This is my most embarrassing moment ever.

[Lobsterquadrille2]

Tell me you've had worse. Walking home, the spoke of a man's umbrella knocked my wig off. Right by the traffic lights. Someone wound his window down to shout "I think you've dropped something, love".

Ok it seems funny now 😀

Sre you bald? A woman was walking up a windy road and her wig flew off. Her husband chased after it. The road 4an along side the pool area of our hotel. So everyone saw
Later she turned up for dinner immaculately made up but her wig a little the worst for wear.

I was pregnant with dd2.

Decided to have myself a little breast review (hadn't long stopped feeding dd1)

Did said breast review sat at the kitchen table (big preggie bump hidden below table)

"Oh is that a wee bit of milk, if I do this?"

Hiya Mister Window Cleaner

Mortified.

I think I have told this one before somewhere on here. I was in the post office getting some money out, as I walked out I was rummaging with my purse putting my money in it, and the doors were big clear automatic doors, only they only opened on one side.

I walked straight into the side that doesn't open. In full view of a queue of customers. I couldn't get out fast enough! My then partner was outside rolling on the floor laughing having witnessed the whole thing.

Oooh, you poor thing! How mortifying. Very, very much sympathy.

Mind you, it sounds like an incident from one of those silent comedy films of the 1920's. Still, I suppose that me saying that isn't much help.......

Whenever I do something stupid I Google golf cart wedgie always makes me feel less of an idiot.
To be honest I embarrass myself on an almost daily basis. Probably the worst was when I was training (martial arts) I came on I didn't even notice at first but by the time I did I had bled right through my trousers oh why do they have to be white!! I didn't have anything to change into either so I had to wear them home

Many years ago, when I was an exchange student in continental Europe, my friend and I visited a swimming baths which had a fairly large circular jacuzzi pool. Two quite elderly men were already in the jacuzzi, and we got in on the other side facing them. Back then I was far more sylph-like and nubile than I am these days, and as I sat down in the water the current from the jets swept me across the pool right into the lap of one of the blokes. Cue my friend desperately trying to pull me off backwards as I clambered around on his lap trying to reverse against the current, much to the delight of the old boy, who looked as if Christmas and birthday had come all at once! Still makes me blush to think of it nearly 30 years later

Ah, @Ellyess, the impromptu pee embarrassment!

Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who loved night driving. He also loved practical "jokes".

We left south London at midnight to drive to Cornwall. I woke up in the small hour, somewhere along the A303, busting for a piss. The roads were pretty quiet, so he pulled over at the end of a layby. I opened my door wide to shield myself from the view of traffic on our side of the dual carriageway and squatted to pee beside the car.

I was full-flood when he leaned over, shut my door, and reversed the length of the layby with his headlights on full beam, illuminating me beautifully.

At least 3 lorry drivers hooted their horns while I had the longest pee in the history of the universe, and I sulked the whole of the rest of the journey.

@Whitelisbon I love that story! You tell it so well I can just imagine it happening

That's nice davdbx37. What a heart warming tale.

I particularly liked the bit where you tried to hide but it was just too big.

👏🏻

@costacoffeecup it was the Hoopers traffic lights and prime commuter time!

I'm totally over it and laughing so much at these stories 😀

Ooooh, how many do you want me to add to this hilarious collection?!

Waving goodbye to a date in a busy town centre whilst walking over a pedestrian crossing with lots of waiting cars, waving, waving...next I'm flat on my face in the middle of the crossing.

Another first date, in packed pub, went to loo then to the bar to get us another round of drinks, sashayed back to our table. Date whispered, "Your dress is tucked in your knickers..." (and I thought everyone was looking at me because I looked fab - not!!)

Serving someone in a shop and having a panty liner magically appear from my sleeve as I gave them their change (WTF???!!!).

Accidentally walking into a gay bar (because I needed a wee on the way home), ordered a drink (bar tender refused to accept payment), sat on chair to sip drink politely before asking where the loo was, then realised was in a bar full of men sitting on other men's laps, got directions to the loo, asked if my bag would be safe by my chair because it had my lipstick in (trying/failing to be funny) - came out of loo, bar tender said they'd all tested my lippy but it was safe because it was none of their colour's... Oh! And I was in fancy dress at the time...!

Tried frantically to get into my new car, door wouldn't open, had a guy run up to me yelling and being really threatening. Yeah, you got it, it wasn't my car...!

Coming round from an operation, in recovery, first conscious thought was the nurse telling me she was inserting a suppository for pain relief followed her immediately saying, "Oh, you're Fairy! You work in xxx at xxx, you helped me out last week..."

Legs akimbo in difficult hospital delivery with DS1, second stage had been going on for three hours. Cavalry called in, discussions of forceps/CSec, etc, then the senior duty doctor arrived. I'd been oblivious to everyone before she came in - the last time I'd seen her was 12 years earlier when she was sliding down the stairs on a beanbag at my parents' house when she was aged 14 during our school lunch break. Not a time for a reunion!

Oh god I've just remembered another, when I fell flat on my face in a branch of Greggs ages ago. I'm very tall and had foolishly bought some heeled boots like ones I'd I'd seen on a colleague and admired. But even though they weren't that high, I was not cut out for it at all. It was a slushy day and the floor was wet. I simply walked towards the counter and went flying halfway there, in front of about 10 staff and customers.

The worst part was that one staff member was desperate to help me and ran around and started trying to pull me up. I was a lot taller and bigger than her and every time she tried to yank me up I just slipped again and slithered back down, and I couldn't actually get myself up because she had hold of my arms. Everyone was just watching with interest, it was awful! Then when I finally got upright, i wanted to run for it and never show my face there again, but same staff member kindly served me immediately so I had to stand there covered in mud and feeling like a total twat, waiting for my Belgian Bun

@SleepAllDay7 you are a genius.

@rackhampearl I'm so private with bathroom things anyway, I don't even fart in front of dp. I'm glad he's not the squeamish type!

My brother jumped on his friend's back in the street once. It wasn't his friend

Had to go for a breast exam when DS was 6 weeks old. The wait was longer than I expected and DS decided that it was too interesting in the waiting room to have a nap so he was cranky.
Doctor asked me to go and take of my upper clothing and she would be in shortly. The nurse kindly offered to rock DS in his pram as he was getting fussy.
As the doctor started examining me DS started crying.
Cue letdown of milk that squirted her square in the face!
She even screamed
Had to go and have an ultrasound of my boob straight after and firmly kept my breastpads over my nipples for fear of another accident!
I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

I was wearing a tankini, and can't swim. It was a very sandy beach, shelving suddenly. The waves made the sand very unstable. I was sitting at the edge of the sea, all was well. However, when I struggled to my feet, I realised that the tankini bottoms were full of sand. I couldn't wash it off in the sea, as I couldn't get up. I slunk up the beach looking as though I'd done a huge poo.

Many years ago I caught the last train home from London Bridge, pissed as a fart after being out for the evening with friends from work. I had the usual post-drinks munchies and even though I was telling myself not to, got myself a hot dog to eat on the train. Sat down on busy train, proceeded to eat hot dog. Realised hot dog not in bread roll. Glanced down and the ketchup-covered dog had slid out and landed on the chap’s knees who was sat next to me. I reluctantly looked at him and he looked at me, then looked down at the pesky hot dog. He looked very unimpressed and clearly wasn’t going to hand it back to me, or touch it at all! So I instinctively reached across and grabbed it back. I can’t honestly remember if I ate it. But I looked at the girl sat opposite me and she was in absolute hysterics and then so was I! Hot dog man sat totally poker-faced and didn’t utter a word, even when I said sorry! I couldn’t help but laugh but I’m still mortified thinking about the whole pissed up scenario! I do remember him getting off at the next stop fortunately!

Well, you know, I was on a train. I needed a poo. The toilets were those with big curved sliding doors.
You know where this is going.
I went for a poo. I was just, er, cleaning up when the door slowly opened.
Jesusfuckingchristonabike.
A crowd of commuters gawped in as I pulled my trousers fast up from my ankles.
I'd misunderstood the locking system.
The door had been unlocked the whole time but nobody had come to use it until then.
I pushed the close door button again. It took six and a half hours of embarassed misery to shut, the slowest door shutting in the history of the world.
Since that day I treble check that the door is locked.
Sorry if that has given you nightmares, I know lots of people hate those toilets.
I've wanted to tel this story for ages, thank you for the opportunity.

I pissed myself on a date when I was 16. No idea why...I’d had a pint of cider but that wasn’t unusual, then we left the pub and were walking along, and I full on pissed myself. It’s a shame because he was really hot and funnily enough he never called.

And then when I was 19 there was this guy in the office that I REALLY fancied. We’d both go the same way up the motorway after work and we’d have a little race, it became a bit of a thing. I noticed his car was for sale, with his number on the advert in the window. So I rather brazenly noted the number one day and sent him a rather suggestive message. I was thrilled when my phone rang almost straight away...and I put on my most come hither voice, only to realise that it was actually his dad’s car, and that’s who I was speaking to . We did have end up dating for a year, though I always felt awkward around his dad

Sadly, I am the queen of embarrassing myself.
I have a particular knack for making a tit of myself around handsome men.
Must be the nerves!

• I was with my ex, I offered to take the lead of one of the dogs, tiny toy breed, the little bastard bolted suddenly and I slipped down a grassy hill and landed in the muck.

Mud all over the arse of my jeans. Looked like I'd shit myself.

• At the house of a boy I seriously fancied (young teen) his mum would say things to me from the other room, i couldn't hear terribly well and kept thinking she was asking if I wanted food so kept saying no thank you cue confused expressions as that wasn't what she was asking me at all.

• Bit DHs dick when giving oral (in my defence, I was very inexperienced and he's not that small )

• On my second date with DH his cat came to greet him and for some bizarre reason I thought it was a good idea to coo 'cute little pussy' at it, I swear I never even use that word!

Not to describe cats or anything. DH was blushing and looking very embarrassed.

• DH pushed me on the bed and I farted.

Also in early days of dating.

Picture the scene...I'm at my boss's 40th birthday party. I had 2 bosses C(male) and L(female) who were married to each other. Enter P who is L's son but C's stepson. (You still with me?). P is 9 years my junior. I was 29 at the time.

Anyway, P says he'll give me a tour of the house so off we go. In the bathroom he makes a lunge for me and he's a good looking guy, plus I've recently separated from my husband so need a boost.

Things progress rapidly...after he takes my top off I ask him if the bathroom door is locked. Yes he says. So we erm...well you get the general idea.

So we're naked in the bathtub getting acquainted when suddenly the UNLOCKED bathroom door opens and in walks C. He just looks at us, says 'oh' and walks out.

Wanting the ground to swallow me up is an understatement.

MyGastIsFlabbered 😂😂😂 oh lord that was worth reading the entire thread for!

Surely you quit?! 😂

Most embarrassing moment ever, Lovehoney parcel delivered to an address which has the same street name in the same town, confident that it came in discreet packaging i drove over and politely enquired if they had a parcel delivered for me - which the elderly gentleman had, and he had opened it - and quizzed me on its contents - I ran away, he returned it back to LH.

What is Lovehoney? I take it it was something sexual, so I don't want to Google it in case I then keep getting targeted ads at work!