To wonder if I’m being too frugal?

[utterlybutterly8]

DH and I had an extravagant year in 2018 and spent about £6k beyond our means on a holiday, weekends away and various other treats. The £6k came from our own personal savings, so we were fortunate in that we didn’t take out any loans or credit cards.

This year I really want to boost our savings pot and am determined to pay the money we spent back into our savings account. We’ve paid back just over £2k so far (£450 per month).

We’re both self-employed, neither of us are high earners and paying this much into our savings each month means we have about £40-£50 each per week to spend on “fun” after everything else (except about £10-£15 each on travel fares) is paid. It’s obviously a reasonable amount but not huge - and it rules out holidays, makes it difficult to buy new clothes when old ones wear out and so on.

If we continue on this financial regime we will have paid back all the money we spent last year into our savings account by February, at which point we will obviously have a combined £450 extra spending money a month - a great amount.

However, DH is fed up with my strictness over this and says we should reduce the monthly payments and take twice as long to pay ourselves back - if not longer, as he thinks life is too short. Whereas my view is that I’d rather have eight months of relative frugality, forego a holiday and treats this year and clear the debt (to ourselves!) quicker.

AIBU to tell DH that I would really like to stick with the plan? We currently have £8k in savings and want to use the money to make improvements to our house.

I’m with you. Stick to the plan. It’s not very long Andy you can still have “fun” on the cheap. He needs to change his mindset.

*and
Don’t know who Andy is!

£40-50 per week each on fun is loads!

If he is really feeling the pinch of it, then the budget isn’t sustainable as an optional thing. It would be different if it wasn’t a matter of choices.

I would try adjusting up the discretionary allowance a bit and see how it goes from there. So don’t do anything as dramatic as cutting your savings rate in half. Maybe reduce it by 10-20% and agree to discuss it again in a month or two.

DH and I did this for about a year to pay for our wedding, similar amount too. I'm used to it now so whilst immediately after the wedding we didn't add anything to our savings and just enjoyed one month of good food, and new gadgets, we're now back to it for home DIY reasons too, and to be honest, I don't really notice it. If we want to eat out now, it's meerkat meals (or similar), if we're going our for a drink it's 2for1 cocktails or happy hour etc. I quite like to see the savings pot grow a little each month so I thinks it's worth it.

So you've got £150-200 pm free spending money each? You can buy clothes out of that if you need them surely?

If you only need £10-15 pw for travel, could you walk or cycle instead if you want the money to spend on something more exciting than bus fare - that can't be getting you great distances.

If he's spending all his money on lunches and coffees at work, can he take packed lunch instead?

That's quite a lot to spend on personal bits with nothing much to show for it. It's good to try not to spend too much as this is where money can just evaporate on crap.

If you increase it once it could start to creep again as people get used to what they have to spend very quickly. This is a good opportunity to get yourselves out of the habit of buying. I'd compromise and earmark a bit of budget for some treats here and there like a nice dinner, just so you have a few things to look forward to and it doesn't seem so grim.

Personally, I would rather pay back the money as you have planned.

Your husband would rather pay it back over a longer period.

You need to decide on a compromise. Your choice shouldn't be the default. The plan needs to be one you are both happy with and at the moment, he's not happy with the plan you have put in place.

I'm with your husband. But I'm terrible with money but great fun and have a lovely life.

Tbh I think you have to compromise - you can’t tell him what his savings have to be, it’s up to him what he wants to save

Why can't you save loads this year, and he saves less but over a longer period?

As long as he's paying his share of essentials, surely it's up to him to what he does with the rest of his money?

What geminjies said. It's got to be a joint decision.

I’m kind of with him. This isn’t a debt on a credit card so no interest. Yes it’s good to have a savings buffer but the amount and timing seems to have been plucked out of the air. You are essentially paying yourselves back so why suffer in the process?

I could understand your view if it was an actual credit card debt.

I think you would be unreasonable to tell DH anything. I think as adults you should be able to compromise and come up with a solution which suits you both.

Maybe split the difference and reduce the payments by half?

It sounds like you have different attitudes to finances, probably best find a happy medium before it causes problems.

I think it would be better for it to be more sustainable long term.

If you are happy continuing with it as is, that’s fine, but he’s obviously feeling the pinch a bit more. If it were us, I’d be saying okay, let’s give him a sum per month that he can spend as he wishes to. Maybe somewhere like £80-100. That way it will be more sustainable for longer without him feeling hard down by, but it will not actually impact all that much on how quickly the savings are restored to previous level.

*hard done by

Why not just pay back your share as fast as you like, and your DH pay back his share over a longer period?

Given there’s no immediate need to have the money set aside I think it would be unreasonable to expect your DH to stick to a tight budget just because it’s your preference. It would be different if it was debt or you were building your savings up from nothing, but in this case I think you need to compromise.

I think you’re being too frugal.

I don’t get the idea of ‘paying back’. It doesn’t need paying back, you spent what you earned. You don’t have a debt that needs repaying.

Now, irrespective of what you spent last year, you need to decide how much you can afford to save, what your saving goals are, how much you spend on holidays. That needs to be a joint decision and last year’s spends are irrelevant.

40 quid each a week for fun is loads imo. I don't know anyone who spends that amount because of needind to spend money on rent/bills/food etc.

I suppose I’d actually ask him, what are you comfortable saving from your income, per month. That way you get a commitment from him that is still working toward your mutual goal, but he can have some control of how deprived he has to feel for the foreseeable future. Not everyone is comfortable with complete frugality, and since it’s not debt or anything serious I think he ought to have some leeway.

I think it sounds miserable. Life is for the living.

You can’t really “tell” him anything. He’s an adult who makes his own choices. If my husband “told” me what to do with my money, he’d get very short shrift.

I think if you want him onside with this plan you're going to have to make your pot of fun money go further in more creative ways

Agree with some other posters. This shouldn't be a battle, and it seems you are the one deciding the amount and savings. It should be a joint decision, that makes you both happy and not just one person. I am all for saving but your DH is correct, life is for living and money in the bank will not make up for a miserable life.