To wonder if I’m being too frugal?

[utterlybutterly8]

DH and I had an extravagant year in 2018 and spent about £6k beyond our means on a holiday, weekends away and various other treats. The £6k came from our own personal savings, so we were fortunate in that we didn’t take out any loans or credit cards.

This year I really want to boost our savings pot and am determined to pay the money we spent back into our savings account. We’ve paid back just over £2k so far (£450 per month).

We’re both self-employed, neither of us are high earners and paying this much into our savings each month means we have about £40-£50 each per week to spend on “fun” after everything else (except about £10-£15 each on travel fares) is paid. It’s obviously a reasonable amount but not huge - and it rules out holidays, makes it difficult to buy new clothes when old ones wear out and so on.

If we continue on this financial regime we will have paid back all the money we spent last year into our savings account by February, at which point we will obviously have a combined £450 extra spending money a month - a great amount.

However, DH is fed up with my strictness over this and says we should reduce the monthly payments and take twice as long to pay ourselves back - if not longer, as he thinks life is too short. Whereas my view is that I’d rather have eight months of relative frugality, forego a holiday and treats this year and clear the debt (to ourselves!) quicker.

AIBU to tell DH that I would really like to stick with the plan? We currently have £8k in savings and want to use the money to make improvements to our house.

You are looking at this through the wrong lens: you need to ask yourself how you can make more money so both your wishes can be met?

it shouldn't be a choice between your plan or twice as long. why not just allow yourselves an extra tenner each? it'll extend the length of the debt but make it more achievable.

You are living within your means - you didn’t borrow anything to make those additional purchase. Your savings is part of your means.

Maybe you could pay back £300 a month for the next year? Then you'd have some extra saved for holidays and treats.

How was it living beyond your means? It was savings not gained any debt :/ I’m with your husband, u might get run over next week. I get wanting some savings but you sound like you’re micromanaging him

You are living within your means - you didn’t borrow anything to make those additional purchase. Your savings is part of your means.

Yes but last year they spent more than they earned. Obviously they can't do that indefinitely and presumably they want to have some savings for unexpected expenses etc.

I'm quite frugal and I think you're mistaking being overtly frugal for being good with money.

At some stage you have to enjoy yourself and reward yourself for working hard, otherwise I think a lot of people are tempted to splurge money on something like a holiday.

Your savings aren't working for you if they're simply in a bank and if you were to invest in something that might increase in value that would be a wiser financial choice. I cant give you investment advice, but it might be better to start those home improvements, or if its work you can do yourself, do so and use the savings to pay off more of your mortgage.

I wonder if this strict savings goal is causing you a lot of unnecessary stress.

Yes but last year they spent more than they earned. Obviously they can't do that indefinitely and presumably they want to have some savings for unexpected expenses etc

They had the savings to do that - so still within their means. They didn’t need any outside intervention to make that choice.

What is it that your DH wants to do but can't? If you haven't already, its worth looking at what you spend each month in detail and see if you can make savings on energy/insurance etc, check you're not wasting food regularly (can add up to a lot each month) and look at saving money on groceries/toiletries etc.

If you do have extra money each, there is nothing wrong with having your own personal savings, and saving any personal excess into your own pot, that way you have a little extra if you want to splurge on something larger at any point without feeling guilty.

Interesting viewpoint Incandescent - thank you.

I think DH is missing the going out - he loves going to restaurants once or twice a week (around £25-£30 per head at all the decent ones round here) and having a few drinks down the pub.

I feel like saving for home improvements and to have a general cash buffer is a worthwhile thing to do - it’s not like we’re just stockpiling money needlessly, IYSWIM.

I think it depends how much you have in savings. If the 6k was most of your savings I'd pay it back ASAP but if it was out of 50k then I'd not be so fussed.

Build we have £8k in savings at the moment.

Hmm is probably bite the bullet and carry on. Especially as being self employed can be more vulnerable.

Do you have pensions?

I think you’re being too strict too op, just go somewhere in the middle, life is for enjoying too- don’t punish yourselves for spending ‘too much’

But you didn’t spend beyond your means? The money was yours, sitting there and you’re now your torturing yourself and your DH to “pay yourselves back”? Bizarre way to live. But I’m not from the UK and having lived there for many years I know the attitude towards money is ahem... different... so while I think YABVU that’s possibly a cultural difference.

If you are both self employed you ideally should have a buffer of 6 months living expenses unless you can live comfortably on one income.

Do you have critical illness cover and pensions?

You can live without “treats”

How long did it take you to save the £6K in the first place?

We don’t have any pension provision (above the state pension we’re entitled to, obviously) and the amount we currently have in savings is around two months’ worth of salary for us.

I know what PPs are saying - that the money was in saving so was “ours” - but I still feel guilty raiding our savings pot for frivolous spending!

How long did it take you to save the £6K in the first place?

It was money we made on the sale of our old place (I know, we’re very lucky) so no time at all. I just feel guilty that we’ve “blown it”, as our new place does need quite a lot of work.

I would stick with it. I think that's loads to have fun with!

Then why did you do it? Why bother to do things and then feel guilty about it? Doesn’t that take absolutely all the joy out of it?

You wanted to do those things, so you did. You had a great year and did some great things. Why was that ‘blowing’ your money?

Unless you actually didn’t want to do any of those things? In which case you should maybe have said at the time instead of regretting it after it was already done.

You need to sit down with your DH and have a proper financial chat. What would happen if one of you was too sick to work for a month or two. It doesn’t have to be a major illness either e.g. if you are a hairdresser you might struggle to work with a broken index finger.

Are you vulnerable to clients stretching payment terms or suppliers failing?

He wants to spend money on luxuries when you need a stronger safety net.

Get him to read the grasshopper who sang all summer, I credit my saving ability to being read that book repeatedly at primary school

You don't have ANY pension apart from state??? Big mistake!