Or crazy to start something with an asexual man

[onestopshort]

Would I? I am quite a sexual person . He isn't but I really really like him.

Don't bother

That way only heartbreak lies. I've seen it on here so many times.

Nope. Don’t go near him.

If you like shagging, obviously your heading for disaster. Would only work if you weren’t fussed about sex.....

Make him your friend not your lover.

Not crazy, but you need to think very, very hard about whether you'd be happy to never have sexual contact.

Not all asexual people have no sex or are sex-repulsed - he may agree to sex to please a partner, for example. But you can't count on that. Honestly you should have a real and frank discussion with him about it, only then will you know his limits and what will or won't be possible.

Wow. A lot of these short jammy dodger posts tonight.

Don’t go there! That way heartbreak lies! For both of you!

God no.

My DH has a much lower sex drive than me and that's bad enough! But asexual? Nope.

You had best have a frank and full discussion about where this is going and what expectations you both have. May I ask how old you both are?

Nope. Not if you want to be happy in the long run. You’ll become resentful and frustrated.

Nip it in the bid now.

Id say no. Unless you come to an acceptable arrangement between the two of you.

I thought I could manage a life with a low libido husband (this came out properly after we married) I'd have stayed put. In reality we didn't even like each other that much.

Exdh, his LL was probably in relation to me. He certainly weaponised our sex life and resented me greatly for having the temerity to have children and settle down with him.

Be careful...he may be being truthful or he may be the type to use it as a weapon.

Good luck OP

I thought that sadly these would be the responses . Sometimes I think he is sex repulsed , then he loves kisses and cuddles . We have dtd. It's been underwhelming and fast. He doesn't respond to advances , pretty underwear or anything of theat sort . He thinks I'm pretty and attractive and treats me as a queen . He said that he is just not into sex .
Both early thirties . What is a jammy dodger post please .
Is there any hope or way of living with it .

Jesus wept. Read what you just posted OP.

No. Just no.

Probably not unless he's OK with you having sex outside the relationship. Is he?

Can you start a friendship?

Recipe for heartbreak I'm afraid OP, sorry.

Why would you ever think this could work?

Would you and he be up for an open relationship? If so it might work. If not it can still work, but only if you’re truly and unresentfully able to accept that he’s never really going to want sex. Only you know if that’s something you can handle.

Have you got DC or is that something you want to consider? If you want DC with him will he be willing to have sex with you for that purpose?

If you are looking at this as a ltr, are you willing to potentially never have sex again? Or would you like to have sex with other people, and live with him as a friend and companion?

I have lived in a platonic (not of my choosing) marriage and I was utterly miserable. My self esteem plummeted, and I resented him for it.

He would refuse an open relationship hands down . His attitude is that he has been honest with me from the beginning and this will be the way it is if we arevtigether long term. I have tried the advances , sexy underwear but he's not interested . I hide my frustrations but he is onto me I think . We do and have dtd very rarely but afraid to get in too deep in case it ends in heartbreak

I would love a child but he is not sure . He can and does have sex . Rarely but it's so controlled and so robotic . As a person I feel very strongl about him and want more than friendship . I don't want him to feel that. He has to do it . I think he feels he does

What could you possibly gain from it, aside from a whole heap of frustration and resentment?

OP, writing an an asexual individual - everything you're describing here suggests that you need to stop this.

Maybe you get along really well as people, but if your sexual orientations are compatible and you're looking for a sexual relationship this is never going to work.

I don't doubt that you mean well, but the things you're writing about making sexual advances and wearing sexy underwear to try and spark sexual interest when he's already informed you he's asexual are huge red flags. Attempting to change or correct somebody's sexual interest will not result in a healthy relationship. Asexuality isn't the same as being not in the mood, you attempting to create a sexual situation isn't going to make him suddenly develop sexual interest in you and more that it would if you were attempting the same things with a gay man.

You want sex and he doesn't, that's unfortunate if you're otherwise compatible, but pressuring him into sex he doesn't want isn't going to make either of you happy in the long term.

I clicked with him. It's been years since I clicked with a man like this. He treats me very well . Things may improve but from the responses here I don't think I can be too hopeful