AIBU to ask for advice for daughters eating

[Booksandworms]

I have posted before under another user name, but am still desperate.

I’m at my wits end with my 4 year old dd, and her complete and utter obsession with food.

This has been an ongoing issue since weaning, so certainly not a phase.
From the moment she wakes up in the morning, the entire day revolves around food. As soon as she has opened her eyes she needs breakfast (1 slice of toast, scrambled egg and avocado with milk...or 2 weetabix) No less than 30 minutes later she starts asking about a snack. This talking/whinging will continue non stop for 2 hours or so until she has a snack (fruit and breadsticks usually) and then it’s continuously asking about lunch until lunch time etc until bedtime. Sometimes it also involves her yelling, hitting, kicking, pulling hair to try and get you to get food. She never recognises that she’s full and will eat and eat and eat.

She gets plenty of attention, and no matter what we do to try and distract, it does not work. She goes to nursery 2 days a week where the staff have commented on her eating.

This happens every day. It’s relentless and driving me insane.
I have taken her to the doctors to make sure there were no medical causes that were causing her to be hungry, but there are not. We’ve made sure she is also not thirsty.

We have tried:

Getting a picture schedule to show her when eating times are.

Letting her control how much and when she eats - resulting in continuous bloating, stomach aches and vomiting (yet will still want more)

Showing on a clock eating times.

Ignoring the requests, which results in continuous yelling and hurting.

We’re lost and feeling miserable and desperate. Does anybody have any similar experiences or advice?

I don't think 2 weetabix is very good or filling. Perhaps she needs more than that? I'd allow her to have two slices of toast and maybe more egg.

What does she have for lunch? Is she a healthy weight?

This is a long shot but thought I would mention it in case but could it be that she enjoys the sensory feeling of chewing?

Is she overweight, OP?

What do you give her for lunch and supper?

There are the obvious questions:
Is she eating enough at meal times?
Does she drink enough?
Is she very active?
Does she get bored and need food?
Is she overweight?

Is she the same when you are out and about, eg on a day trip etc?

If none of these give any obvious answers then I think you need to go back to the GP for further investigation. I would have thought most 4yo would recognise being full, and not eat to the point of making themselves sick (maybe at the odd party or something, but not regularly).

Does she go to school yet? She won't be able to constantly eat at school.

Has she had blood tests for diabetes in the investigation s the GP did?

Answers to questions...

1. Lunch is usually something like cheese/ham sandwich/pasta pesto, always with yoghurt and fruit. Sometimes she will have hot lunch at nursery.

Dinner is same as us e.g spaghetti bolognese, curry, chicken/fish and rice. Followed by usually more fruit. However, whatever we give it’s the same and when left to own devices makes herself ill.

1. Definitely drinks enough.

1. Not due to boredom. She does say it more when bored, but will also say it out and about e.g at zoo/farm/swimming and with other people also.

1. Not overweight and not skinny, but this is because we have to make sure she isn’t having too much, which was also advice of doctor.

1. Not particularly active, and has to be encouraged a lot.

How much is she drinking OP? I'd maybe offer a drink first, before food, and offer protein with all meals - cereal then egg on toast / peanut butter on toast for breakfast, babybel and fruit for snack etc.

My five year old is like this. She is very overweight due to physical disability so can't be very active. We have no answers despite being under numerous exceptional consultants for her various needs. But just wanted to offer some sympathy in that i know how incredibly exhausting it is.

No, she’s not at school. She’s at nursery 2 days a week, and they have commented that she asks for much more than other children even after having had more than others already.

She didn’t have any tests at doctors, they just said as she had no other symptoms that they didn’t believe the to be any medical cause and just make sure she wasn’t over fed.

As above, try more protein rich foods. Pasta and rice always make me ravenous.

@PopWentTheWeasel she does drink quite a lot and if you offer her a drink she will scream and hurt that she wants food.

@OhWifey thank you, sympathies to you too. It is exhausting.

@Whostolemyhorn I have considered this before actually, but wasn’t sure where to go with that.

Nursery say she eats a lot, but do they say she talks about/ asks for food all day there too?

I don't know how much the gp did or ruled out test wise, but this seems to me something that isn't resolved and needs to be looked into more, i'd maybe see if nursery can assist by putting it into writing any concerns they see so you have additional material to raise with gp, i'd maybe arrange a gp visit at a hungry time, deliberately skip a snack so gp can see behaviour you complain off.

Agreed re ensuring that she eats more protein and fewer carbs (both sugary and starchy). But mostly, this seems to be a mental/emotional thing if she'll keep eating until she is sick. I wonder whether it would be possible to ask for a referral to CAHMS or something similar.

OP, if you think it might be the chewing thing, you could try (carefully controlled and explained so she doesn't swallow it) sugar-free gum?

I would definitely return to the GP and agree make sure she is 'hungry'. Keep a diary of her food intake and behaviour.

I would ask for a Paediatric referral prior to CAMHS - much quicker and I would think they are best suited to diagnose any congenital conditions.

Go back to the GP and try to get tests. Something could be wrong hormonally. In the meantime I would agree with fewer sugars and starches and more protein and FAT..full fat everything

@Passthecherrycoke Yes, they have commented that she does talk about food a lot, and has had tantrums over wanting more despite clearly being full.

Thanks for everyone who has replied, and has given me the confidence to go back to the GP to push further.

When my children were younger (not as young as your DD though, they were I think around 8) I had to somehow limit their snacks as they were getting to a stage of just helping themselves to juice/snacks whenever they wanted. Due to a) sheer greed b) health concerns c) expense I would no longer tolerate it. After their main meal I would allow them to choose 3 snacks out of i.e snack size chocolate bar, crisps, fruit, yoghurts, Dairylea dunkers, pepperami etc.
That was their snacks for the evening. It was their choice what they opted for (within reason so obvs not 3 chocolates, not 3 crisps etc) and their choice when they ate it - but once it was gone, it was gone.

They quickly learned that if they were greedy and scoffed them all one after the other, I would not bend on letting them have anything else. They learned to pace them out and also to choose wisely i.e. snack size choc bar was gone in a bite whereas an apple would take longer to eat and therefore be more satisfying sometimes.

Perhaps you could testrun some system such as this, obviously varying her choices appropriate to her age and diet. Perhaps allowing her to take a little more responsibility for what she chooses to eat, and how quickly she eats it? Perhaps if she realises that she has a "x" amount/time worth of snacks and eats it all in one go, there's no more. Maybe it will teach her to slow down, enjoy and appreciate what she does get?

You cAn get chewy necklaces for people who have a need to chew. That might help? Otherwise have you tried high protein but boring food? Plain chicken strips to snack on, or cubes of cod? I am only ever full up on high protein, I am never full on carbs. I could eat a whole loaf of bread easily.

Is she over weight? Could Prader Willi syndrome be a possibility?

Looking t what she eats I'd up the protein and fat, try and keep her fuller for longer.

There is a condition called prader Willie syndrome. Don't think I have spelled it correctly, but it's when children want to keep on eating and not realising they are full. I really hope you can get this sorted, must be worrying x

Although it doesn’t sound like she had a lot of sugar (what is she drinking?), try cutting out sugar. I will eat and eat even when I am full and constantly want more and more. Until I figured out it was suave craving. I went sugar free and after about a week I simply stopped being hungry and realised the difference between sugar craving and hunger. And because I rate 3 good meals and mid morning and afternoon snack, I was actually never hungry.

Maybe worth a try, especially on the days she has weatabix. Because I assume there is sugar on that (it’s horrible without) which kick starts your body wanting it