To wonder if I’m being too frugal?

[utterlybutterly8]

DH and I had an extravagant year in 2018 and spent about £6k beyond our means on a holiday, weekends away and various other treats. The £6k came from our own personal savings, so we were fortunate in that we didn’t take out any loans or credit cards.

This year I really want to boost our savings pot and am determined to pay the money we spent back into our savings account. We’ve paid back just over £2k so far (£450 per month).

We’re both self-employed, neither of us are high earners and paying this much into our savings each month means we have about £40-£50 each per week to spend on “fun” after everything else (except about £10-£15 each on travel fares) is paid. It’s obviously a reasonable amount but not huge - and it rules out holidays, makes it difficult to buy new clothes when old ones wear out and so on.

If we continue on this financial regime we will have paid back all the money we spent last year into our savings account by February, at which point we will obviously have a combined £450 extra spending money a month - a great amount.

However, DH is fed up with my strictness over this and says we should reduce the monthly payments and take twice as long to pay ourselves back - if not longer, as he thinks life is too short. Whereas my view is that I’d rather have eight months of relative frugality, forego a holiday and treats this year and clear the debt (to ourselves!) quicker.

AIBU to tell DH that I would really like to stick with the plan? We currently have £8k in savings and want to use the money to make improvements to our house.

Life is so short. I choose holidays and weekends away

It seems really bizarre to have a blow out extravagant year and then go really frugal to pay it off. Will you just constantly repeat the pattern?

I think he's probably getting a bit tired of constant saving and it must feel like there's no end in sight. Why not relax the rules and plan a summer treat or two within reason. Also if not going on a "holiday" you can still plan some lovely days out or a weekend away in the middle of your holiday time. That's still much cheaper than a full on holiday but at least you will be varying the routine which will make it easier to return to the frugal path afterwards.

I'm with you. Short term, get back to where you were then relax a bit but don't overspend again.

Just be inventive about how to have fun. £40-50pw is quite a lot. I'd try and spend only £10-15 some weeks and save some up. You can definitely have a weekend away or a cheap holiday for a week somewhere by saving half each week.

I quite like a cheap fun challenge. DS is always coming home with Vodaphone deals for £5 cinema tickets or £5 entrances to really good gigs and festivals. A good friend of mine does everything on Groupon or other voucher schemes. You can have really good food at places like Cote. DH and I had a brilliant date the other week just wandering along the South Bank, having a glass of wine somewhere then eating at the street food market. We spent about £10 each, not intentionally frugal but because that's what we fancied doing.

I'm kind of with your DH - it's not actually debt, its your own money you're looking to recoup. What's the rush? Its not like you're paying interest.

Whilst you seem comfortable with the amount each month, your DH clearly isnt, and you can't tell him how much money he must pay.

I'd either continue paying what you do, and let him pay less (it seems your objective is to pay it off quicker and you're happy with the current lower expenditure), or reduce your repayments to match his if you dont want to pay more than him.

Paying yourself back is a bit daft. Just set yourself a reasonable level of payment that you are happy to stick to long term.

It would be different if you were actually in debt but you're just saving an arbitrary amount for no real reason. Split the difference, life is too short.

I don't think £40-£50 per week is a lot on treats. I used to spend £1000 per month on holidays, nights out, trips and shoes.
I had a friend who stopped her husband going out and spending any money at all. He left her in the end as he could stand it, he had no life.

What are the savings for? As your self-employed is it a nest egg in case either of you are out of work or is it a 'just in case' fund.

If it is purely savings to sit there with no purpose then I'm with your DH regarding wanting to enjoy life a little more.

There are lots of things you can do for fun which don't cost a lot. We bought an English heritage membership for £105 for both of us and up to 12 children (why so many!?!) and it lasts 15 months. All we'll do is do a picnic and off we go.

It's not debt though, it's just savings. That's what they're there for. Just don't have a year like that every year and your savings will still be there 🤷

"£40-£50 each per week to spend on “fun” stuff "

No OP you're not being unreasonable the amount above is more than enough already untill you build your savings back up .

If you've got around £200pcm as 'fun' money then you can still have a holiday. Just not an all-singing all-dancing one.

I can see why you'd want to 'repay' into your savings, but perhaps you could consider a slight compromise on how much/how soon? Only suggesting this as you haven't had to borrow in the first place - but- it is very useful to have a financial cushion available if it is needed so I can see your point.

This is kind of how I live my life! I build up savings, spend them and start again! I generally spend out on travelling, home improvements, that kind of thing. The rest of the time I live very frugally. I totally get your mindset of "paying it back" because I do the same. I'd be concerned that if you quit your plan now, or reduce it, as your DH wants, then next time there will be less in the "pot" and it will spiral downwards. So I am totally on your side!

However, you do have another person in this with you (I don't) and they're not happy to do that. So it's a lot trickier. What if you agreed to keep saving as you are, but with say a month off in the middle? So you get one month to have a bit of a blowout but it's not hugely detrimental to the overall savings? Was an agreement made when you spent the money as to how it would be replaced?

Neither one of you is being unreasonable, they’re just different approaches. You should jointly find a compromise that you’re both ok.

Personally I think what would be sensible would be to agree a figure that you’re happy to save monthly on an going basis, not just living frugally until you’ve paid yourself back but what matters most is that whatever you decide is a joint decision between you and your DH.

Perhaps you could meet in the middle regarding the savings and have a cheap weekend away this year?

You’re not in debt though.

You’ve used your savings for things I presume you planned to use them for?

Just agree on a middle ground surely. Some think it’s sensible, I think it’s too frugal. You don’t have to go crazy but if there’s things he really wants to do, then what’s the issue?

You do need him onboard. Perhaps a compromise, spend a little more but look for cheaper options. We love eating out but are happy with something on the cheap menu or a different sandwich, also we look for offers and things can be done on the cheap. Also, a break away. If you have a tent, this would be cheap. If not, there are cheap apartments, cottages, B&Bs.

It doesn’t really matter what you do, what matters is that you are both happy with it. Your DH clearly isn’t so I think you need to compromise.

I'm with you. 1) You don't know what will happen over the next year or so and you might find yourselves in a position where not only can you not repay the money but you're actually needing to live off of your savings 2) the longer you wait to repay the less of a priority it can often seem and before you know it you're simultaneously borrowing back from savings because the current level of lifestyle still seems frugal.

However it needs to be a mutual decision. Unless of course you split the 450 and pay half each, and work out your own timelines.

In your situation re: the disagreement, I would work out a compromise along the lines of every third month you have a bit of a boost to your spending - say, and extra £200 between you.

You can have fun finding excellent deals to enjoy it to the max, then go back to your previous pattern. It shouldn't extend repaying the 'loan' too long, but breaks up the pattern of it.

What is your savings pot for ? If it is for a house deposit the save like hell, if it is to retire early stick to your guns, if it is just to have savigs then cut down weekly amount. There are no pockets in a shroud

Meet halfway? Let him pay back 'his share' over a longer period?
I'm with you, personally; but equally I can see his pov that life is for living, when you are being frugal simply to put money in savings, not because you are totally skint.
Trying to enforce a level of frugality that exceeds his comfort level may not lead to a happy relationship.

Or pay more and finish quicker. You’re blowing £400 a month each . You could have your money back in half the time by just chucking that into the pot.

OhCheesus, you and I would get along very well, I think😂

I'm with your DH, or at least a midway point between the two of you. You're not in debt, you just spent some of your savings. I don't see the point of having an excessively frugal holiday-free year for no real reason.

Gosh, lots to think about - thanks everyone.

I think I feel guilty about living beyond our means so much last year - and it feels good to pay it back. I want to be a position where we always live within our means rather than raiding the savings account whenever we feel like it.

We want to use the savings to make some home improvements, and it’s also good to have some cash in reserve just in case; especially as we’re both self-employed.

There’s a possibility we will be able to pay ourselves a small bonus at the end of the year, all being well - of about £2k. We've decided to put that towards a holiday and some treats (like new clothes) next year.

Or pay more and finish quicker. You’re blowing £400 a month each shock. You could have your money back in half the time by just chucking that into the pot.

I think that would be unrealistic, as we would have £0 each month to spend on treats (and travel)!