then, before work.

And yes @RevealTheLegend I may be your Mum. Am queen of whisking the plate away

So stop staring and go into another room

As long as it's done I wouldn't mind. I'm like you clean as I go.

DH cleans up straight away. I don't and am happy to relax first and do it just before going to bed. Bit controlling to have rules about how the other person does things.

I clean as I cook. I hate a messy kitchen. My DH - on the 5 occasions in 10 years he's cooked always leave a big mess. Drove me mad 😡

We tidy up after all meals pretty much straight away. Couldn’t bear to have dishes, pots, etc on table or worktop for hours. Get the tidy up over with and then sit and relax or do whatever.

By the time I'm in from mum taxi, sorted dinner and eaten, we're hitting bedtime mode and I'm past cleaning up the kitchen for the night.

There are reasons why walls between kitchens/dining and lounges are a fantastic idea.

I have more energy to deal with it in the morning.

I do the majority as I'm cooking, the kids and DH if he's here put their own stuff and any serving dishes in the dishwasher so there's not usually much left to do after dinner.
I finish up after I've got the younger two in bed while I'm listening to The Archers.

So don't stare.

I also think this could be my mum.

I personally agree with you OP. I couldn’t relax and sit down to watch a show or read with dinner plates and food sitting around.

However, your DH is entitled to clear up the way he sees fit. And if that’s to leave it a bit, that’s fine.

It’s taken me a while to realize and appreciate and my DH and I are different and do things differently. Of course, I think my way is better but hey...

As long as it definitely gets done by him, I wouldn’t mind too much.

We have the same rule as you - I clean and tidy as I go, and by the time we eat, there’s almost nothing left to clean or clear bar the actual plates. My husband is a far more ambitious and flamboyant cook but will leave the place in a huge mess by the time we eat. So the usual “you cook, I’ll do the dishes” rule didn’t work for us at all.

If he’s dragging it out in the hope you’ll cave in and do it for him, then yes that is annoying. But if it does get reliably done by him, just closer to bedtime than dinner time, I’m afraid I don’t think you have a legitimate cause for complaint.

Usually do it just before bed... or sometimes (gasp) first thing the next morning

DH does this too, but he sometimes forgets and the mess is still there the next day. Hence, I no longer trust him to actually get to it without reminders.

It really depends on the person. I get that it would annoy you- I'm like you OP and like to clean up straight away and clean what I can while I'm cooking. I hate mess!

We clean up as soon as we've eaten, our rule is if you cook you dont wash up so we take it in turns, we also wash up as we are cooking/plating the meal, pans go into soak while we're eating,

I cook, we eat 97.30-8pm as DH doesn't get home till 7pm at earliest, then I wash he dries - straight away. Then we can both relax. Hate mess to do later, and smelly kitcen/dried-on food. Ugh! Slovenly imo

I'm the only cook !!! I try and do as much as I can as I go along. DH clears up most of the time, generally this is straight after we've eaten, but it isn't unusual for our dirty plates etc to be on kitchen side if dishwasher needs emptying or something. Sometimes one of us might attack it later in the evening (not usually me !!) Other times DH will do it following day as quite often he works from home.