Or crazy to start something with an asexual man

[onestopshort]

Would I? I am quite a sexual person . He isn't but I really really like him.

I guess I say that I do to keep him happy but I don't truly .I do know that I make him very happy and secure by not putting pressure on him in any area o f his life. He has free rein . I do that because I love him and unless he has that freedom and space and asexual relationship, there will be no us and at the moment he is too good to lose. I have too much to lose .

Well it sounds like you are already lost in this relationship. If you cannot express your actual desires then you have no emotional intimacy with him. If he thinks you’re marvelous because he’s getting his needs met but in meeting those needs you are lying to him and yourself, then this relationship is an illusion.

If you cannot meet your partner as your true self because your true self is not compatible with the relationship then you are doing a disservice to both him and you.

You are invisibling yourself for the sake of a relationship that has no future (well not one that leads to happiness for you both).

Ideally asexual people need to be in relationships with other asexual people, or those with chronically low sex drive. He’s over the moon because he thinks that’s what he has found but he hasn’t. You’re swept up in his feelings for you but if you take his excitement for finding someone he thinks is on the same page, what else is there between you?

Don’t do this to yourself or him.

No, no, no. I have been there and it's death by a thousand cuts. I ended up drinking all the time (a habit I am still trying to break despite us having now broken up) and utterly miserable. I thought I could deal with it but I couldn't. We went on "romantic" breaks where I ended up feeling shit that all we did was cuddle. I could sense his happiness every time I got my period because he had a "legitimate" excuse. The times we did DTD he was dead behind the eyes, it was horrible and he was clearly only doing it for my benefit. Which yes also made me feel shit. Get out while you still can.

He should have his GP check his testosterone levels if he hasn't already. If they're normal for his age, just no.

Sex for a couple can be thought of as a well of forgiveness. The mutual closeness and pleasure it provides helps you through the inevitable irritations and annoyances. Some relationships are okay without it, but it's longer odds.

He loves the way you understand him but isn't concerned with understanding you.

You will feel every brush off as rejection. Lack of interest in you personally.

You are on the road to certain heartbreak.

As a different example but to possibly help you understand.

There have been many many instances of people being married o the opposite sex but who are actually gay. They manage physically if not always regularly to have a sexual relationship with their spouse. They manage because they care for the person they married and they feel it's expected from them but they don't have desire to do so or feel necessarily feel satisfaction after it.

As for asexuality like any other group there is a spectrum.
That goes from not wanting any physical contact with anyone, all the way through to not sex but certainly being ok with some sexual contact (like another poster has mentioned) in the right circumstances.

He sounds like he likes intimacy but isn't sexual which is actually very common.

You need to decide if long term you can live without sex because right now you are putting him in a position that he has already told you he doesn't want to be in, and that isn't fair on either of you.

God how on earth must men feel when their OH just lays there and thinks of England or looks ‘dead behind the eyes’. You hear women writing that stuff a lot on here, must be soul destroying for the man.

Why on earth would you go into a relationship with no sex? A long relationship losing that element due to ill health or declining libido on both sides, perhaps, but a new partnership? Sex is a huge part of relationships! If he doesn't want it, fine, but he shouldn't try to be in relationships with anyone who does. That's just selfish. And you will end up utterly miserable if you do, quite reasonably, want to have sex with the person you're going out with.

I am coming to the conclusion that my DH is asexual. We've been married 11years, two kids, haven't had sex for six years (I have a thread in relationships about it). I am deeply unhappy. I need sex in my life. Don't do it. Don't be me. At least he told you.