Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider this life change?

68 replies

butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:07

This might be a bit disjointed as it's all a bit messy in my head.

Currently live in London with my fiancé and my ds and dss. Fiancé works in a private school outside London, I work PT as admin assistant in a college in London.

As an employee of this private school, my fiancé is eligible for a very cheap rental home in the grounds of the school and our children are eligible to attend the school at a fraction of the cost. I have never considered private school for my ds but now that it's a possibility it seems like such an amazing opportunity that I would be mad to pass up.

But... It would mean moving outside London (to be able to afford the fees for both children we'd have to move to the cheap rental on site) and I would have to leave my job.

This could be a great opportunity to have a career change, then. I have 5 years to think about it / get relevant training. I really have no idea where to start so I will begin with things that interest me:

Child psychology / working with children or young adults
Educating people on domestic violence
Beauty therapy
Books

On the other hand... Where I work at the moment is a really cushy number. I like working PT. My job is piss easy. But it's just a comfort zone thing and I do feel I need to evolve and grow, especially once my ds is out of primary school in 5 years.

I am scared of this change, AIBU to consider it and to be overwhelmed at the prospect? To move out of the city, to change our whole (comfortable) lives? I can't even drive so that's another hurdle to overcome.

Sorry that was long. Thanks if you got this far. Any thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
Leafyhouse · 19/06/2019 09:12

Go for it. The school years pass quickly, and you can always move back to London when they're over, but this is too good an opportunity to pass up.

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:16

Thank you Leafy, I do agree.

Just scared about my own future, work wise. I wouldn't know where to start or if I'd be able for it. I've been in this cushy job for a very long time and I don't know what direction to go...

Fiancé reckons he would be able to get me an admin role within the school but I'm not sure living and working in the same place... And with my fiancé... Would be a good idea??

OP posts:
AugieMarch · 19/06/2019 09:23

Yanbu to consider it and I imagine in 5 years you'll be very ready to change jobs. I'd just check out the school to make sure it's a good fit for your child, as not all private schools are right for all children. I would want to be sure it was a good move for the dc and that you weren't been swayed by the reduced fees. I work in a very expensive and amazing private school abroad but know it wouldn't be right for one of my dc, even though it'd be a great fit for the other. I get a huge discount on fees but have still decided not to send dc1 there. The local state schools will be a better fit for him.

AugieMarch · 19/06/2019 09:24

That should say "being swayed"...

justchecking1 · 19/06/2019 09:26

You've got 5 years? You could do an open university degree in that time in psychology and totally retrain. It's a fab opportunity

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:28

Augie...very good point, one that myself and DP have mulled over. My ds would be a very good fit but we aren't 100% over dss. We will have to think about whether it will be the best option for him along with his mum. In regards to location it wouldn't effect dss as the home he lives with with his mum is in the town outside London anyway. It would be myself and ds doing all the moving.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 19/06/2019 09:29

There are jobs outside London, believe it or not! Driving is a basic life skill so it’s good that you will have the impetus to learn it.

My reservation if I were you would be putting all my eggs in one basket, dependent on someone I wasn’t married to. I wouldn’t make such a huge life change without a marriage ceremony first.

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:32

Justchecking... It IS a fab opportunity. Going back to studying after over 25 years is terrifying though. I am very interested in psychology and wanting to help people overcome problems but what if it's too much for me, will I be able to handle hearing other people's problems etc? Will I resent not working PT again?? And what about possibly considering another child in the next 2 years... Not sure we can do it all...

Too much going on!

OP posts:
Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:33

Alsohuman... We are getting married in 2 months and we wouldn't be looking to move for another 5 years...

OP posts:
InezInez · 19/06/2019 09:34

What a great opportunity.. you should go for it!!

Alsohuman · 19/06/2019 09:39

Congratulations, sorry if that sounded a bit judgy and harsh. I agree with pp, it’s a great opportunity. Seize it with both hands, it’s the perfect chance to do something life changing.

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:40

I guess what my question should have been is... What do I do with my life?? Do i change career? Shall I just find myself another PT admin role near the school? How do I know what to do? I'm a bit lost...

OP posts:
Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:43

Also it would mean saving to buy a house would be put on hold. And like I said, possibly having another child...

I feel like I'm at a crossroad, with so many options (all good) but I can't really see straight. I've had a lifetime of bad decisions and bad luck, this is all so overwhelming.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 19/06/2019 09:43

What do you want? A degree and new career? Another part time job? It’s a rare opportunity to have a blank sheet of paper to write on and a real luxury to have significant choice.

Alsohuman · 19/06/2019 09:46

X post. Why would saving for a house go on hold? You don’t have to live in a house just because you own it. Living in job dependent accommodation is the best reason possible to own a house and get someone else to pay the mortgage. Ask any forces wife!

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:47

Alsohuman this is the issue, I don't know what I want

To have a career and vocation would be absolutely amazing. But it'd mean a lot of hard work and what if I don't like it in the end? Would it mean giving up the chance of another child? Time is against me in that respect.

I like working PT. The lazy, comfort zone part of me is screaming at me to not consider it, I'd be mad to go back into studying, I'd be no good, I'd neglect the dc etc

I'm aware I may sound unhinged here Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 09:48

We couldn't save for a deposit and pay the school fees...

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 19/06/2019 09:52

Retrain not doubt - as children get older and more independent a challenging job fills the gap and pension/income wise advisable. Get married 1st

Isatis · 19/06/2019 10:09

It sounds a fantastic opportunity.

If you like the thought of helping people, is counselling a possibility?

MargotsFlounceyBlouse · 19/06/2019 10:11

Go for it! You sound in a bit of a rut and life is for the living. Definitely think about learning but choose something which inspires you. Get a prospectus and have a browse. Something unexpected might jump out ..

Original poster
butchsylvestertomjerrybugs · 19/06/2019 10:13

I have considered councelling yes. But worry that hearing other people's problems and horror stories will effect me in a negative way iyswim?

OP posts:
Starface · 19/06/2019 10:22

To actually work in psychology takes a lot more than an undergraduate degree so that may not be viable in the timeframe you have given.

I would not sacrifice a potential house deposit for school fees. The cost benefit analysis makes it not worthwhile. Having a secure home for you and your family is much more important. The return on investment of school fees is there, but minimal (arguably class, peer group etc contributes significantly to the perceived advantages). School fees are therefore a luxury to be considered after eg getting a house.

I would: move out of London to the cheap rental. Get an admin job at the school as a stop gap while you have another baby and plan what you want to do with your career/job long term, and start doing that. Save for a house deposit. Send your ds to the local school so no fees. It will make your dss' life easier too if you are all in the same town, especially as he heads into adolescence and all his friends are round there. This will be good for family life in general.

Missingstreetlife · 19/06/2019 10:23

Is fiancé going to stay in the job? Will dc be happy, what do absent parents think? Do the pros and cons list thing, give weight to items that matter. I think your head and heart don't agree.

GeorgeTheBleeder · 19/06/2019 10:23

In the next few years every independent school in the country will be crying out for well qualified child psychologists and counsellors to join their staff. So why not use some of your leisure time to make a start on getting qualified in this area?

Does your husband work at a boarding school? Would you also be house parents? In five years you might both be ready for a move to another school - provided it also offered fee reductions for staff.

Xmr1986 · 19/06/2019 10:25

Bloody hell do it. Why is this even a question?